2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The problem of debts and loans now, during the crisis, is especially acute. Here and there groans are heard: how to be, they took out a mortgage, it is difficult to pay off! Collected debts, now we live on the brink of survival! How to pay off your exorbitant debt?
Especially scary stories about collection agencies, about when a person collects a huge amount of debt. When he becomes a slave to a credit card. Sometimes, it comes to the point that a person feels, knows that it will be difficult for him to pay off his debts, but he still collects purchases through loans. Such everyday schizophrenia (this is not a diagnosis, just a metaphor).
Many psychologists recommend throwing out credit cards, opening them with scissors, drawing up a debt repayment schedule, but all this DOESN'T HELP! You always need to deal with the deeper reasons for going into debt. What's behind all this debt and credit?
Guilt. Then a person collects debts in order to "pay" for something committed earlier, for which he condemns himself, blames himself. It is a desire for self-punishment - to make your life unbearable in order to atone for your guilt.
Call of Duty. This means when a person feels that he has any moral debts that he does not really want to give up: a debt to his parents, to his homeland, to the children left behind in a past marriage (a common story among men who leave their children). Somewhere the conscience begins to gnaw at a person for not done, unfulfilled promises and he gets into debt, paying off in this way.
Atonement for someone else's guilt. When one person takes on the burden of someone else close to him. In my practice, there was a story when a girl collected debts in order to atone for her father's guilt before her mother when he left the family. At the same time, the daughter still loved her dad and so that her mother would not be angry with him, she took upon herself the burden of his guilt … by collecting loans and paying off them. Burdens can come from the family system when descendants unknowingly commit themselves to paying off their ancestors' debts. For example, in the family of a thief, the son can go into debt in order to atone for the guilt of the father in front of the victims of his thefts.
Debts can be a way to show the whole world (or rather, mom): "Look how bad I am! See how I suffer!" It's like a cry for help, a way to get attention, sympathy.
It's like a way to insulate yourself from unwanted other necessary payments. For example, a man can go into debt so as not to participate in the construction of his mother-in-law's summer cottage. Or the older brother is gaining loans so as not to pull on his younger infantile brother according to his mother's will: "Take care of the youngest."
Finally, it's like a way to not live happily. When a person learned from early childhood that life is full of pain, that the world is imperfect and he simply cannot live and receive joy, he is not used to it. And in order to continue being in the usual discomfort, habitually suffering - endlessly gets into debt.
Ask yourself questions:
- who do I owe (owe) REALLY?
- Where would this money go if there were no debts?
- to whom do I want to atone for my guilt?
- who I do not want to pay REALLY?
- for what am I punishing myself?
Good methods of dealing with debt are psychodrama, systemic constellations. One way or another, debt is a symptom of a deeper problem, a deeper inner conflict. And in order to pay off all loans, you need to work, first of all, with depth.
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