About The Terrorist Attack In The Metro In St. Petersburg On April 3,

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

(D. S. - Damian Sinaisky, I - interviewer)

Q: The age of information technology, which has fallen to us, is, unfortunately, rich in extraordinary events. And a person instantly learns, sitting at a computer, at work - everyone has telephones - about some terrible events. What kind of reaction at the moment is considered natural, normal, when one hears about such tragic events? For example, if you take the recent terrorist attack in the St. Petersburg metro?

D. S.: Yes, Larisa, an important question. First, I would like to express my condolences and sympathy both to the families who have lost their loved ones, and simply to the women of St. Petersburg and St. Petersburg. Moreover, I have clients in St. Petersburg, I work with them on Skype, and I would like to read out, with the client's permission, this text: “I seem to have cried out, I sort of spoke out at our session with you, but it's still scary. The city is defiled, crippled. My favorite city. As if a piece had been torn out with blood and meat. This is, indeed, a great tragedy, because, as we understand, St. Petersburgers are special people with their unity and spiritual closeness. They all took this tragedy very closely.

And your question, in this sense, is very important, because there are two waves in tragedies. When a plane crashes or explodes, it's still somehow a little far from us. We see the wreckage after a while, when they find it. Accordingly, when there is a terrorist attack in the subway, in the age of our gadgets and the development of technology, passengers of neighboring cars come right there, all this is filmed and posted on the network. That is, we see this blood online, we see this pain, the groans of the wounded, the cries for help of the survivors. We see an ambulance arrive, and this pain directly seeps into us through the video.

Accordingly, the first wave of trauma is for those Petersburgers who were in the metro at that moment, or tried to ride the metro at that time, or were planning a trip for this time. And the second wave is for us, those people who watched all this through the Internet, through television. It also hit us very hard. And if those people who experienced the initial shock - were present in this metro, or rescuers, or doctors, just passers-by next to this metro station - suddenly, in the first two weeks, insomnia, depression will cover, fears begin, then it will be understandable … This can be rationalized. These are the consequences of this terrible event. And if one of us is covered by this second, informational wave, and we, suddenly, will fall into some kind of unconscious irritation, into some kind of fear, break down on loved ones, or, again, depression or insomnia will begin, then we cannot understand this, we cannot find the reasons.

Therefore, in this case, if it is possible, of course, in the first few days it is better to ride on the surface of the city: buses, trolleybuses, trams, minibuses or taxis, whoever can afford it. Agree with friends who have a car, or with colleagues - let them not be lazy, give a lift to their colleagues, you can even a whole company. This was especially evident in St. Petersburg. You can always find options. If there is no need, it is better not to take the subway. It is for those people who are afraid of it. Because it will be fixation on this fear, it will only aggravate, and the symptoms will worsen. Therefore, it is better to abstain. Maybe even take a sick leave for two or three days, ask for a day off, or something else. Don't go through the force. In no case. It will only make it worse. But, if symptoms persist within two to three weeks, then it is better to consult a specialist. Briefly, narrowly focused. We don't need to be afraid. Psychologists are always adjustments, they are always support, and it always doesn’t hurt.

I.: What are the recommendations on how to work with this directly, without a specialist?

D. S.: It is necessary, at least, to understand the reasons for this fear. Just to myself: why am I afraid, what am I afraid of? Describe this fear, write this fear on a piece of paper, draw this fear. That is, somehow formalize it, separate it from oneself. What scares us is that we cannot control. And if we begin to control our fear: “Oh, that's what you are. Here you are from - from this, from this. In what part is it hard for me? Where do I feel fear? So, in the chest? No, no, in my opinion, closer to the belly,”that's all. I'm starting to distance myself a little from him. This fear begins to be controlled and the impact is no longer so strong.

Further. Focus on current affairs. The man goes to the store and says: “I will go to the store, I have to buy this and that. Yes, I need to go down the metro, but I will buy this and this,”- focus on some current affairs, and not on the need to use the metro.

I repeat, if this problem persists, then the situation gets worse, because it goes inward, is displaced, suppressed. That is, we can suppress, drown out fear. We can forget it, push it out and, as it were, isolate ourselves from it. But it will seethe, as if under a lid, and sooner or later, at the most inopportune moment, it may fire.

Q: That is, possible phobias, panic attacks - they can also affect not immediately, but let's say, after some time?

D. S.: Yes. As a rule, this so-called information wave, it can cover suddenly. That is, it is when it is alive that we are afraid, we worry more. Especially in our Russian mentality. We are a very close unity. Terrorists or those aggressors who are trying to intimidate us will never understand that, on the one hand, we have "maybe" - we are not afraid of anything, and on the other hand, when trouble, we unite. That is, it is impossible to scare us, as, for example, it was in Norway with Breivik. Just a different cultural code. And here, perhaps, we need to rely on human support. Do not be shy. If you are ashamed or not able to consult a psychologist, call your friends, talk over this situation, share in an informal setting. It will always get easier.

And: "Control yourself!" - is this good advice? When one, calmer, cold-blooded person says to another: “Stop! Keep calm"

D. S.: No, of course not. Unfortunately, the one who is strong, he can control himself. But again - for the time being, for the time being. We are normal, living people. And why do we have to keep ourselves in hand, if we are crumpled and torn from the inside? Why do we have to control ourselves? Oh well. We can pretend to be strong. But we will come home and we will not be able to sleep at night. At three o'clock in the morning, something will click in our head, and our fear will arise. We will begin to be afraid of some outlines or shadows, something else. Why should we hold back? No. What for? I understand that if there was a war, some kind of, indeed, a terrible criminal situation, when you have to survive and you have to hold on so as not to show this fear. And we have, thank God, peacetime.

Q: Fear for loved ones and relatives, whom nothing can be helped, just pray. Is there a trick here to stay sober and not panic? Do not irritate, for example, those who have left. Don't call a hundred times: “Where are you? What you?"

DS: This is also a symptomatology, unfortunately. Here it turns out that we are really more afraid for loved ones than for ourselves. And this is also a little, well, distorted. That is, you have to be afraid for yourself. This is a normal fear, this is a living fear - to be afraid for yourself, rationalize your fear, fear for your loved ones, for your relatives, call, but not call every 10 minutes. This is normal communication and it must be accepted. But start with yourself. For some reason, we really try to think about others, but somewhere out there we forget, we belittle our fear. And he is the most harmful and destructive. That is, caring for others - yes, worrying about others - yes. But for myself as well.

I: Like on an airplane - first a mask for yourself …

D. S.: Yes, that's right. Because if we do not save ourselves, a person will not save himself, he will no longer help another. That is, in this case, in the best sense of the word, you need to take care, first of all, of yourself. Because if I have the strength, I will save not one close person, but 10 more strangers I can save.

Q: Terrorist attacks and children. Many have access to the internet. They see photos, hear information, you can't hide from it. How destructive it can be in the long term for the psyche? And in general, what do they need to know and what is undesirable?

D. S.: Of course, video sequences, photos, this should be excluded. Once again: according to the Serbian Institute, 70% of high school students have mental disorders, unfortunately. This is the official data. Therefore, to injure once again, why? Moreover, indeed, these traumas can worsen, combine with old psychological traumas, and these can be very difficult cases. And we meet with this in practice. The child saw something terrible, he had no one to discuss it with, and he fixed himself - that's all, this is a trauma. Representation is an affect. Everything. It has already remained inside, has gone into the unconscious, and then, at an unnecessary moment, it comes out through psychosomatics, through some incomprehensible fears. A person cannot understand why he behaves so inadequately. And those around them cannot understand. And the reason may be somewhere two, three, ten years ago.

Therefore, where it is possible to isolate, so to speak, since now it is impossible to isolate, but where it is possible to protect from unnecessary information, there, of course, it is desirable to do this. And where it is clear that the child began to behave inappropriately, not as before, it means that he has picked up this information infection somewhere and it is better, of course, at least, to just talk heart to heart with him, about nothing. Or say, but without frightening psychologists, psychiatrists, psychotherapists or doctors: “Do you want me to have a good friend, we will go to him? Let's talk, just talk to him."

Q: Will it not turn out that the child is protected from some kind of reality, which he will still face and already in an adult state will be surprised at what happened?

D. S.: Extremes are harmful everywhere, of course. We cannot close a child in a cocoon or a tower on a mountain, or put a child in a golden cage. At the same time, we do not need this: “Do what you want!”, Some kind of permissiveness. They will find everything anyway. But in this case, at least if possible, they will at least see a respectful attitude from their parents. That the parents wanted to warn them, to protect them. Whatever they then, this very often happens, they did not blame their parents: "Why, why did you not forbid me to do this!" This refers to where the serious trauma is, from the point of view of some horror movie or some dismemberment, or something else. Often, children blame their parents. At least let the parents at least show respectful care - behave like adults, and at the same time, on an equal footing with the child. Not to force, not to punish, but to say: “Listen, let's talk, discuss this, if you want. How serious it is for you, how scary it is. " So that it doesn't commit, so that the commit doesn't happen. To speak - it works wonders. Sometimes it is just to speak - and the relevance, sharpness, it is immediately removed. Of course, ideally only a specialist can help. And, at the same time, this primary acuteness can be removed simply by conversation. You have no idea what miracles it works.

Q: Premonitions, dreams. Such a delicate topic. As a rule, maybe, journalists exaggerate it unnecessarily. They begin to find people who, by coincidence, did not fall into some terrible tragedy, who were lucky. Some tell prophetic dreams, the predictions of grandmothers, grandfathers, everything else. Is there something rational in this, or is it still a sphere of emotions? Coincided and coincided

D. S.: As a rule, of course, it all coincides. Since we are very sensitive to this kind of mystical coincidences or something else - somewhere on the order of 70-80% of our population have some kind of "deviations" - then, of course, if something coincides, we say: “Oh, exactly, there! Finally it worked! " Moreover, we are all a little children. We have such a magical, superstitious thinking in omnipotence, that there is someone, some kind of force. And these fabulous heroes somewhere in us wake up in times of crisis. There is some kind of regression there, in childhood, and all these dreams, desires, fears, fantasies, they come to life. And an adult, he is outwardly biologically adult, but he behaves like a ten-year-old, eleven-year-old. I see this a lot in sessions.

Of course, there are elements of common sense here. And there is the concept of an inner voice. Yes, he is. But it is related to other mechanisms. In no case should one fall into superstition here. In no case. This will only program, unfortunately. We have to manage our emotions, all these coincidences. Neither these numbers, nor these stars, nor these lines of palmists in the palm of your hand should control our life, program our life, dominate our life. Then where is our identity? Where is our freedom? In no case. We are the main thing and we are free. And we have the right, above all, to manage all our fears. Don't give in.

I: That is, to go to rest in a hot spot is just a violation of common sense?

D. S.: Yes. Sure. You just need to reflect, at least if there are any fears. In a good way, "God protects the bearded". Why create these irritants? Especially in our time, when everything is scaled through television, radio, the Internet, and whether we like it or not, this fear is transmitted through us to our children. If we are afraid, what to say about them? Therefore, here it is necessary, on the contrary, to be, as it were, such an example of calmness and wisdom.

Q: Material thought, which is now on everyone's lips: “Think good. Predict only good events. " Regarding our ordinary life and some coincidences in which we find ourselves. Is there some kind of mechanism or is it all fiction too? Some kind of psychological protection - I thought about the good, and everything will be fine with me

D. S.: Yes, of course, this is psychological protection, first of all. And this is such a withdrawal into your inner world, into your inner fantasies, into your inner reality. Such an imaginary reality. That's good for me and that's it. That is, this is a mechanism of denial - no, this is not. It's not all bad. Or, on the contrary, as we are with you - not everything is so good, you need to somehow survive, etc. Everyone is immersed in their own reality. Here you need to distinguish between the so-called imaginary reality - our idea of something, and reality itself. Sometimes we do not work with reality, but we represent this reality, we try to feel it through our representation. This is a trap. It has nothing to do with reality. Here I have my own idea of you, and you have your own idea of me. Our ideas communicate with each other, and this relation only partially has to living people. Therefore, this line of distinction, again between imaginary reality and, so to speak, documentary, modern reality, adequate, is very difficult. There is often a mess. A person is not aware of the boundaries between the imaginary world and the real world. And this is because he cannot, being inside his consciousness, analyze his consciousness with his consciousness or his psyche with his psyche, his soul with his soul. This is impossible. Here we need some people from the outside who could correct this.

Q: Returning to the topic of calling out in the subway. People who got into this tragic situation, either themselves, or their relatives, friends, relatives of relatives. This is also a big trauma for many years. Who should deal with such people? Who should they contact first? What is the rehabilitation plan? And in general, what is the hope that they will be able to somehow come to terms, perhaps, with this and continue to go on with a healthy, happy life?

D. S.: Yes. It's scary when a loved one is seriously injured. There in the metro, as we understand, there were dozens of wounded and hundreds more in these cars. Here, of course, let's start with the most important thing - you need to love your loved ones. Love also does unimaginable miracles. To love for real. Love heals. I think so. In psychotherapy, it is love that heals the client. This must be understood. What can we say about relatives. All the more you need to love. It doesn't cost any resources, no money. This is just our mental effort. Unfortunately, we cannot even afford that. Just to honestly love, sympathize, worry, just keep quiet together. Psychologists, of course, in such traumatic situations are often faced with the fact that a person is simply silent. Silence is also a form of response, a form of speech. Just sit silently. It often happens that when a person has a critical situation, he is simply silent. Then you just keep silent with him. He comes out and says, "How well we talked." And he had an internal dialogue. And this dialogue was, as it were, synchronized with my silence. And he thought he was getting answers. But if a person wants to talk, you need to talk to him.

I repeat - love and, of course, if possible, just talk calmly. See a psychologist. We are not losing anything. This is not a psychiatrist. People are afraid: "They will definitely think about me that I am a nutcase or something else." This certain ignorance and ignorance comes from children. Say that you will talk to a specialist. Call him a change specialist, a success specialist, or simply: “Let's go to a specialist and see how we organize our lives, what to do next. We'll see what options are available. If you don't like it, you can always refuse. If it's interesting, let's continue. " This also happens often.

Q: From your practice - how long do people get out of such states?

D. S.: In different ways, of course. These are all individual characteristics. There are some statistics, of course, but I don't want to give them now, because it's all individual. Let's say there are periods: three, six months, twelve months, etc. Depending on the background. If a person, a client, has already been severely traumatized in childhood or adolescence, etc., then it will simply be superimposed on top, additionally. This is all very individual. But the severity can be removed very quickly and stopped. And then just work it out, work it out. Even suicidal fear, God forbid, or withdraw into yourself, immerse yourself - all this can be removed and worked through.

_

I would like to end where I started. In words, a little with a very subtle note of tragedy. Or rather, even a poem by my client, whom I quoted at the beginning. She went through a lot these days - from pain, despair, fear, despondency, to some kind of hope. Exactly hope. If you will allow me, just a few final lines:

My city howled with grief and impotence

He has no power to return the dead.

And only all those who were not indifferent asked:

“Our Peter, we are with you! Hold on!"

Hold on to my city, my fearless city!

Nothing can crush you.

May it be full of sorrow and pain these days, You know the answer - it's only to Live!

I: We all need to learn from the people of St. Petersburg

D. S.: Yes. This has survived - alive, some kind of spiritual. This honesty, sincerity. It's so subtle. It's true.

Damian of Sinai

Leadership Development Coach, expert psychoanalyst and expert on TV channels and radio