COMMAND ME ANOTHER! Request For Therapy

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

"Try to change yourself, and you will understand how negligible your chances are to change others."

Voltaire

It is clear that they do not go to a psychologist when everything in life suits them and everything is fine. And they apply when a person is at a dead end and does not see an independent way out of the problem, when he is in a difficult situation: a difficult emotional state, fears, worries, stress.

Work can be stalled when a person sees another cause of poor health: the boss at work, husband / wife, mother, child, friends. Then the request for therapy sounds something like this: how can I change his attitude towards me? Or another option, when a parent brings his child (more often a teenager) to a psychologist with the request "Fix my child so that he is, as before: kind, sweet, and most importantly, OBEY."

It may not necessarily be a child, who often would like to bring his mother, so that the psychologist would tell his mother his "ata-ta", "you cannot behave this way, so badly." Or bring a boyfriend, husband, girlfriend, so that the psychologist explains to them that they are not supposed to behave this way. That the one who brought them in should be appreciated, respected, and treated with gratitude.

Well, or if all these "broken" people do not want to go, then the psychologist at least explains how to behave with them, with such Herods, so that they understand, realize how wrong they are!

The most important thing is to understand that all these bad people do not just behave like that, if they cling, offend, then you have a hook inside, a splinter, a hold that hurts. That is, the psychologist can work only with these hooks, with the feelings that are inside the client.

Sometimes a powerful resistance is turned on. First, the client thinks like this: “If HE (the other one) is not to blame, then it turns out that I am to blame? water goose, and I suffer at the same time! So I am right, and the other one is guilty. " The logic is simple, who is to blame is the belt. This means that either the psychologist himself will give the guilty one a belt, or at least teach him how to insert his "caps" for bad behavior.

Or surprise arises: "And what have I to do with it? After all, if he / she behaved well, then I would be fine! And everything would be fine, everyone would be happy. And the birds were singing and the butterflies were flying." That is, the logic, again, is rather simple-minded: let him become the same again, or let her behave well again and everything will work out for us. And I would already be good, and that, the other - too. Everyone wins!

But the scoundrel psychologist for some reason does not want to teach how to prove, explain, show - to the one who is to blame. Doesn't want to fix the breakage THERE. Probably some kind of charlatan. Incompetent.

Of course, it's bad when the husband is tyrannizing. When the boss at work does not value merit, devalues the efforts. When friends betray. When mom criticizes endlessly, you can't get praise from her. When friends put pressure on a sick person. When people are not tactful, not delicate, they do not feel boundaries. This is all true.

How do you feel about it? Pain, resentment, anger, powerlessness, helplessness, disappointment, longing, bitterness, suffering. You can only work with this! With those feelings and experiences that you have inside. We cannot change other people, but we can change our attitude, our perception of what they are doing and how they behave.

This does not mean at all to resignedly allow oneself to continue to tyrannize, criticize, devalue, humiliate - to come to terms with all this. It means to stop feeling offended, humiliated, offended, devalued, disrespected. And for this…. You need to learn to value yourself, respect, love, care, be interesting to yourself. Then, when there is a sense of self-worth and significance, one can already learn to defend one's borders, defend one's rights, and suppress encroachments on one's psychological (and physical) well-being.

When the inner core of a person is strong, when there is unconditional self-love, when there is a sense of self-worth, then the attitude of the people around them changes. Then people intuitively feel, understand that this is impossible with you! And it's not about some kind of pride, your excessive aggression and readiness to "nag" anyone. The fact is that you are a complete, independent, self-sufficient person, a person who knows his own worth.