Clients Who Simulate Changes

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In light of my recent notes on the comfort zone and codependency, I cannot help but share with you the story of J. Kottler, about clients who prefer to visit a therapist in order to create the illusion of a solution to the issue. In our reality, such sessions are limited to short-term psychotherapy, but they can cause frustration even among experienced psychotherapists.

Among people who are difficult to work with because of their passivity and resistance to change, overly executive clients stand out. Psychotherapists often find them difficult not so much because of the peculiar style of communication (tendency to repetition and boring), but because of the forms of resistance they show. These people can undergo psychotherapy for many years, diligently attending all sessions, following all the recommendations of the psychotherapist, but only during the sessions. Outside the office, these clients continue to behave similarly passively, stubbornly resisting change. Faced with such a client, the psychotherapist generally begins to doubt that at least one of his wards is really changing, it seems to him that they are all just playing talentedly at change.

Passive, requiring special attention, addicted clients often do not realize what impression they make on their psychotherapists. Lonely and suffering, sometimes too much, they see their therapists as an endless source of support. Such clients claim undivided attention, although they themselves often repeat themselves and do nothing to change. In fact, they do not strive for change, they are quite satisfied with the existing state of affairs. However, these clients love to complain about their helplessness. They are ready to blame others for their failures and have come to us for years to retell the same stories, firmly confident that they will be listened to.

Bonnie is one of the sweetest, kindest and sweetest creatures I have ever had the pleasure of working with. She has an attractive appearance, speaks well and, moreover, is distinguished by sincerity. During the few years that we worked with her, she did not miss a single session. I'm used to her radiant smile. Moreover, she, apparently, is deeply grateful to me for my help and support and speaks with enthusiasm of her successes over the years of our communication with her. Ironically, Bonnie is one of my most difficult clients.

How, you are justly surprised, can such a cute creature serve as a source of constant disappointment? What else can a psychotherapist dream of? The client is so committed to personal growth and so actively participates in the sessions that she can give other clients lessons in etiquette and advice on the correct behavior during psychotherapy. Yet, for all her smiles, seeming openness, and an obvious desire to cope with her problems, Bonnie is prone to self-destruction in his especially vicious form, resistant to all the means I invent.

Since our first meeting, Bonnie has been dating the man she says she loves. This connection causes her (and me) a lot of suffering. Not being a villain in the generally accepted sense of the word, Bonnie's eternal choice Michael nevertheless leaves much to be desired. In fact, he does not like women, although he cares about Bonnie more than about anyone else, which cannot be said from his behavior. Yes, Michael is apparently unable to take care of himself, he has never had close relationships with other people. Despite all his attempts, and sometimes he really tries to get close to Bonnie, he only pushes her away from him. For information: Michael himself will never decide on psychotherapy. Over the years, Bonnie and Michael were engaged twice and separated the same number of times. Whenever Bonnie seemed to finally break up with him, she would immediately start all over again.

Since my acquaintance with Bonnie has been a long time, I have tried every method of intervention known to me. She and I went through existentialism and psychoanalysis, revealed the reasons for her adherence to such a relationship, revealed clear parallels with the fate of her parents. Using a cognitive-behavioral approach, I tried to get her to look at her situation from a new perspective. The client was responsive to all my interventions, but only during the sessions, but in life she continued to behave in the old way. “Yes, I know that he is not my match. I am aware that this relationship will never give me what I want. But I just can't let him go, although I try very hard."

This case provided an excellent occasion for a paradoxical intervention. I recommended that she see Michael as often as possible, and when she again complained about his callousness, I defended him. I could list dozens of other interventions, all of which Bonnie responded well to at first. Some time later, she again took up the old. One day, in despair, I suggested that she stop psychotherapy for a while, to which she, as always, readily agreed.

A year later, she again appeared in front of me, even more determined to break with Michael once and for all. This time I agreed to work with her on the condition that she would not talk about Michael. We have the right to discuss any other topics. At first, things went well, if only because we did not touch upon a problem that was particularly troubling to her.

I have discussed this case with many of my colleagues. Each one expressed his own assumptions, and I'm sure you will agree with some of them. Bonnie tends to be a loyal customer. She likes the very process of psychotherapy. In addition, she realizes that she is not interested in changing some aspects of her life. As for me, I find it hard to come to terms with the fact that I have to work with a client who prefers to talk without taking any real action on the path to change.

Jeffrey A. Kottler. The compleat therapist. Compassionate therapy: Working with difficult clients. San Francisco: Jossey-Bass. 1991 (lyricist)