When Everything Changes For Sure

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

At one time, when I was working as a trainer in the field of personnel management, I came across an interesting model for accepting changes (I do not remember the author, unfortunately). It consists of 4 stages of attitudes towards changes in the life of the work collective: denial, resistance, intelligence and commitment.

I have always considered this model to be an excellent illustration of the process of any external change, but only recently I realized how closely it relates to changes initiated from within:

1. Negation … The internal need for change does not mature immediately, it ripens like an apple on the tree of knowledge, it is gradually filled with juice, but at the same time it often remains reliably hidden in the hustle and bustle of everyday life, in the mountains of information and strict schedules of the working day. Somewhere in the depths of our souls, we already know for sure that this need exists, but as soon as we touch it, feel it in passing … it becomes uncomfortable, and we run into more pleasant or familiar affairs and reflections.

After all, how so? I walked here so much, aspired and everything is wrong? Or - everyone lives like this: mom, grandmother, neighbor, and what am I? Don't like it, see !? Be patient, you just didn't get enough sleep, the period is now like that, etc.

But the need is already there. And then, at one fine moment, this poured bright red apple becomes impossible not to notice.

In the theory of personnel management, at this stage of adopting changes, it is advised to inform people as much as possible. So here too, the more a person finds knowledge about himself in various ways (psychotherapy, various literature activating self-knowledge, trainings, movies, intimate conversations with friends …), the more apples-needs will become obvious.

The most important thing at this stage is to see your need and not turn away from it.

2. Resistance … Apples are visible. So what?! “Who changes their profession at 35 ??”, “It is simply impossible to do it!”, “Everyone tolerates, and I will tolerate!”.

This is a period of collision with a great variety of our internal rules, different possible and impossible, images of "normal" people, the requirements of parents, society and Aunt Vali from the second entrance … Rules are a useful thing, but sometimes some of them become outdated or initially at odds with reality and do not allow us to move towards what we want. The only option is to catch all these stopping convictions (introjects) and carefully examine them for reliability. Is it really only those who work late to move up the career ladder? Is it true that mothers of 2 year olds are not entitled to a manicure in the salon? … Find and review. Again and again. It should be noted that this activity may only seem easy. In fact, many introjects have been with us for so long that they have become completely invisible and constant, like breathing.

The most important thing at the stage of resistance is to hear your internal objections and double-check them.

3. Intelligence service … The rules (introjects) were caught, their validity was questioned, and the determination came to try to do something that was not allowed to themselves before.

In the same theory of change management, business gurus talk about the importance of the first successes at this stage, for moving on to the next.

If the first experiments were successful, then the person seems to have the right to “want” and “be” in accordance with his needs. He was definitely not "eaten" and he not only "survived", but also enjoyed it.

The most important thing at this stage, I think, is not to devalue this experience, referring, for example, to luck or chance … Thought "What if it won't work anymore?" launches a new coil of resistance.

The previous three stages can go one into another for a very long time … But the certainty in this or that choice will become more and more every time.

4. Adoption (commitment). When the results become stable, we straighten our shoulders, find greater stability in our legs and more clearly understand what needs to be done next. We also understand that difficulties and obstacles may lie ahead, but there is already confidence in the correctness of our own path.

I really like this model because, finding myself at the stage of resistance or reconnaissance, I understand that I have become a little closer to the desired changes. Even negation is no longer zero, but plus one in four!