2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2024-01-12 20:57
Are you dissatisfied with your relationship with your partner, with others, with your parents? Do you want to change this relationship?
Please!
AND first of all, start with yourself.
Everything that happens to us in the outer world, in relations with others, is a reflection of us and our inner world.
We often say that we are changing thanks to certain events that happen to us.
We believe that certain circumstances change us.
But this is a reciprocal process.
Exactly we must change ourselvesso that the circumstances also change.
* Generalized example from practice:
Girl K. in the most upset feelings:
“My boyfriend called and said he had a lot of work. He won't be able to meet today. And I've already come up with so many plans for the evening. Or maybe he just doesn't want to date me? !"
And then, in the voiced thought-forms of the girl, pictures - now he is at a party, then he meets with another, then he … fantasies flowed like a stormy river.
But these are just fantasies of a girl who is insecure both in herself and in her relationship.
And they, these fabrications, speak volumes.
Here are just a few variations: - the girl is not sure of the guy's sincerity, - there is no trust in the relationship, - the girl has low self-esteem, - had a sad experience of previous relationships, - the girl shows signs of codependency - constant control over her partner.
And in each individual work, the list goes on with various additions.
The roots of such fantasies are experiences from childhood.
In working with K., it becomes clear that the girl grew up in a comfortable family, with an emphasis on financial well-being. She was pampered with beautiful new clothes and toys. But the parents showed emotionality and love very restrainedly, they said: "You have everything, but all kinds of caresses and tenderness, hugs are of no use to you!"
The girl did not receive unconditional love and acceptance from her parents
And, as a result, her self-esteem was not established, she tried to deserve and earn with good behavior and marks at least a little bit of love, parental attention.
In her life, the understanding did not appear: "I am for myself", "I want and can be important and valuable for myself."
Only through the recognition of others, at first these were parental figures, and then partners, did she feel her value and need.
And this is a dead-end path to merging in relationships, to the impossibility of being in equal, trusting relationships: Such relationships where there is “You and I”, where “WE” are different self-sufficient individuals. Such a relationship, when they say and accept sincerely: "We like each other, we love each other, we are close." But without merger and total control.
AND first of all, start with yourself.
If you read the article and think about it, then you are already on the way to changes in yourself.
And changes in yourself are a guarantee of changes in life!
Appreciate every moment of your life!
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