2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Anxious mothers find it difficult to come to terms with the fact that the child was born for her own destiny, and not in order to be the emotional container of her fears and anxieties.
Such mothers breastfeed for too long, can sleep in the same bed with a child, at best, up to 7 years, and in the worst case, up to 16 years. It is difficult for them to endure the separation and it is almost unbearable to let go of someone from themselves.
The kid has no choice but to be afraid of any parting. He quickly gets used to the fact that his mother decides and does everything for him, right up to tying his shoelaces and buttoning up the buttons. In the kindergarten, he will need independence, the ability to make decisions and interact with others on equal terms, all this plunges him into deep emotional stress, from which he may not even get out as an adult.
What adaptation disorders can we observe in a child from a hyper-anxious family:
- emotional difficulties
- high level of general anxiety
- excessive tearfulness
- problems of the gastrointestinal tract (constipation, diarrhea, vomiting)
- chronic cold
- phobias
On the inner plane, the baby gives a message: “I am afraid, afraid of this world, people, everything new. To live, you need to hide behind your mother."
In this case, maladjustment can last for years until it develops into isolation, chronic neurosis, paranoid, anxiety-phobic manifestations.
Everything comes from the family, from the parents, from the family upbringing. Kindergarten for a child is one of the most important challenges in life. The parental task is not to save, not to reject, not to hide the child, but to help cope.
What can be done:
• In a month or two, start preparing the child for kindergarten in conversations - tell about yourself, how you came to the group for the first time, how you were, the child will remember your experience and know that you also went through this test.
• Take a few walks around the kindergarten, pay attention to the child, how other children play in their areas, have fun.
• Listen to his first impressions. But do not try to immediately save him or protect him from something, first, clear everything up.
• Try to position the child for feedback - ask, but not intrusively. If you want to give advice, think back to yourself at his age and tell how you did it. But in no case do not insist on anything or press.
• When giving advice to a child, do not take into account your current life age. Speak with children only in their language - simply, in short phrases, in words that they can understand.
• Draw, paint together. Create an art exhibit at home about your first weeks or kindergarten impressions. If your child wants to talk a lot about what he has drawn, be patient and listen.
• If the child says that he is “tired of kindergarten and children,” give him a break of several days.
• Always be in contact with caregivers.
• Do not scold for not successes and failures, be wise. The kid is just gaining life experience, one cannot do without mistakes.
• Do not compare, criticize, or evaluate your child with other children. They have different fates and different family systems.
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