Why You May Never Know How Your Child Is Really Treated In Kindergarten (and How To Find Out)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Part 1. Why You May Never Know How Your Child Is Really Treated in Kindergarten

Children often do not tell their parents about what is happening in kindergarten. And especially if the parents instill in the child that "adults must be obeyed", "adults know better." And the child is convinced that if the teacher hurts him, it is with him, the child, that something is wrong. And some nannies and teachers additionally intimidate children: “If you tell your parents, I’ll kill / deprive you of a walk / lock them in the toilet,” and so on. So the children are silent, even when their parents ask: “Do the teachers offend you? Are they hitting?"

- No, - the frightened kid answers.

And the parent, satisfied with the answer received, with a sense of accomplishment, goes about his business.

Unfortunately, I know not so few people who say that the teachers created the most real horrors … And the kids were afraid to tell mom and dad. Now that they have become adults, they know what to tell … but time is already lost. Some children have lifelong resentment against their parents for being forced to go where they were bullied. But it's hard for parents to understand.

- What did you not say when I asked you? - Mom blinks in bewilderment.

Indeed, it is difficult for an adult to understand why. It is difficult to realize how much a child believes in the wisdom and omnipotence of adults. And what a tremendous lifelong trauma they can inflict.

I'll tell you a little about my experience. year 2012. I get a job in a kindergarten. A well-equipped kindergarten in a prestigious area, but … the nanny I work with is horror, and not at all quiet. Screams, insults, periodically rewind swearing, zero kindness to both children and adults. But adults can endure this, but what is it like for kids? A teacher from another group, bending over to me, whispers in fright:

- She has her children in this kindergarten, but not in her group. Once two groups were walking in the street, and her daughter fell to the ground … And this one shouted to the teacher: “Open your eyes, ***! Your child has fallen!"

But now the miracle nanny communicates with one of the parents. And what do I see? An evil fury, from which some abomination flies out of her mouth through a word, suddenly turns into a cute fairy. How does she manage this transformation? Where does all this oil come from? As soon as the parent leaves, the mask falls off instantly. It feels like she can't hold her for long.

So, even if the staff of the kindergarten are specifically with you gentle and nice, this does not mean that they remain the same with your children after the door has closed behind you.

To be continued. In the next article, I will tell you several ways at once to find out what is still happening with the baby behind closed doors.

Part 2. How do you know how a child is treated in kindergarten

While some parents peep (no kidding) through the window of the kindergarten, put dictaphones in the pockets of their children or, like the real James Bond, collect information from the parents of classmates, others use more psychological methods.

I talked about why you might never know how a baby is actually being treated - even if you ask him about it head-on. If you want to know the truth for sure (and this is a perfectly healthy desire), there are several ways that can help. Of course, applying several of them at once will give more accurate information.

But I must say right away that these methods require attentiveness to your child and a willingness to spend time on him. Many modern parents live in the most severe time trouble, and they hardly find time even for the priority things. However, the child's psyche is the primary thing. What an adult thinks is a trifle will leave such a mark in the child's soul that will not be erased even decades later. Is the hour saved worth it? Of course not! Therefore, we turn to the methods.

Reaction to kindergarten. I note right away that a negative reaction the first time you visit the garden is the norm. Moreover, it is an unavoidable stress that many parents still have to go through. However, if the resistance when going to the institution has been going on for more than a month, this is suspicious. The reaction can also be non-verbal. For example, a child … falls asleep by the time of arrival at the kindergarten. It is his body, preparing for the inevitable, gives out a defensive reaction. Or the baby suddenly starts to hurt. And this is not his harm - not even every adult can consciously cause a disease in himself. It is a defense that is about survival - yes, it is. If what happens in the kindergarten is perceived by the baby's psyche as a threat, it will defend itself in all available ways.

We now turn to targeted methods of identifying what is happening. First of all, it is, of course, a game. And even if the child is afraid / embarrassed to talk about the teacher's abuses, he is not yet advanced enough to be able to hide it in the game. The point is to play kindergarten, with or without dolls. Stay a child, and let the baby play the role of a teacher. If the children refuse, it is worth asking: “Why? Are you bored? Unpleasant? Why is it unpleasant? Perhaps he really just doesn't want to play right now. Or maybe it makes him fond of memories.

A version of the game - not in kindergarten, but simply in the "senior". Senior and junior doll, senior and junior bear. And if the "younger" bear is offended, pulled back, shouted at or even beaten, this is an alarming sign. There is no need to condemn the child for playing his role in this way - after all, somewhere he saw this and simply copies this behavior. Our task is to find out exactly where he saw it - you can gently ask.

If the child is not very intimidated, you can simply ask him questions (preferably when he is relaxed and feels safe). But not in the key "but how does the teacher treat you", but, for example, like this:

- If some kid does not obey the teacher, how does she behave?

- And if someone does not want to eat porridge?

- And if someone asks to use the toilet during a quiet hour?

Another important source of information is pictures. Ask them to draw a kindergarten group, and then discuss the drawing with your child. Why are the children here so sad? And who is this child who sits separately from the whole group? And why is he sitting there? Why does the teacher have an angry face? The most ominous, of course, are the drawings in which the teacher somehow mocks the children. The colors used are also important. Dark colors or black and white drawing are not the most positive option (unless, of course, at home, in principle, there are paints, colored markers or pencils).

Take your time and take half an hour or an hour to understand what conditions your child is in for many hours a day. The environment around him really affects his future - and therefore yours too.

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The article was first published on Yandex Zen.