2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Let your child be unbearable
"Good child" is an image of yourself,
identity, lifestyle and heavy burden.
How often do we parents allow our child to be unbearable?
- capricious;
- hysterical;
- noisy;
- aching;
-aggressive;
- stubborn;
- disobedient;
In a word, to be uncomfortable.
In my therapeutic practice, I often come across a category of adult clients who, in childhood, were not allowed to be by their parents. uncomfortable child … I define for myself such clients as "Good child".
The “good child” is their self-image, identity, lifestyle, and heavy burden. The image "Good child" obliges a lot, programs for a certain
I will not describe here the reasons for the appearance of such an image - this, perhaps, deserves a separate article - I will only say that this is the result of their childhood experience of interacting with significant people. And this experience of non-acceptance by the parents of the “uncomfortable” part of the child's I for them.
Identity Consequences "Good child" are very diverse and manifest themselves for an adult person with a number of psychological problems.
Here are just a few of them:
- insensitivity to your I;
- lack of understanding of their feelings, desires, needs;
- the ability to define and defend their psychological boundaries;
- Difficulty in building close relationships;
- dependence on the assessments of other people;
- Feelings of guilt that often arise in relationships;
- a big preponderance in their life "I must" over "I want";
- unstable self-esteem, etc.
A good boy, a good girl is an image of oneself, formed in the process of chronic rejection of the qualities of self that are “uncomfortable” for parents. This is, in fact, one-sided identity - the result of "amputation" of a part of your I, and such important qualities as aggressiveness, hysteria, sadness, etc. Aggressiveness is necessary for a person to highlight his I and defend its boundaries, to protect their needs, values, beliefs. Sadness is needed to experience disappointment, hysteria allows you to relieve excessive stress in the system.
This raises a number of important questions:
- To whom, if not the closest people, can a child present his "unsightly" sides of I?
- Where, who and when else will accept a child with his “socially unacceptable” qualities
- Who will teach him how to handle his aggression, anger, rage, resentment?
- What are the life and health consequences of repressing the above emotions?
It is difficult to expect that in life someone else besides parents will be able to be as sensitive and so unconditionally accepting for your child.
This is a lot for me mission of parents.
In no case should my text be taken as a manifesto of parental permissiveness. Extremes, as you know, are not good anywhere, including in matters of education. Rather, in my article I wanted to draw the attention of parents to another important function of theirs, which no one but them can perform.
Love yourself, and the rest will catch up!))
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