2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
When you decide not to suffer anymore - on those days that are dark nights - with dawn you don't really wake up cheerful, fresh, cheerful, cheerful and … not suffering. You wake up determined. With the intention to change something. But not suffering. And first of all, you still admit to yourself what else hurts where you decided that there will be no more pain, that there is still a thundercloud of tears, that you are still bored, still angry and offended, you still finish in your head what you wanted to say, what else…. And you understand that no matter how you want to accelerate, it damn well knows how much time it needs, and at what speeds we will go where it doesn't hurt.
Exactly ONE minute passes in this way …
Then minutes.
Then the hour and the clock.
The hours are dying in days.
Days also go by - believe me. Bitch very, very slow …
After days, nights gradually begin to come and go (those that we used to confuse with days).
And on some nights it is already possible to sleep.
On some nights, you can even have dreams.
And in some, you don't even have to wake up until the morning.
Nights and days, if you want to add them one with the other, add up to months.
One at first.
Then one plus one.
Two plus one.
There really is someone who needs as much …
And then suddenly there comes a moment when you, apparently doing some of your household chores, freeze for a moment, raise your eyes from the cleaned to shine of the toilet bowl and recall with surprise that for some time - days, weeks or months - you have been smiling to someone you say “Hello”. And they smile back at you. And they also say "Hello" to you.
In the same day.
At the same time.
In the same place.
And it’s not that you were raised that way - to say “Hello” to everyone (although this is how you were raised). But you really want to. And you are also waiting for the next time you say this to each other "Hello". And you smile at this expectation.
"Hello." "Hello." Smile. Smile.
It seems that that's all - nothing more.
But for some reason, there, where once it was warm, and then suddenly it hurt, bitter, cold and empty, you will again recognize this very - still small - warmth. That you thought you gave it all away Which seemed to be gone forever along with … A little bit. A small droplet. But you definitely recognize him - so valuable to you - and you will never confuse him with anything. And you will take great care.
And suddenly you realize that it actually has always been and will be with you, no matter who comes and leaves. After all, it's not that it's possible only with someone special. The fact is that IT IS YOU SO KNOW!
And after such realizations, of course, you are no longer up to cleaning the toilet …
These are the days that replace the dark finger-biting nights
Dmitry Chaban
Kiev. September 2018
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