2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
If they beat me, then it’s clearer - there are traces: abrasions, bruises. There is something to show to the police, there is something to see for yourself and to understand for yourself "Yes, it was, I will not allow it anymore."
Moral psychological abuse is difficult to find in oneself and to admit, but it leaves trauma as after a beating. This is when for a broken cup they do not talk to a child for a long time "sit in the room alone and think what you have done." This is when mom cuts her nails to meat, it hurts to endure, you can't yell, it hurts and wait a long time until they grow a little. This is when my head is washed with boiling water, because "the prevention of colds." When for disobedience in front of a child they break a stool and say "next you". The sliver ricochets on my cheek.
This is when at the age of fifteen you cannot buy lipstick, because "you will bring it in the hem, curva." This is when I forgot to put on a skirt in the kindergarten, and you can't go back "so you will get a lesson for forgetfulness, and all the children will laugh at you." And I go and know that I cannot change anything. This is when everyone has hairstyles and haircuts in the tenth grade, and I have a braid, because again, "I'll bring it in the hem."
Psychological violence is when broken knees need to be hidden, because “my mother will be sad” and “herself is to blame”, this is when a cold is treated with garlic in the nose and an alcohol compress all over the face and a fire is dreamed at night, eyes are tied with a compress. You can’t resist, because “mom will leave home”. Common sense says that she drinks coffee at a friend's for three houses, but the others say - they draw a picture of her death and "I am to blame for this, of course." This is when you need to go to the chiropractor, when nothing hurts, it hurts very much after his "work", but you need to endure and be silent, because "this is for you, you fool, for the good, then you will thank me."
You must always be silent and endured. You cannot share with another, you cannot shout for help, because the knowledge is embedded that “the family will leave and the other will not”. Psychological abuse is when I tried to defend myself and I was left. One in six years at a tram stop for a long time "for education." You cannot snap back - "after all, tears grieve grandmother, and she is sick because of you."
Psychological abuse is a birthday party every year they say that they let down, that they were born a girl. And they wanted a boy "dad even hung up when he found out about you." This is when my parents are watching a horror movie at full volume, and I am “put to bed,” but all the growls are heard.
Psychological abuse is crazy because when the family is out on the street, everything is perfect. Nice and polite family, everyone is very kind, but at home everything is different. Psychological abuse is when my books are thrown away for disobedience - a stack every 10 minutes, and the stack is already in the trash bin and the book cover has broken.
What's next? Leave, but after all, it’s like “the family is nice people and there was nothing particularly bad in childhood”.
The consequence may be that the partners will be the same “friendly and sweet”, familiar. And the psychological abuse will continue. And again everything is fine, friends take an example from the external picture and no one knows that there is still psychological violence inside. That if she is used to enduring and being silent, then it eats into the soul. It is difficult to grasp, because "after all, everything seems to be fine" and "an ideal family." And if he takes the blanket at night, then “all the couples are playing for the blanket like that,” everything may be playing, but I slept frozen for several years, my body ached in the morning, because it’s warmer to sleep in the fetal position. The patterns will be similar. When he also forcibly "heals, rescues and improves." And I want to run away, but nowhere to run. And then the strength comes to run away “to nowhere” and there, apart from the “kind and lovely,” it gradually becomes easier to live and the understanding of the truth slowly comes.
Psychological abuse is hard to comprehend. Looks like the outside picture is perfect. Ideal for performance, for neighbors, for teachers. And when you realize this, a lot of pain comes out. And the difference between external and internal no longer hurts the eyes. And the clarity of the perception of the world comes.
It takes a lot of time and psychotherapy to realize, and the pain knocks in the body and overwhelms and presses in the chest. And it lets go gradually and leaves. Only scars remain on the soul. Although sometimes I still find moments that have eaten into my soul and let them go. And there is something to see for myself and to understand for myself, "Yes, it was, I will not allow it anymore."
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