2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
There are two types of anger: justified or unjustified, or justified and unjustified. The first one arises as a result of injustice: something was stolen from us, we were slandered, etc. The second is when we feel discontent, disappointment, when we are deceived in our own expectations, unfulfilled intentions and unsuccessful attempts. These incidents make our life less comfortable and touch painful points in the emotional sphere.
To understand whether anger is justified or not, two questions need to be asked:
What specific evil has been committed?
Do I know everything about what happened?
All of us have at one time experienced unfounded anger caused by an apparent injustice that actually didn’t happen. We can feel resentment in different situations: coincidence of circumstances, erroneous perception, inappropriate generalization, some personal preference or expectation, and even just fatigue - and sometimes a combination of all these factors. Whatever the reason, we come to the wrong conclusion that we have been wronged. We are angry, but our outrage is unfounded.
So what do you do about that kind of anger? How can we deal with unfounded outrage, and how can we channel it for everyone's benefit?
There are three important components in a constructive response to unjustified anger, and a fourth component is often added to these.
Information exchange
The ability to talk heart to heart, share information is the first step towards a constructive resolution of the problem that has arisen. By presenting the situation from your perspective, you give the other person an opportunity to understand how you feel, think and what worries you. You place the main emphasis on the events that made you worry and do not focus on the culprit of the incident.
It is very important to understand that anger is not justified by anything, that no one has committed any evil against you. Yes, the abuser made your life difficult, made you feel negative, but he did not commit an immoral act.
Collection of information
Just ask why the “abuser” didn't do something.
In some cases, we have to admit that we do not have full information about what happened, so it can be difficult for us to determine whether we have a legal right to be indignant.
Gathering information is an important step in determining if your resentment is justified. So, when we realize that we simply did not understand everything so well, we will get rid of negative emotions and see in our offender an ordinary person.
Understanding
Sometimes, even realizing that our outrage is unfounded, it is not easy for us to get rid of negative emotions and accept what the people around us have done. In this case, we need to strive to understand each other. Even if the person has not committed any evil or wrongdoing, his behavior can still hurt you. You may feel resentment, disappointment, or resentment. You need to understand the actions of this person, and he needs to understand your feelings.
This requires a frank conversation from the heart, without any criticism, condemnation or accusations. It is the realization that your resentment is unfounded that will help refrain from criticism and condemnation.
The desire to reach understanding is a very important part in relationships with each other. We all feel much more confident when we reach an understanding. Even unfounded anger is a sign that there is no such understanding in some area of our relationship. Anger and resentment rarely go away on their own, without open, friendly conversation between the parties concerned.
Request for change
There are some habits, nuances of behavior that we can change. We cannot ask people to change their character traits, reactions, temperaments, etc. This is important to know and remember. The congenital practically does not change, we can change the acquired one.
Perhaps the main thing here is a request. We do not demand, we do not criticize. But we simply ask and prepare for the fact that we are also asked. We also need to be willing to change.
Based on the book by Gary Champen "The Downside of Love"
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