Family Relationships

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Family relationships and conflicts

Children are work

We are for them, not they for us

Good relationships and correct understanding of the child is possible only with the full acceptance of the child by the parents as he is. It is often difficult for us to understand what our children really need at the moment and it is difficult to help them, and this already results in a lot of misunderstandings and quarrels with children. Some mothers honestly admit that they have no love for their children. Then this feeling needs to be learned to cultivate by the parents themselves, for, without having love in us, we cannot teach children to love. And the child first of all needs parental love, like air, water and sun.

Conflicts with a child are very much aggravated when there is a meeting with his "I" by the age of three. The child then wants to prove himself, and the parents should not interfere with this. From my practice of working with children, I often observed how children at 2, 5-3 years old begin to actively resist their mother's help, they want to do everything themselves - this is an important step in the transition to independent study of the world. Here it is important for parents to observe and help the child enter a new phase of development.

Child development is accompanied by age-related crises, and during this period it is sometimes difficult to find a common language with children. However, you need to understand what is behind this or that child's behavior. An age crisis is the norm, it is good, natural and necessary. This is the transition to the next step. Conversely, if the child is not going through the crisis, this can be a wake-up call. In developmental psychology, the following stages are distinguished:

- the crisis of the newborn, which separates the embryonic period from infancy;

- the crisis of the first year of life, separating infancy from early childhood;

- crisis of 2-3 years - the transition to preschool age;

- crisis of 7 years - a bridge between preschool and school age;

- 13 years - the transition to adolescence.

In a neonatal crisis, the child experiences separation from the mother. The new need of this age is communication. In the crisis of the first year of life, the child masters walking, and also in this period, the beginning of the formation of speech occurs. At this time, the first acts of protest and opposition appear in children - the child begins to oppose himself to others, since the formation of the child's personality is also associated with the formation of walking. In the third year crisis, adults are confronted with negativism, stubbornness and a vivid desire for independence (this is also associated with the manifestation of the child's “I”, which was described in the previous section). The child wants to do everything himself. During a crisis of 6-7 years, naivety and spontaneity disappear in a child. Children are capricious, pretentious. The child begins to understand what it means "I am happy", "I am upset", "I am angry", "I am kind." His experiences take on meaning. Children of preschool age already "see the truth", for example, when drawing a cat, it is necessary for the drawing to really look like a cat, children of 7 years old become more awakened. In the adolescent crisis, a new shift begins in the development of the child, which is expressed in self-knowledge, self-affirmation of the individual.

Crises are necessary and inevitable. Every child passes through them, but the duration, depth and outcome of crises are different for everyone, these factors are influenced by the adult and the surrounding world. A crisis is an impetus for acquiring new qualities in a person. The task of the parent is to be able to correctly help overcome the transition from one age stage to another. Depending on the circumstances, an adult can always distract the child, tell a story, give some interesting activity, etc. (depending on the situation and age of the child) so that the child can correctly transform energy and experience an important stage in his life. The easiest way to work with a child is through play. An adult can always establish contact with a child through play, prevent this or that conflict.

"Problematic", "difficult", "naughty" and "impossible" children, as well as children "with complexes", "downtrodden" or "unhappy" - are always the result of incorrect family relationships. And the consequences are “problem”, “difficult”, “naughty”, “impossible” adults with their “complexes”, “downtrodden” and “unhappy” …

Most of those parents who seek psychological help for difficult children themselves suffered from conflicts with their own parents in childhood. Many Experts have come to the conclusion that the style of parental interaction is involuntarily imprinted in the psyche of the child. This happens very early, even in preschool age, and, as a rule, unconsciously.

As an adult, a person reproduces it as natural. Thus, social inheritance of communication style occurs from generation to generation: most parents raise their children the way they were raised in childhood.

My life and professional experience shows that it is important to educate yourself first of all. A child is, first of all, a person, just like an adult. A visit to a psychologist is important not only for the child, but also for the parent himself. Behind any child's problem there is a problem in the parent. By solving their own problems, parents learn to help their children.

The most suitable solution for conflict situations is a person-centered approach, which includes actively listening to the child, expressing his opinion and jointly searching for the optimal solution for both parties.

It is difficult for parents to learn to behave reasonably with a moody and disobedient child, because they have to deal with their own emotions. We need to be very clear about this and take it into account. The child can often reflect the whim of the parent himself through the prism of his behavior. It’s not for nothing that they say that children are our mirror, but we don’t always want to look into it.

For a child, just like for any person, psychological support is important, which leads to the solution of many problems. As parents, we need to learn to understand the child's personal experiences by actively listening to him.

Children live in the present tense, and it is important for them to react quickly, and not say that let's think of something tomorrow or mom is busy now, we'll figure it out later. From my own experience, I realized that the child needs help or attention at this very moment, and he is not able to wait. An adult can think about the future or the past, but it is difficult for a child to know when that future will come. As a way out, you can pay attention to the child at the moment, if this is really real, and only then return to your business. If things are urgent, then honestly say when exactly we will be able to pay attention to the child. If a child trusts his parents, then he knows that he will be given attention, but later, if later turns into never, then the child will probably demand attention right now and no explanation will help him. However, we must remember that children need us here and now, they live in the present. Many conflicts arise precisely because of these differences between adults and children.

To create a good family relationship with a child, you need to pay attention to special sensitive, sincere and honest family relationships.

To resolve problem situations, you can use the following rules:

- Describe the problem (describe the situation that has arisen, what the parent saw.)

"I see that there are many toys scattered on the floor."

- Give information.

“The scattered toys make it difficult for me to walk.”

- To put it in one word.

"Toys".

- Describe how you feel.

"I don't like it when the house is out of order."

- Write a note.

“Dear friend, we love it when after the game we are returned to their houses. Your toys!"

All feelings of the child must be respected and accepted. Some actions should be limited. “I see that you are very angry with your sister. Tell her what you want with your words, not your hands."

It is important for adults to take time to communicate with their children in the family. Nowadays it is such a time that it is difficult for parents to find "golden moments" for the family at all, and children do not have enough attention and love from the closest people. Due to the lack of time, children and parents simply do not have understanding and agreement among themselves, which leads to family conflicts. All psychologists know such a test with children. The child should draw a family on a piece of paper. Unfortunately, as a result of such studies, children often draw single-parent families (without a mom or dad). And when they were asked: "Where is mom or where is dad in the picture?" The child often answered: "And mom always washes the dishes, dad is at work, etc." That is, the child does not feel the presence of either mom or dad in his life. And from this already the most deplorable consequences of unhappy families and constant quarrels between children and parents.

While doing practice in kindergarten, I was allowed, as an exception, to conduct such a test with children. I asked the children to draw a family, before that my teachers and I did some preparatory work: we sang songs about the family, conducted finger games about the family. Many children drew their families, but some children did not draw families (mainly preschool children) due to the fact that the children were not used to drawing on assignments or those who did not know how to draw people. As a result, all the children had their mother and father depicted in their drawings, except for one boy of 7 years old, several children did not draw their older brothers and sisters, and almost all the children did not draw themselves in the drawings. They answered that "I am in the garden." This was a little upsetting, because then the child does not feel like one with the family. The child is in kindergarten all day and he perceives his family as if separately from himself. I think that all families nowadays need to get together more and more often for communication and recreation, so that children and adults can feel like one whole family, and then there will be fewer conflicts, and families are stronger and more friendly.

The article used materials from books:

Yu. B. Gippenreiter “Communicate with the child. How ?", Svetlana Royz "Magic wand for parents."

www.psychics.com.ua