2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Good things should happen to good people. Loved ones never cheat and never let you down. Conscientious work is always noticed and rewarded … These and many other statements are often central to our worldview. We usually do not check them, and live as if it is the ultimate truth
Indeed, it is much calmer and more pleasant to work in a team, if we consider it a “family”, where everyone is friends with everyone, everyone cares about each other, an atmosphere of peace, love and mutual understanding reigns. For many people, a work team replaces a family that did not exist. Or it becomes a family that has always wanted, as opposed to a real, not quite ideal and warm family. And this attitude, even if it does not quite correspond to reality, saves from disappointment in others if they act dishonestly, substitute or work for their own interests, and not at all for the team, work for their own, and not for the general benefit.
You probably already understood that in this case we are talking about an illusion. This illusion protects from reality, from the fact that colleagues are not really family. And realizing this, you can face the experience of loneliness, which the psyche so skillfully avoids, putting on a beautiful illusion.
Everyone has their own life, and work is only a part of it. And if in my life it occupies the lion's share, and in addition to relationships associated with the team, coffee breaks and lunch that I spend with employees, there is nothing in my life, then, dispelling this illusion, I can experience a variety of feelings - and loneliness, emptiness, and the realization that in fact I am not interested in myself, or real relationships frighten me so much that I do everything to put workers in their place. In this way, "office romances" are often struck, because where else to look for a soul mate, if not in a place where the best people in the world work - at my job!
If I believe that my conscientiousness and hard work will be noticed, and all that is needed for success and career growth is even more work, I can get into a squirrel wheel. By working even more, I get even more tasks, more criticism or praise (depending on the system in which I work, whether I am motivated by a stick or a carrot), but at the same time, my salary and position may remain unchanged for a long time. And I will be surprised when other colleagues, more ambitious, perhaps less conscientious, lower in position, will receive bonuses, promotions, and management praise. In this case, you can clearly see how the illusion that the world is just works, the reward is always the result of work, effort, honesty and decency …
Usually, something very important has to happen for the illusion to collapse. It can be an extreme situation in which you experienced severe stress or shock - the death or illness of someone close, the betrayal of a person you trusted everything, a natural disaster, a difficult period in life or society (like the crisis of the 90s) … In such moments of crisis, a person often begins to see what was hidden under the veil of illusion. However, it is possible to recognize and get rid of illusions without extreme situations. We need inner work, perhaps even in therapy, on those attitudes and ideas that “hide” reality from us and prevent it from developing.
What happens when illusions are destroyed? As paradoxical as it may sound, our illusions protect us not only from reality, but also from growing up. Having overcome a crisis, an extreme situation, an attitude that was once taken on faith, and now leads the whole life, a person grows up.
And this does not mean that from now on it is necessary to consider all people as strangers, not to trust anyone, not to be friends with anyone. Just growing up in this case can mean the ability to see the other as he is, to question him, to be interested in him, and his real attitude, and not immediately write him down as “the best friends”. When you can change the distance, build different relationships with different people, trust not 100%, but as much as you think is necessary - this indicates that this illusion has dispelled. And it's time to look inside yourself for another. Believe me, there are plenty of them in the psyche:)
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