2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
This is the type of mother whose behavior can lead to schizophrenia in the child. At the same time, the mother herself, from the point of view of medicine, is healthy. I often have to work with children of such mothers. And now, when the experience has accumulated a little in this topic, I would like to describe this phenomenon in more detail both from the point of view of the mother and from the point of view of the child.
She is often a kind and very caring mother. She knows a lot, understands a lot, she has everything under control. High anxiety makes her think through everything to the smallest detail. No matter how something happens, the world is so dangerous.
She perceives her child as property with which she can do whatever she wants. The child's needs and desires are ignored, not heard.
Such a mother is characterized by a low or complete absence of criticality to her behavior and to reality in general. The child should eat when the mother wants it. He should be asleep when Mom decided it was time. With whom the child should be friends / not be friends, the mother knows too. The child should feel what the mother likes. One of my clients, 13 years old, says:
- Smile! Why are you so sad? Smile, I said! - sounds almost like an order.
When the girl tries to smile (out of fear so as not to make her mother even more angry), the mother states:
- What are you grinning feigned! This is a grin, not a smile!
A child in such a situation feels confusion, which is not far from insanity … It is difficult to please such a mother, no matter how hard you try.
This mother knows exactly what the child should be and what it should not. And it will be very soft, but very persistently, to achieve this conformity. Any deviation of the child from his mother's ideas entails rage. The child feels it, gets scared and tries to conform … At the cost of destroying his own personality.
By affection or threat, a child is taught from childhood to tell absolutely everything to a dear mother. The child remains under the same total control as when he was in the womb. Mother knows everything about him! Only in this way is she calm. And the child?
Who cares? This is how a mother “loves” her child. She already knows how she loves her child! After all, a child is the whole raison d'être of her existence. She is so straight to the child from birth and says: "You are the only joy in my life!"
What does the child feel?
If a mother is asked this question, she will not even ask her child about it. She knows for him that he is happy. Because he believes that with such a mother he simply must be happy!
So what does the child really feel?
Let's ask the child.
Nastya is 20 years old, lives for 2 years separately from her parents. In therapy for 2 months. Here are some of her phrases:
"I feel ashamed for my existence on Earth"
“I have lost my meaning, I am not. I am scattered on crumbs like bread, like dust all over the world"
"I constantly feel the presence of my mother, her all-seeing eye, as if she sits on my shoulder and criticizes"
“I can't relax to sleep. I constantly need to run somewhere, to do something."
“I’m not! I am my mother's golden toy!"
The child of such a mother feels absorbed by her. In her complete power!
A child of a schiophrenic mother can be very painful. From viral diseases to severe ones - such as epilepsy and schizophrenia. Moreover, serious illnesses have an atypical course, which only confirms the psychological nature of their origin.
The child is sick in order to feel the boundaries of his body, separate from the mother. At least through pain …
For such children, and then adults, the question of existence and non-existence is put bluntly. I am? Or am I not? From thoughts about their own uselessness, about questions of being and the meaning of human existence to real suicidal actions.
Such children seek and find extreme activities, such as parkour, parachuting and the like, just in order to feel their own, separate from their mother, existence.
Tattoos, hard piercings are also here. Out of a desire to define your own individual boundaries.
In the love of a schizophrenogenic mother, there is no place for trust and sensitivity to the needs of another. And to be honest, there is no love at all. There is a merciless power demanding total submission to the mother's ideas about the ideal child, covered with false care and false tenderness.
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