HOW DO WE MAKE THE UNWANTED SELF?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Lack of confidence in yourself, in your abilities. The condition is familiar to many. Someone as a temporary state of health, someone as a lifestyle. What's behind it? What is so insecure in a really insecure person?

If you understand the very word uncertainty, it turns out that the person is not standing at FAITH into yourself, into your strength. And if not with Faith in yourself, then where? After all, somewhere he exists….

Everything has at least two sides - forward and backward. And the reverse side of Faith in yourself and in your own strengths is Faith in the absence of your strengths and denial of yourself. And notice, not a lack of strength, but Faith in their absence. A person cannot or does not want to be himself for some reason (they are all individual). He refuses to accept himself as whole: with strength and without strength, with possibilities and without possibilities. And according to this Faith, instead of creating himself, man destroys himself by denial. Here he has the strength and capabilities, but he stubbornly says that he has neither the strength nor the capabilities.

He piously maintains the image UNNECESSARY yourself, worthless, incapable, unprofessional, etc. As befits a person who denies his strength, he is actively afraid of life, despair, torments, trembles. Next, the body reacts with muscle stiffness, tightness in communication, intimate inconsistency, dizziness, weakness … That is, the body's normal reaction to the message of the brain is triggered - there are no forces. A person in any situations becomes a victim of the situation, because he also denies his capabilities. Man cannot and does not want to be BY YOURSELF whole.

Have you ever met a big guy who gave in to a boorish "run over" of a young thin kid? Do you think it's all about sports skills? Perhaps, if both of them are in the ring and know the capabilities of each. But if this is an accidental meeting on the street, then the matter is in their FAITH. One - in their own strength, and the other - in their absence.

And a competing job interview run can generally be used as a test of confidence. If you want to test your Faith - go through any interview in your specialty.

Where does this conviction grow from? Where is the point at which this belief in the absence of power appeared? This point is an evaluative opinion, comparing oneself to others. Those. rating yourself everywhere and always. Moreover, the decision here is made for others independently. But people who are not confident in their abilities do not have good grades in their "diary". They at some point in time turned into evaluative "addicts", addicted to bad grades. And a two for them is the highest mark for the ability to deny their strengths and abilities, like a five for the ability to use them.

A person has certain qualities and abilities (innate and acquired). This is a fact, a given. This fact is neither bad nor good. It is just a set of human tools that are laid down for life, achievements, procreation.

If we evaluate these qualities adequately, then we can only evaluate the side of a person that at a given moment in time is turned to the situation. And it either fits the situation or it doesn't. And this is just a fact.

And how does the brain of a person who does not believe in himself work? Before forming a program for uncertainty, the brain hears: you are not keeping up; others can, but you cannot; it is necessary to work on the shortcomings; you have to be better (which almost means that you are initially worse); why are you so weak and insecure; no one needs you like that. In general, everything is NEDO-. And the brain, having received the commands, begins to actively engage in the given program: IT COMES TO THE UNNECESSARY SELF, it becomes very attentive to the shortcomings and inattentive to the merits. The whole body is given the task to behave like a vanquished, and not like a winner.

Such a program is broadcast to society and those around them feel the person's uncertainty in their gaze; movements; words that the person himself is not aware of. A person who does not believe in himself seems to pass an exam every time for his uselessness, inadequacy, and lack of professionalism. And every time he succeeds. He receives his well-deserved "deuce" for lack of confidence as a reward. And he lives in accordance with the created program "do not expect anything good from life", and safely receives an assessment.

Imagine a person who comes to an interview with an uncertain expression, with all his appearance broadcasting

I DO NOT BELIEVE in my strength. I do not expect anything good from you.

You don't need me. I can't do the job.

And the employer reads "no good" expectations. And accepts the promise of powerlessness. The installed program is working correctly. The person happily receives what is expected. And then he asks himself the question "Why can't you live?"

The answer suggests itself: because you need to change the flat program about yourself. To accept your other side - to enter the depths of the volume of perception. Everything has at least two sides. And if we are to evaluate, then we need to accept both sides - and the powerless, impossibility; and strong. Finish the invisible, unmanifest. And start building a WHOLE self, successful and real, and not one-sided.

An integral image gives rise to BELIEVE in your own strengths and in your present self.

Lilia Litvinenko

Psychologist, coach