2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Imagine that to you, a child, your mother handed you a bowl filled to the brim with water. "Take it, daughter - these are my feelings and my life. You need to walk very, very carefully with the cup, and most importantly, do not spill a drop. Every drop that falls on the floor will hurt me very, very much. You are a good girl - will you take care of me? " And you nod your head - of course, why not?
But from that moment on, tension comes into our lives. No unnecessary movements - mom will be hurt. The body becomes wooden, the steps are cautious, and the gaze is fixed only on this bowl, which I grabbed with numb hands. And still, even with all the efforts, drops are spilled - and mom screams. You are ashamed, scared, guilty - and you make new efforts. And your own bowl is somewhere off to the side and dries up. But you don't really remember about her …
And mom? And she really is not very calm either. After all, in the hands of the child is her own life. And so she constantly monitors what she is doing and how her daughter behaves. Don't go there - it's slippery there, if you fall, you'll spill all of me. The earth is trembling here. It's too soft here - you'll lose stability. And in general, it's better to stay here - it's a good place, I equipped it for you so that you don't make any unnecessary movements. More accurate !!!
A tough bond held together by fear and guilt. There is so much tension that the question of why should I hold my mother's cup in my hands does not even come to my mind? Why not mom herself? And when, in the end, this question comes to mind, the answer is often this: do not be selfish! He burns with guilt, and everything goes as before.
And you can't just put this bowl on the ground. Not only because a lot of water will be spilled and there will be a lot of pain. But also because over the years of holding the cup, you generally forget that you have your own, lying somewhere in a dusty corner. And there is a feeling of a terrible emptiness, and you urgently need to grab onto something so that your hands again feel the usual fullness. And the closest thing is Mom's cup. At the same time, you will not be selfish …
And if you still notice yours, and, having put your mother, take your own? You can see a parent pouring water out of their bowl and yelling, "Look what you are doing? You are hurting me!"
That's when you will experience surprise: "Mom, but it’s YOU now throwing water out of the bowl and hurting yourself! I don’t even touch this bowl! It’s you who just kicked your bowl, which I carefully put on the ground, and not me, like you're trying to assure me! " - when you are very, very surprised by this, then we can say: the separation is over. You will be able to be sad about what your mother (or someone else from very significant loved ones) is doing to yourself, you will be able to show interest in what is in her bowl, offer to look into yours, offer your help in helping to apply be careful with the bowl, but the knot of guilt for not being clever enough with someone else's life will be untied. It is important to see - and be very, very surprised …
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UPD. Mom (a real or existing image in our minds) does not give her cup out of malice. More often than not, she herself wore other people's cups all her life, and very badly knows how it is to carry hers. But no one except her can solve this problem.
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