About The Downed Pilot Drama And How To Take Off Again

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In life, each of us has victories and defeats happen, something turns out well, but something is not very good. Yes, sometimes there are annoying accidents, unfair patterns. And for sure, everyone at least once in his life felt disappointment and frustration, doubted himself and gave up. This is fine. But, some people find the strength and internal resources to "rise from the ashes", rise after defeat and move on, try again, do new things. Others - no, they cling to the past, freeze in anticipation of the future, waste energy on analyzing the rhetorical "why?", Fall into depression and really weaken.

In life, the definition of "downed pilot" is used for people who seriously claimed success, showed hope and really seemed promising guys, but … a certain circumstance (for example, in sports - a loss, failure to achieve a set goal, injury, disqualification; in activity - reduction, dismissal, bankruptcy; in the sphere of relationships - betrayal, separation, divorce, etc.) "knocks the earth out of underfoot", causes disorientation, tramples self-esteem, personality devalues all its external achievements and internal qualities.

People who share their experiences describe their inner state as a feeling of collapse, hopelessness and complete helplessness. Even if outwardly they try to demonstrate some bravado, inside it sounds mercilessly "it's all over" and "I'll never be able to …"

It is well shown in the film "Only old men go to battle." Is he a coward? No. He wants to be, and others see him, the Winner in life. But is he really a loser, a loser? It's hard to say for sure. It is obvious only that he was very afraid of failure, afraid not to win, afraid that "cowardice" or "cowardice" would not appear. The thought is so hard and impossible for him that he can feel fear, maybe not always strong, that he decides to take a cardinal step - a ram with the enemy. Apparently, it is preferable for a pilot to die as a hero than to accept different sides and feelings in himself.

Downed Pilot Syndrome is an internal experience of a fiasco in a sphere that is significant for an individual, accompanied by depressive behavior, loss of energy, self-confidence, often unsubstantiated subjective fear of further defeat and lack of real action in solving the problem and overcoming the crisis.

What psychological reasons and personality characteristics affect the manifestation of this complex and how can one get out of such a difficult exhausting state?

1. Furious inner critic … “How could you?!?!”, “Loser!”, “It's all because of you!”, “Only you could do this…”. This critic sits firmly in the Parental ego state. The Inner Parent, not only will not support you in a difficult situation, but, on the contrary, will devalue, neutralize and ridicule everything. He is the personification, copy and semblance of patterns of behavior of real parents and significant adults for the error or failure that certainly happened in childhood.
2. "Execute, no pardon" and no room for error … Not only that, the ruthless critic, like an executioner, scolds him mercilessly. The "evil sorcerer", sitting even deeper in the subconscious, frantically scares that any mistake, blot, oversight or accident will lead to the apocalypse. Making mistakes is part of the experience. For children, in order to adequately cope with the mistake, support is important. There are no mistakes - there is no experience of living them and, accordingly, there is no experience of getting up and moving on.
3. Such an inferiority complex compensates, or rather masks strange feeling of perfection, features (only I could forget the phone, only I could be so mistaken, only I could be fired like this, only such injustice could happen to me, etc.), often expressed in an inadequate desire to approach the ideal.
4. And perfectionism, as a reaction and a way to deal with the ubiquitous anxiety and self-doubt, vaccinated and developed thanks to the driver "Be perfect" - the parental program, what one must be so that a "catastrophe" does not happen. Hence the overestimated requirements / expectations for oneself, on the one hand, and on the other, the habit of devaluing oneself and all achievements if "the picture is not perfect." If you do, do it 100%. If it is 99, it is not good, it is all the same stratified.
5. "Head in the Clouds" - a life in illusions. Acceptance of reality as it is is so scary that anesthetic psychological defenses are turned on: denial, rationalization, withdrawal into fantasy. Anxiety, fear of the new, fear will not be able to cope with passivity and the demand for a "guarantee of permanence".
6. "Everything is over" - obsession and drama. “If I cannot fly, then I am no one, nothing good in my life will be, I can’t engage in other activities? / I don’t want? / I won’t.” The person lives in the past in infantile expectations that everything should be "as good as it once was." The desire for revenge and the expectation of magic does not allow taking an important step in the present.
7. Psychological impotence. Fixing on failure programs for future failure. The fear of repeating mistakes is fatal. It is easier not to fly / not to work / do nothing at all, so that there is no re-experiencing of defeat.
8. "Who am I?" and other identity issues … If “I am good, important”, only if “I am… a pilot / sportsman / businessman” is a problem. None of us are born a pilot, an accountant, a ballerina, etc. We choose our profession, our favorite activity. Sometimes there can be several of them, sometimes they can change throughout life, sometimes we combine activities and hobbies. It doesn't really matter what kind of profession I make a living. My profession, and even more so the position, can reveal some aspects of my personality, but does not fully reveal me.

Unfortunately, for those people who accept (and evaluate) themselves and others only conditionally (you are important, because, or for now, you are the boss; you are smart, because the director; you are cool, because your salary is … at. e.), the risk of losing "oneself", losing identity, is higher than for people who represent themselves and others much wider than their first education or profession.

You can still list the symptoms and manifestations for a long time. For some, they are more pronounced, for others less. But most cases and destinies are united by a negative personal position (I-, You-), hunger for recognition (that I am valuable, I am important, I generally have a place to be), a lack of positive stroking (good responses, confessions, words, views, actions, etc.).

Where does this “bouquet” come from? Originally from childhood. It is shaped by the environment and its impact on us. When we are small, we are forced to adapt, adapt, develop different mechanisms of behavior and response. After years, they can really interfere and spoil.

This means that the habitual thoughts and reactions formed in childhood are not really us. More precisely, we are absolutely definitely more than our habits. This means that the “bouquet” has long turned into a dried broom of unnecessary patterns of feelings and thoughts, and it is high time to renew it in our minds).

From understanding the problem to solving it. Several steps, recommendations and permissions

1. The ability to lose, accept defeat, failure and forgive oneself for mistakes is just as important as belief in oneself, striving for the top and the experience of winning. It's like two sides of a coin. Without one, there is no other. It is important to understand and accept this philosophical concept.
2. It is important to learn how to provide yourself with support. When it doesn't work out, the whole world “doesn't understand”, or it seems that “against you” it is important to believe in yourself, to support. How? Saying to yourself “I will succeed”, “I believe in myself”, “I am a fine fellow that I try”, “I love you (myself)”, “I have me, we can handle it”.
3. When it is difficult, incomprehensible, scary, something does not work out, it is important to ask for help. Asking for help is already an active position, it will not make it weaker, on the contrary, perhaps the issue or situation can be resolved or lived more effectively.
4. Allow yourself to feel, be angry, sad, afraid. Loss of dreams, idealization, work, loss of the illusion of constancy, the illusion that everything is under control - this is a loss that is important to burn off. Sometimes getting up and trying is painful and scary. It is important to accept and allow yourself these feelings. It's okay to empathize with yourself. There is a lot of energy in the living of feelings, which is, oh, how necessary in difficult life moments.
5. Thoughts are material. Even if you haven't won yet, lead and feel like a winner. If earlier we were set up for failure (and fear of failure is just the strongest setting), then we can program ourselves for success. And do it now!)

6. Find your incentive, your motivation and do what you like. You can't just do it yet. Try new things.

   Make it a joy. The often met insidious fear "what others will think", "and if others find out that I could not, it did not work out, etc." - slows down and fetters. In this case, it is very correct to "give a damn" what others think. And I must say that we greatly overestimate the fantasy that others constantly think about us, condemn and laugh. "Those who are worse than us, those who are better than us, condemn us - they have no time for us." And the majority are busy with their personal affairs and worries.

7. Positive interpretation. Sometimes we wait for years for a "sign" to start something or finish something. Maybe failure, injustice and some kind of annoying situation are this sign? There is simply no lifetime warranty for anything. Life is definitely beautiful. And we are definitely beautiful. We can do, express ourselves, create, work, create what we want, which resonates in our souls. Maybe in order to find yourself and start your own business, it was worth going through the troubles and layoffs at the previous job?
8. Conclusions from errors. All successful people drew conclusions. This means that there were mistakes. Before you could make a light bulb burn, you had to find out 99 ways in which a light bulb does not light up. Analyze. And finally turn it on. The great American inventor and entrepreneur Thomas Edison in one of his interviews: “I have not had any failures. Every failed attempt is another step forward."
9. If you tend to criticize others and yourself, think that instead of support and sympathy, it is more effective to give a "magic pendel" - most likely your inner critic is just waiting for the moment to bite. And this is painful and unhelpful.

If you have always been scolded and severely punished for any mistake, if fear blocks thoughts and actions and it seems that nothing will ever be fixed, it seems like it's time to start allowing yourself to be wrong.

Protecting yourself from unfriendly thoughts, getting support, accepting yourself and allowing yourself to be, live and act - these are goals and objectives that are solved in the process of psychotherapy.

Personal therapy is a good form, method and opportunity to find morally outdated, “broken”, non-working or openly destructive mechanisms (feelings, thoughts, behavior); to understand the causes of the "breakdown", to find out what and how is right and good for you personally. Allowing this for yourself, which means re-solving (replacing old patterns with new ones), recovering, become a reliable pilot for yourself and live happily ever after.