What Is Courage And How To Achieve It

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Among all the peoples of our planet, it is believed that a man becomes courageous not by the fact of being born with the biological characteristics of a man - this is not enough. Courage is a special form of strength that must be achieved through overcoming, becoming, and maturity

However, today, many who study the issue of courage observe its crisis in modern society, if not a decline, then a very painful transformation. In this video we will talk about the reasons for the decay of masculinity, and also try to form a roadmap for those who wish to overcome the unique obstacles of our time and achieve courage, or, as the Iowa Indians call it, the "Great Impossible."

In the mid-twentieth century, the Swiss psychologist Maria-Louise von Franz drew attention to an alarming trend: many adult men, despite their biological maturity, were psychologically stuck at the adolescent level. They occupied the bodies of adults, but their mental development was hopelessly lagging behind. Von Franz called this the problem of the "eternal boy" (Puer aeternus) and suggested that in the near future there will be many more such people.

Unfortunately, her predictions came true: today most men suffer from the inability to find their place in life. Until the age of thirty, many of us live with our mother, choosing life in a soft and cozy corner of an understandable and safe world, instead of going to meet the unknown, conquering new heights and satisfying our own ambitions. Instead of creating something of their own, many prefer the virtual world of Internet pornography and computer games. Many passively and aimlessly, without even trying to tread their own path, wander among the things that, against their will, come into their lives.

In order to understand why this is happening, we need to dive into history.

We are very smart, so smart that we are born almost prematurely, mothers are forced to give birth to us very early, otherwise our big heads would simply not have passed through the birth canal. Because of this, unlike other animals, the first years of life pass in absolute dependence on the mother. In this sense, we are unique, but along with the big head come special problems.

In his book "Father" Luigi Zoya says that during evolution, due to biological characteristics, mothers and fathers interacted with the child in fundamentally different ways. From the very birth, the woman pays much more attention to the boy, it is she who shows care, initiates physical contact, feeds, monitors emotional well-being and cares for the future man. This intimate, close connection is imprinted in the boy's mind - the mother becomes for him not only a source of nutrition, but also the one that solves all his problems. On the other hand, the role of the father, who is at a great distance from birth, has always been to provide the child with resources, protection, but more importantly, direction. To be more precise, the role of a man is to help the boy free himself from dependence on his mother and gain independence.

Of course, girls also go through the stage of becoming independent. But in girls, interaction with the mother becomes a factor in the development, and not inhibition of the personality. She adopts the lines of behavior, and she herself begins to imitate her mother. Her penchant for femininity is enhanced by her mother's influence. She grows up organically. The boy, on the other hand, requires a different approach. He cannot be satisfied with the mother's example indefinitely: he needs a male figure to follow.

In most cultures around the world, the transition from boyhood to courage was accomplished during initiation by the oldest male cultural bearers of masculinity. Women were not allowed to observe or participate in these initiation ceremonies. In his book, Rites and Symbols of Initiation, Mircea Eliade describes it this way: in the middle of the night, elders disguised as Gods or Demons kidnap a boy. Next time he will see his mother only in a few months. It is placed in a dark, deep cave, buried under the ground, or placed in some other place that symbolizes darkness. This stage symbolizes the death of the mother's paradise and the joys of an irresponsible life. The boy must get out of the cave or dig himself out of the ground, which symbolizes the passage through an impromptu birth canal - rebirth.

Having been born again, a young man does not fall into the soft hands of a caring mother, but into the harsh world of a renewed being and undergoes a series of difficult trials in the circle of men. There is no mother to complain to or a safe house to hide in.

After the death of childhood and rebirth into the harsh world of men, the third stage begins. The elders explain to the boy the laws of the world, talk about what it means to be a man, and then send him into the forest so that he, fighting for his survival, will acquire a new status - a man. Returning back after several months of the hardest ordeal, he discovers that he no longer needs a mother's affection and her eternally nursing breast.

Such rites of initiation are characteristic of all peoples, without exception, who have survived to our times. This is a necessary measure. In other words, people of the past did not resort to such harsh methods for fun. They understood that it is possible to overcome infantilism and give birth to a person who is ready to fight for the interests of his own people, only through significant losses and trials.

On the example of a rare contemporary cinema, we see how such a transformation inspires. In The Sword of King Arthur, Guy Ritchie tells the story of an immature boy who is unable to control his childhood instincts. He is afraid of responsibility, he does not know worries and is not able to take on the heavy burden of his destined share. Therefore, the spiritual teachers send him to the most terrible place, to the island, where, after experiencing torment, pain, fear and despair, he will prepare himself to conquer the most terrible enemy - himself later.

Today's world, according to Eliade, suffers from the absence of at least some significant rituals of initiation. Modern boys do not have those same cultural bearers of masculinity, the oldest, ready to pass on wisdom to future generations. And so the whole weight of this burden falls on the fathers. It is the fathers who today must snatch the child from under the mother's skirt. But, of course, not every modern father is capable of this. For this, he himself must be independent - for a teenager to want to go out into the world, dad must show the boy by his own example that there are things in this world worthy of searching and fighting, for the sake of which it is worth leaving a heated place. Unfortunately, such contact is extremely rare.

In his book Finding Our Fathers, Samuel Osherson cites a study that in the Western world, only 17% of men report a positive relationship with their father in their youth. In most cases, the father is physically or emotionally absent from the child's life. And if these incredible statistics are even half true, then we are living in an era of dying masculinity. Young men are expected to leave their mother's womb, to give up a warm and protected life for risk and danger. And all this without the tips and help of wise men or a father.

Of course, few boys can show such will. As a result, the mother takes on the role of father. She has to be torn between two roles. Her gentleness and love are accompanied by toughness and authoritarianism. She simultaneously protects her son and tries to push him out of the nest, which causes her immeasurable suffering. Of course, despite her efforts, the mother most often shows excessive custody, creating a dependent, weak and lack of initiative man. For example, in her book "The Hero", Meg Meeker cites a study according to which, due to an excessive desire to protect, mothers are much worse at teaching their children to swim than fathers, she cannot do otherwise: she takes care of her child. Women are guided by the safety of their son, men by his independence.

A fatherless teenager who lives under the dominant influence of a patronizing mother grows up into an eternal boy, with an overwhelmed desire for fame, strength and courage. He is afraid of a cold and rough world, which refuses to understand him and remains forever dependent on the support and approval of women. His aspirations are not aimed at reaching heights, but at the fact that his beloved friend will give him a smile or a body. Or as Jung writes (Aeon. Studies on the symbolism of the self): “In reality, he strives for the protective, nourishing, enchanted circle of the mother, for the state of an infant, freed from all worries, in which the outside world carefully bends over him and even forces him to experience happiness. No wonder the real world disappears from sight!"

Of course, family influence and lack of rituals of initiation are not the whole story. A young man also attends school, where he meets children raised according to the same model, in this school he is taught to obey women from the state apparatus, and growing up, he goes to the university, where this line of behavior is already finally consolidated. Where else can a guy turn for a good example?

As a result, young people drown in lethargy, avoid difficulties and immerse themselves in a world where everything is under control, where it is under the protection of the Mother first, then the teacher and, finally, the state.

However, as André Gide said, "Man cannot discover new oceans unless he has the courage to lose sight of the shore." Therefore, now we will talk about how to find this courage.

However, let's first look at the psychology of the eternal boy. First of all, he lacks determination. Often he spends his life drowning in fantasies, going through hundreds and thousands of options for potential success. Von Franz calls this "eternal switching." He starts one thing, then switches to another, then to another, and so on. Sometimes all things end in his head without even starting. He plans something all the time, but never fully proceeds to fulfill his plans. In other words, the eternal boy is not connected and does not seek to associate his existence with one thing. The prospect of a choice that cannot be reversed scares him, he likes to maintain the status quo until the right decision comes from somewhere in the outside world. He justifies his inaction by the fact that the time has not yet come to do something, and forgets that only he determines when it will come.

However, not being able to choose your path is only a symptom. The main problem is that the eternal boy does not consider the outside world worthy of his attention. He subconsciously compares all perspectives with the paradise cocoon of maternal care, and, of course, nothing can compare with this wonderful world. Comparing the rough reality with the ideal world of a child's carefree life, he begins to look for excuses why this or that case is not worthy of his attention. And, of course, he finds them very quickly. However, one day he will still face a choice, and he will either fall into the abyss of weakness, or begin his path to courage, and a higher form of being. This path is difficult and thorny, especially for the one who walks it alone, on it the boy will have to discard his childhood illusions, accept reality as it is and understand that even in its darkest corners, there is gold waiting for the one who will find him. It is up to the boy to organize and carry out the initiation into courage himself. In other words, he must outgrow the child and become a hero. Unlike a teenager, the hero courageously rushes into the unknown, welcomes difficulties and considers fear a harbinger of his own greatness.

According to Jung, the hero's journey begins with work. Without conscious, disciplined and systematic work, huge amounts of adolescent energy do not go into a productive channel, but are locked in an immature mind. A young man collides with himself, and all this energy does not find a way out, but only intensifies internal conflicts. He argues with himself and with the world, at times pouring out aggression on those who least deserve it. Labor, on the other hand, becomes a form in which the adolescent's natural aggression acquires its meaning.

Work is a kind of anchor that can be dropped in the outside world to weather the inner storm. Anyone who goes in for sports knows what peace of mind, what emotional calm accompanies us after training. Work does the same, but its impact is much deeper and more systematic. If the effect of training wears off after a few hours, then the work penetrates into the most distant nooks of the soul, and settles in them for a long time.

In the beginning, it doesn't really matter what kind of work you do. The point is to finally do something heavy, carefully and deliberately. Or, as Anton Chekhov said, “You need to put your life in such conditions that work is necessary. There can be no pure and joyful life without labor."

The first thing to worry about is the availability of labor, not whether you like what you are doing or not. Labor should be seen as a necessity, as a kind of modern, sparing and extended in time initiation. It is worth treating him with respect, even if you work at McDonald's. Treat work as a transformational force with respect worthy of a higher cause. This is the main factor. Think of it as conditioning, preparation, dedication, life in the forest. It is unpleasant, but necessary. The one who looks with displeasure and contempt at the work he has to do, instead of proudly accepting it as a challenge and making it perfect, indulges his childhood principle. He looks like a schoolboy who doesn't like school and doesn't even know what awaits him next. Take advantage of this to become stronger, to cultivate insensitivity, and when the time comes to move on, walk away silently.

Labor is the first stone laid in the foundation of what, across all cultures, has been understood as courage. First, independence. Becoming a hero always begins with personal autonomy. It is necessary to minimize dependence on other men, but more importantly, on women. According to research by Clifford Geertz, among Moroccan men, the greatest fear is to become dependent on a strong woman. David Gilmour in his book "Creating Courage" tells about the Samburu tribe, in which every boy, reaching a certain age, visits his mother's house for the last time and takes a solemn oath that he will no longer eat the food obtained by a woman, he will not drink milk from the village. that he no longer needs maternal support, and that from now on the women around him will receive, not give. " This is observed in all cultures: a man is not considered a man if he consumes more than he produces. Among the people of Mehinaku, a man is expected to wake up earlier than others, while the others are still asleep, he is already working when the consumers of his labor are just having breakfast. Among these Indians, laziness is considered tantamount to impotence, since they are equally sterile.

The fruits of courageous labor are not for the satisfaction of selfish needs. In almost all cultures, courage goes hand in hand with help and support. Men give so much that it might seem like they are self-sacrificing. Gilmore writes: “Time and time again we see that 'real men' are those who give more than they take away.

This is possible due to the fact that a man is driven by the development of strength, he is eager to show his will, and not to furnish himself with the attributes of a supposedly present will. He values the process, not the result. He conquers the world around him not in order to own it, but to transform it and pass it on to others in an improved form.

Despite the fact that the boy runs away from commitment, from commitment and dedication to one thing, this is exactly what he needs. He knows that the achievement of courage, regardless of the chosen path, is a matter of storm, trial and struggle, his next step is to set foot on this path. This path goes along a very steep path, along which every man stumbles and falls down. The fall, however, should never be a decisive point for a man, but a sign and a call to collect all anger, aggression and direct his will to reach the top. He should completely surrender himself to the cause, learn independence, generosity and magnanimity in order to obtain the freedom that he so desperately desires.