2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The concept of "self-esteem" is deeply rooted in modern society. Logically, self-esteem is your own assessment of yourself. And here it is important to understand the word "own".
The child is Tabula rasa, who came to this world clean and open. Not having, yet, any experience, knowledge and ideas about himself, he finds himself in his first socium-family. A family for a child becomes a small universe with its own system of values, rules and traditions, with its own "good and bad".
At the initial stage of formation, the child is a kind of pure self. Free from prejudices and rules, not yet "overgrown" with any ideas or knowledge about himself. Gradually, surrounded by loved ones, with the help and through them, the child begins to learn how this world works and how he reacts to it. It is important to understand that the world for a baby is mom and dad, and his reaction is the response of his parents. Starting with the words that parents say to the child, ending with HOW and WHAT they do at the same time. Thus, the system of perception of the external world and oneself is formed in the family.
Of course, the child's personal qualities also play a certain role, however, to the greatest extent, our attitude towards ourselves is formed due to our personal experience and our relationships with others. Due to age restrictions, the child is not yet able to evaluate, or somehow critically address the situation. Therefore, almost everything that adults say and what happens in the family is perceived as the only absolute reality. Figuratively speaking, there is a kind of "recording": who I am, what I am.
Returning to the concept of self-assessment, I would say that there is no SELF-assessment. There is something that we once heard, believed and accepted: I am what I was told about me. Starting to unwind the tangle of our ideas about ourselves and about our difficulties in the present, we often return to the past, where we encounter those knots that we did not manage to untie.
This, of course, is not about the natural adolescent development of the personality, when a child, faced with the first difficulties in society, learns to defend his I, acquires its own boundaries, gains experience of independence and responsibility. Speaking about low self-esteem, I am talking about that pure I, which, for various reasons, was lost. Lost its self-worth simply by the fact of its birth. I am and I am value.
It would be wrong to say that there is some kind of ideal childhood with ideal parents. However, for some, difficulties in childhood turned into distant memories, and for someone - into that part of the childhood experience with which one does not want to meet, but the consequences of which can still distort and poison the self-feeling and self-perception of oneself. …
Bessel van der Kolk, one of the world's most renowned trauma specialists, says that trauma is not just an event that happened at some point in the past, but also an imprint left by these experiences on the mind, brain and entire body. This trail permanently changes a person's ability to survive in the present.
The good news is that a person is not only his past. The ability to question your usual self-image and perception of the world can take a person to another level. When the understanding comes that you are much larger and stronger than your past experience. Even if you don't know about it yet.
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