"I'm Afraid Of Men." Working With A Drawing

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Many girls refuse to communicate with a man because they are afraid. And this fear comes from childhood. When the closest man - dad was dangerous. Used psychological or physical violence against the girl or in her presence. And my mother was unable to protect her daughter.

When a child does not feel the love and care of his parents, it is very difficult for him. As if he is alone in the whole world. It is even worse when, instead of love, the child meets parental aggression and rejection. The feeling of loneliness that he experiences continues into adulthood. The body grows and becomes an adult, but the traumatized child still controls the reactions of this body. The girl seeks to get closer to other people, at the same time she is afraid of this, because she has no experience of close relationships. If fear is stronger than desire for intimacy, the girl chooses loneliness, it seems safer to her.

Practical example … Permission to publish from the client has been obtained, the name has been changed. In today's meeting, we are working with a drawing. Ira is thirty years old. In her life there is no relationship with a man, she does not even "think" about it. Ira is afraid of marital relations, because, based on the example of her parents, she firmly knows that "there is nothing to do there." Mom was always unhappy with dad, either crying or cursing, provoking her husband into a scandal. Dad, more often than not, was aggressive, drunk, letting go of his hands. When there is such a pattern of relationships, it is difficult dream about married life, because it is associated with conflict, fear, disappointment, anger. - I feel sad and lonely. Mostly I spend time at home, alone, I don't want to go anywhere. On the other hand, I understand that this is wrong, the best years of my life are passing. Familiar girls got married. I would like to determine my desires and feelings. Letting go of loneliness.

What does loneliness look like?

- This is an island in the ocean, full of sadness.

Draw your island

- Anger.

What does anger look like?

- Volcano. He is far from the island.

- Joy is the sea.

- Another emotion is fear. They are snakes. They are underground.

- Everything disappears. And I am left alone. Gone is my illusion that I live on an island. And I do not feel support under my feet.

- Add land.

- I'm on the ground.

How old do you feel?

- Five.

What do you want now?

- I want fruit. There are no such in nature - juicy, yellow inside.

Every time Ira draws a new wish for a little girl, I ask her: "What do you want?" - I want a mother who will be caring.

How does a caring mother behave?

- She hugs me, says: "I am with you, you are not alone." I would like to add color to my mother's face so that it becomes alive.

- I want rides, merry-go-round, to horses in a circle.

- I want kids, it's more fun with them.

- (Uncertainly). I want dad to appear.

- What changes when dad appears?

- Dad was always dissatisfied, but this one is cheerful, happy with life, the weekend, the fact that there is an opportunity to spend time with his family. This is what I dreamed about, but it never happened in my life.

What desires do you have now?

- Now no. I got everything I wanted.

Dad's face is hard to see, what can this mean?

- It's hard for me to imagine the "new" dad, the kind expression on his face. Somehow I don't really believe that dad can be like that.

Will you leave your image unchanged?

- Yes, I remain fragile, with a gray face, because I doubt that the perfect picture I drew will last. As if at any moment something could happen, the conflict between the parents would start again. However, even this small experience of staying with caring parents means a lot to me. For the first time I not only imagined, but even drew something that I was afraid to even dream of. As if my fear of the future had diminished. For the first time, the girl included a man - dad in the picture of a happy life. His face is not drawn, because it is difficult for Ira to imagine the “new” dad. The dad she knew seemed so dangerous that it was easier for a girl to imagine herself on a desert island than with a man. On the island, everything depends only on her, and volcano - anger and snakes - fear somewhere far away. Living in isolation from people, Ira has turned her life into a kind of uninhabited island. After the girl allowed herself to “express all her feelings,” the illusion about the island disintegrated. Ira found herself in the condition of a traumatized five-year-old child. Little Ira's recovery process began with an acquaintance with her desires. Each new "want" for a little girl was realized by an adult Ira - adding this desire to the drawing. The girl finally got her dream come true - spending the day off with her parents - friendly and happy with their relationship. And although Ira did not change the color of the baby's complexion, leaving gray - the color of doubt, the first step has already been taken. A new puzzle has already appeared in Ira's picture of the world - a symbol of a happy family life. And the idea of a family Little has changed. How many of these steps still have a girl to take on the way to a new life? This is unknown. But, with each new step, her self-confidence and belief that family happiness is possible grows.