2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Parting with a loved one is a difficult period. It's not always easy to accept that the relationship is over, let go of your loved one, and accept the changes in your life that come with it. Different people experience parting in different ways: from mild sadness to heartache and despair, from disappointment to anger and excruciating resentment, from longing to loneliness and devastation.
The intensity of emotions depends on many factors, from personality traits to a person's worldview. Experiences weaken when a person begins to rethink what is happening and his assessments of it. In the course of this, his ideas about himself, about people, relationships, about the world change.
What delays the process of experiencing and interferes with rethinking?
- maladaptive beliefs and unrealistic ideas about oneself, about people, about relationships, about life;
- searching for mistakes and guilty ones, getting stuck in grievances. Bidding “if I did it differently, he would have stayed …”;
- control over the life of a partner: close attention to information about him, access to his pages in social. networks. Such behavior only reinforces the connection: the actual need (for intimacy, love) is satisfaction through a relationship exclusively with this partner. Switching attention helps to weaken this connection and see different options and possibilities for satisfying the need.
What beliefs and attitudes lead to emotional problems?
“Our union must be eternal. Your partner will always be there for you, no matter what”.
Remember the promise in the registry office: “I am taking you as a wife / husband; and I promise before God and all those present here to be your beloved wife / husband; in wealth and poverty, in joy and sorrow, in sickness and health until death do us part."
Of course, we prefer it to be so. It is good if, through the hardships of life, the partners managed to maintain relations. But reality may be different, life is unpredictable, and it happens in different ways. In another way, it does not mean wrong. Everyone has his own path.
"I can't be alone / alone."
Is it so? What facts confirm this? And what speaks against this? What's the worst thing about being alone? Can you survive it?
"Nobody needs me and therefore won't create any more relationships."
Try to find arguments that support and refute this belief. Remember when and how it appeared. Who told you that?
“Since he / she left / left, then I am not good enough / good enough, beautiful / handsome, smart / smart, attractive / attractive” …
A few tips on how to get over a breakup
- Give yourself time to relive, to rethink what is happening. The experience of separation goes through the same stages as the experience of any meaningful loss. Before accepting reality as it is, a person encounters a denial of these events within himself, a sense of guilt, aggression, depression. These processes can occur more than once.
- Learn to treat yourself warmly, with understanding and acceptance.
- Put your focus on your life. Listen to their needs … Set goals and objectives, both long-term and everyday.
- Find time for your interests, hobbies, activities that bring pleasure, inspiration, a sense of calmness, stability, security.
- Enlist the support of family, friends, and a therapist.
- Be open to everything new: experiences, acquaintances, activities.
- Recognize the other person's right to make their own choices in their lives.
Certain actions (rituals) help to feel completeness of relationship … There are many such techniques. For instance, expressive writingaddressed to the partner. Such a letter does not need to be sent. It is enough to fully, uncensored, express your feelings, and then tear or burn the letter.
If you cannot cope with your feelings on your own, seek help from a psychologist.
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