Development Through Fear Or Interest?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

(At the end of the anecdote!)

From childhood, we are taught to develop through fear. Our attention is focused on mistakes, at school they emphasized with red paste what we did wrong, what needs to be redone. It turned out that if the work was not an A-plus, when there was nothing to complain about at all, then our attention was necessarily drawn to the error. They emphasized not done well, but done badly. And it is not surprising that already in adulthood we treat ourselves the same way. If not everything is perfect (and when does it happen?), Then we are loaded about our mistakes. We are experiencing them in full. And from the part of work, life, where we have successes, we move away, like what is there to disassemble, well, it worked out and it worked out, but we learn from mistakes!

As a result, we deny ourselves the experience of success, pride, joy for what happened. We often and heavily wait for criticism and, most importantly, we criticize ourselves. We go with the question: what did I do wrong? This is development through fear.

In gestalt, when we analyze each other's therapeutic work, we focus on what turned out well and adhere to the principle that the best work happened that could happen in this period of time, simply because it happened, and everything else is fantasies about the future or the past.

My depreciating part has long resisted this principle. I devalued this too))

And then they took apart my work. Highlighted strong points, discussed alternative moves. Finished analysis. I sit and feel a kind of distrust of everything. I ask a question. Isn't it harmful to focus on strengths all the time, won't this lead to self-confidence and a stop in development, to the moment where you want to say to yourself: I am cool anyway, there is nothing to improve further? I really had that fear. It turned out that development is unlikely to be overtaken, since development is nothing more than a desire to learn new things. Quite a natural need that will make itself felt if you are in touch with yourself. At the same time, development will take place in a fundamentally different way, more pleasant, through interest. And after all, this is a fundamentally different perception of the world.

In the first case, we live in fear, self-blame and do something focusing on mistakes, on our imperfection.

Yes, success comes in this case, but what is their taste ?! None, we do not notice it, because we focus on mistakes, moving away from the experience of success, of our own strength.

And in the second case, development goes through interest and attitude, something like: yes, I can already do this, I am good at this, but I am interested in something new, I want to learn.

These are two different people … two completely different attitudes towards oneself.

After discussing this issue, a very touching feeling was born in me. I was surprised and delighted to think: what happiness it is that you can be with yourself like this … so carefully, through attention, first of all, to your strength it becomes even more stable.

I am still getting used to the idea that you can not p *** yourself morally and get what you want. And anecdote about it

Announcements were posted in the city that a circus with flying crocodiles would come. Everyone was surprised and waited for the performance. And here is the performance. Little crocodiles are brought into the arena and they really somehow fly under the dome. One of the crocodiles lands on the shoulder of a visitor, who says to him with admiration:

- Crocodile you are so cool, you fly! Wow! How do you do it?

To which the crocodile sighs and whispers to the visitor in his ear:

- Oh, you have no idea how f ** k we are here …