4 Components Of Psychological Compatibility In A Relationship (what You Need To Consider When Choosing A Life Partner)

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

What is psychological compatibility? Psychological compatibility Is the ability to establish, maintain and maintain normal personal and business relationships for a long time, which would satisfy the basic needs of both partners, while their communication and interaction would be accompanied by positive emotions.

Psychological compatibility is the foundation of a relationship. If it is flimsy, if it has unrecoverable distortions, then instead of a beautiful, durable house of our dreams, we risk getting a warped hut, despite all our mutual love and all our efforts to build something worthwhile.

What is a psychologically compatible partner? This is not just an attractive subject for whom we have certain feelings. If we want to build a long-term and harmonious relationship, such a partner must suit us according to his individual psychological qualities (temperament, character, cultural level, values), and we, accordingly, must suit him (her).

When a conflict or tension arises in a relationship, when trying to disassemble or analyze it, we almost always run into a discrepancy, "inconsistency" between the needs, interests, values of partners - that is, we run into the question of psychological compatibility-incompatibility. The more such inconsistencies, the higher the likelihood of conflicts, and the more efforts we need to make to resolve them safely. How not to recall the well-known formula for good relationships:

« Good relationships are relationships that give us the energy to live, work, and be creative. Bad relationships are relationships that take this energy. "

Psychological incompatibility can take away this energy, forcing the spouses to somehow resolve every time the antagonisms and contradictions that arise in their interaction. While in compatible spouses, most of these antagonisms and contradictions simply do not arise.

The phenomenon of psychological compatibility itself is rather complicated for analysis, but we will try to figure it out. So, in compatibility, four components can be distinguished:

1. Sexual compatibility. The first component of compatibility is sexual compatibility. It is a very important condition for the quality satisfaction of one of the strongest human needs - sexual needs. Do you know a family or relationship where everything would be good, and there were problems with sex? I do not know either. As a rule, problems in the sexual sphere inevitably lead to problems in all other areas of family relations.

When they say that partners are sexually compatible, they mean at least two important points. First, the strength of the sexual urge (which is called sexual temperament or the strength of Libido) in partners should be approximately equal, otherwise problems cannot be avoided. The problem of differences in the strength of sexual desire is reflected in a large number of jokes and anecdotes. I can’t resist as an example, I’ll tell one of my favorites on this topic.

The second condition for sexual compatibility is the idea of the desired and acceptable ways of satisfying sexual needs, mutually acceptable by both partners (spouses). There are people with rather peculiar requests as to what kind of sexual contact they would like. We can talk about sexual compatibility if the partner wants about the same. A classic example is couples in whom sex is associated with dominance-submission, or with certain role-playing games. Another example is sexual relations in orthodox religious families, where any departure from what is prescribed by the canon is absolutely unacceptable for a partner.

2. Compatibility of temperaments. Do you think it is better when the spouses are partners of the same temperament, or is it better when they differ in temperament? Through repeated research, it has been found that the most stable couples and the strongest families are unions, in which partners' temperaments differ as much as possible! These are pairs "sanguine - melancholic" and pairs "choleric-phlegmatic"

In the pair "sanguine-melancholic", a cheerful, active, self-confident sanguine person encourages and smoothes the pessimistic moods of the melancholic, who, in turn, allows a somewhat superficial sanguine person to look at himself and at life deeper.

In a pair of "choleric-phlegmatic", only a phlegmatic person can almost completely calmly, without offense and irritation, become a witness to the violent expression of the choleric's emotions, being necessary for him a stronghold of stability in his own chaos. The choleric person himself, to a certain extent, emotionally “shakes up” the phlegmatic person, not allowing him to become insensitive, inert and passive.

But couples with the same temperament, as studies show, are not very well compatible. "Choleric-choleric" is an atomic war!; "Sanguine-sanguine" is constant competition; "Phlegmatic-phlegmatic" is alienation and emotional coldness; melancholic-melancholic - this is the danger of prolonged joint depression.

3. Role compatibility. This type of compatibility is associated with the idea of / u200b / u200bthe roles and responsibilities of men and women in the family and in relationships. This system of ideas is called the role model of the family and affects various aspects of family relationships. Who is in charge of the family, who earns money, who manages the family budget, who commands and makes decisions? Who should wash the dishes, take out the trash, prepare breakfast in the morning, wash, clean, etc.?

The role model of the family is formed under the influence of such factors as education, upbringing, religion or religion, relations in the parental family. When these expectations and beliefs of spouses diverge too much, this is a serious problem. A woman is interested in a career, and a man expects to see her as a housewife. A woman expects from a man that he will be a breadwinner, and he believes that the material well-being of a family is a joint concern and responsibility. A woman expects equality of rights and obligations, and a man believes that he should be in charge, and his companion should obey him in everything.

The problem for many couples, especially newlyweds, is that they often do not find the time and desire to clarify all these expectations from each other. And then they are extremely unpleasantly surprised by the inconsistencies that have arisen in the most unexpected everyday and intimate matters. It must be said that the modern "trend" role model of the family is an egalitarian model, where there are no rigidly prescribed "male" and "female" roles, but there is a continuous partner dialogue to find compromises between the interests and needs of each other. Such a partnership dialogue requires both effort and a certain amount of mental courage from the spouses. This may be why for a qualitative clarification of the role expectations-representations of the spouses, as well as their coordination, there are special psychological technologies and techniques. I will try to introduce you to them as soon as possible.

4. Value compatibility. According to some researchers, value compatibility is the main component of psychological compatibility. It is believed that high value compatibility can partially or completely compensate for incompatibility in any other aspects, for example, sexual or temperamental. This component is sometimes pathetically called spiritual compatibility. What is its essence? Value compatibility is a certain commonality of interests and values of two people, this is their adherence to a certain common philosophy of life, this is a system of values, ideals, principles, beliefs accepted and shared by both partners. They say about these people that they are "on the way", that they live "soul-to-soul", they are seen as comrades-in-arms or like-minded people. Here are some examples of shared values and principles:

• Both spouses consider it fundamentally unacceptable to tell each other a lie about anything.
• Both spouses may have very similar professional interests or hobbies: music, sports, travel.
• For both of them, a happy family life can be extremely valuable, and this value determines the mutual uncompromising willingness to do everything to make her still happy!
• Material wealth and stability are mutually very valuable.
• The spouses themselves can be compatible in their dislike or even hatred for something or someone.

Whatever it was about the status of the "main component", high value compatibility is not a very frequent phenomenon in relationships and therefore is doubly valuable. It is very pleasant when your life partner is also your like-minded person who shares your views and interests.

As an afterword, I would like to quote the words of Mark Twain (or Bernard Shaw - I don't remember exactly). "One gets the impression that most people show much more prudence, common sense and judgment in choosing shoes than in choosing a life partner." Love, if it is mutual, certainly works wonders. Belief in oneself and the willingness to build good relationships at any cost is also surprising and respectful. But do not forget about psychological compatibility - as a necessary foundation for a long and harmonious relationship. Before making the decision to "tie fate", try to at least roughly assume how compatible you are with this person and what exactly this compatibility is manifested in. Is there sexual compatibility between you? Are your temperaments compatible? Do you expect the same from family relationships? How close and understandable are each other's interests and values. How similar are your philosophies in life? Even trying to answer these questions will greatly increase your chances of making the right decision.