The Pain Of The King

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

There is a caste of men who are too strong to be weak. They live in a world of the strong, they know those whose names cannot be named, they conclude deals that mere mortals never dreamed of, they look seven years older than their age. They are quite for justice - they like to put things in order and put the bad guys in their place. Every new person in their life is an attacker who must be defeated. Due to the need to win, such men have enormous social success. On the one hand, it's very good next to them. You don't have to worry about anything - everything will be provided. Probably, they say about such people "like behind a stone wall." Few people are in a hurry to go against them, because they contain such an inner strength that by one breath you can feel - you should not get involved. Such people always keep their word: the man said - the man did.

- Or am I not a man?

On the other hand, they can be difficult with them, because they rarely take into account the needs of other people. However, they cannot be blamed for lack of care. They really care, but only as they see fit. At this moment, a feeling of security or confidence in the future is replaced by a feeling of powerlessness from the inability to tell such a man about his desires. Any deviation from the plan invented by him is perceived as criticism or rejection. They also suffer from an obsessive desire to control everything, including the expressions on the faces of others.

- When you ate soup, you smiled, and dumplings - what? Not tasty? Why do you have such a sad face?

Somewhere in the depths of their souls, they are haunted by the fear of being incompetent. For example, if the food in the chosen restaurant is not tasty, it will be a personal defeat. Such a man, like Atlas, is responsible for the whole world on his broad shoulders.

By the way, they openly hate gays. Being gay for them is the strongest manifestation of male weakness. No, they don't run around the city and don't hit anyone. But if someone makes an obscene proposal to such a man, then he will have to face such an all-destroying rage that it will not seem like little.

At the same time, they can show their subtle mental organization where they can project their own experiences - in conversations about cinema, for example.

- You know, when I watched this film with my friends, I immediately told them how it would end. They were shocked: how did you guess ?! And I grew up like this - I know this whole story the hard way.

They cannot stand being alone. Anything but not being alone. Being alone with yourself is too dangerous. Solitude disposes to reflection, to meet with their experiences, desires and fears. It is much easier to be angry or laugh, but to be sad, afraid or in need of human warmth is the lot of weaklings.

- The next party is planned today. I don’t know what I’ll do there at all. But do not sit at home. Why be alone at all? It's boring. How do you handle it at all?

From time to time they wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat, "bang their whiskers" and go to bed further. Sometimes their back, neck and shoulders ache - they treat this psychosomatics with masseuses. Sometimes they break down on subordinates, wives or close relatives, get into a fight. Quite often this makes them feel better.

- Yes, everything is fine, with whom it does not happen, right? The main thing is that the bones are intact.

Their personality is fragmented. The denied parts of the personality are repressed and not realized. They grew up with the belief that love and respect can only be gained through superiority over others. They are forced to constantly take new heights - in order to convince themselves, first of all, that they have something to love for. They consider every deviation from their own plan to be their weakness, which is why it can be so difficult with them. They don't know that weakness is the flip side of strength. They don't know that the only way to deal with weakness is to look it in the eye, to face it - to acknowledge its existence. As well as admitting your childish need for someone stronger. To see their need for unconditional love, which they were deprived of from the fact that from an early age they became the pride of their parents. While any need is repressed outside, it cannot be controlled. She will remind of herself through uncontrollable bouts of aggression, panic attacks and insomnia.

- I am the master of my life, you know? My father taught me this way: you do everything to win. And if you do nothing, then you lose everything and these are your problems. See how simple it is? And all your psychology is for weaklings.

Such people rarely come to a psychologist, as they are afraid to admit their weakness to themselves, let alone to demonstrate it to someone else. They are afraid of losing control of their lives. They are afraid that if someone knows about them as much as they know about themselves, then that someone will be able to control them. They are afraid to find something in themselves that they are not ready to meet.

“You see, I don’t want anyone to know too much about me. I only show others what I want to show. Besides, I am used to solving all my problems myself.

I have respect, interest for such men, and at the same time, every time I feel a little sad. I look at them and see kings in chains. They have everything under control, they are strong, but not free. As a rule, they are quite interesting with them - they definitely have a depth that cannot be touched. Every time in a conversation with such a man, I notice how he tries to defeat me - an ordinary woman who accidentally turned out to be his fellow traveler on the road of life. It is not so important for him who I am and what I am - the main thing is that the last word always remains with him. Our dialogues are like a duel, in which he always wins, and I get tired pretty quickly. Sometimes I see reflections of that inviting depth in his eyes, like the glare of the sun on the surface of the ocean, and I think about how great it would be to meet him without armor and arrows, but this is impossible. Psychotherapy could make this strong king - a king strong and free. But he is unlikely to come. And most likely he will hate me for this article.