The King Is Played By The Retinue: Interaction With A Narcissistic Personality

Video: The King Is Played By The Retinue: Interaction With A Narcissistic Personality

Video: The King Is Played By The Retinue: Interaction With A Narcissistic Personality
Video: The 3 Signs of Narcissism in a Leader You Should Know 2024, March
The King Is Played By The Retinue: Interaction With A Narcissistic Personality
The King Is Played By The Retinue: Interaction With A Narcissistic Personality
Anonim

A person who is involved in relationships with other people with narcissistic personality traits (be it friendships, work relationships, or love relationships) sooner or later becomes confused and stumped due to the extremely difficult, unpleasant and servile position that the narcissistically organized person takes.

The behavior of people with narcissistic characteristics is contradictory, reactions and methods of interaction do not fit into any "canons" of relationships, just into the common sense of interpersonal contacts and violate any ethics of human relations.

If you do not resist the narcissistic takeover, you will be "eaten". The narcissistic personality lacks the ability to appreciate, and often even recognize the existence of other people, their feelings and desires, independent of it. If feeding the narcissist seems to feed him, know that this is an illusion. The narcissist is greedy and unbridled, he is always hungry, no matter how much you give him, next time he will need more and more. Narcissus is an insatiable "glutton", his appetite increases with eating.

If a person falls under the traumatic program of a narcissist, he turns into a gnawed skeleton; this person's life serves exclusively narcissistic hunger. If a person finds it difficult to break the connection with the narcissist or try to build a safe relationship with him, he should ask himself the questions: “What attracts me to him / her?” "Pumped?" In a relationship with a narcissistic person, you will not learn what it means to be loved and valuable to him - the way you are.

If you feel more fulfilling or more interesting as a "king's entourage", then the choice is yours. If there are no other options for you to realize yourself in this life, then, in the end, you can become a victim of a narcissistic myth, which will cause serious psychological harm and emotionally exhaust.

Being around a narcissist is unsafe, the fact is that weak interpersonal boundaries, envy and contempt, the desire to exploit others, protect the narcissist himself at the cost of worsening the psychological state of other people.

Narcissistic traits take root in people who come into contact with a narcissist and destroy the integrity of their personality. The narcissist cripples others, but also prevents the development of his true Self (Self is the core of the personality, which includes all its sides). The narcissist makes unhappy not only those who are near, he himself suffers, I will talk about these torments a little later.

Often these are people who can be called charismatic, they can be quite charming, interesting and charm for a certain time, but as relations with such personalities continue, a cold, calculating, shamelessly unceremonious person with completely unpredictable outbursts of rage appears before us (the affect of a narcissist) …

A narcissistic personality can inspire fear, "hypnotize", bewitch, but behind its bombast and charm there is a psychological defectiveness, correlated with the morality of a child who has just mastered walking. Narcissistic personalities are bright and attractive when they pull others into their whirlpool, intoxicating you, promising you a privileged position.

The reason for the attractiveness of the narcissist is that he creates his image as the average person would like to see himself: not knowing doubts, confident in himself, always at his best. The average person does not have such confidence, he is overcome by doubts, and being close to such an "ideal" as the narcissist provides a sense of his own worth.

But the time comes, and the dope leaves, instead of the "carriage" - "pumpkin". In retrospect, it’s obvious that there was no real reason to feel particularly good. You have been drugged, hypnotized and fooled, the result: rags, pumpkin, mice.

To begin to understand how to protect yourself from the narcissistic personalities you encounter in life, you need to know who you are dealing with. If you feel that you are drawn into a relationship with a narcissistic person, you need to imagine what his attractiveness is for you and see the reality behind his fantasy, find the determination to outline the boundaries, bring the clarity necessary to recognize your own boundaries and the boundaries of other people.

Let me give you a short example. Elena, who had a long-term relationship (14 years) with her husband, sought advice because she “could no longer stand” her narcissistic husband. Over the past 3 years, Elena tried to establish new relationships with men, but all the men "disappeared". Elena had her own narcissistic trauma, which her husband played on. Elena reinforced Self by connecting with someone for whom she could serve as a pumping source. She masterly mastered the art of flattery (which she showed towards everyone, including the consultant) and became devoted to her narcissistic spouse, but the time came (Elena's "fuel" ran out, besides, her husband was forced to retire, which, of course, lowered his status in the eyes of the spouse), when the adoration of the spouse has disappeared. Elena tried to establish relationships with other men, following the same path: flattery, admiration, adoration, which turned out to be not suitable for the type of men with whom Elena met.

Narcissists draw others into a powerfully charged energy field that is difficult to understand and almost impossible to resist once you get into it. This is especially easy for the narcissistically organized personality with those people who are narcissistically vulnerable, as in the case of Elena.

A bit from the history of the study of narcissism. More than a hundred (1914) years ago, Sigmund Freud called the infant's primordial “autoerotic” (narcissistic) state “primary narcissism”. This means that all the "libido" (vital energy) of the baby is focused on himself and his needs. In the first days of life, Freud believed, natural psychological protection (a kind of protective cocoon) protects the child's immature nervous system from overloading the flow of external sensations. Inside this protective cocoon, the infant is emotionally isolated.

Freud considered "primary narcissism" to be a normal developmental stage. The ability to invest libido in other people appears in the process of further development of the child.

Freud linked the mechanism of a number of mental disorders with "secondary narcissism." In secondary narcissism, the libido regresses, “moving away” from the outside world, and turns back on itself.

"Secondary narcissism" is expressed in pathological egocentrism, the inability to establish effective reciprocity, the inability to recognize other people as their right to independent desires and the right to have and realize their own goals.

In short, Freud postulated that a person can orient himself in two different directions: his interests, concerns, love (libido, in Freud's terminology) can be directed towards himself or the world around him (people, ideas, etc.).

Narcissistic personality - this is a person of any age who, at the same time, has not yet reached his emotional and moral development. The most important thing for a narcissist is his chosen lifestyle, and he does not consider it necessary to limit himself by contacting others (for example, checking a student's thesis, he can easily put his lunch on it, leaving greasy spots on the paper).

The narcissist lives in his own world, which is for him the center of the universe and which has little to do with reality. The narcissist believes that his self-image corresponds to reality, although, in fact, it is “virtual” in nature (for example, the statement of a narcissistic leader who exploits people, violates boundaries, shamelessly manipulates: “I love people”).

The surrounding people are not of particular interest to the narcissist, you can become interesting to such a person only if he can "fuck" something from you. Subsequently, if the narcissist's interests change, you turn into waste material, and he excludes you from his sphere of interest.

The narcissist is characterized, among other things, by paranoid moods, he exaggerates the meaning of the views, words of other people, or even attributes them to his own account, although what is happening is not directly related to him; is in a state of permanent expectation of a trick (“they are digging under me,” “they want to take my place,” “a coalition has been created against me,” etc.).

Narcissistically organized individuals are characterized by extreme irresponsibility and violation of obligations without any hint of guilt or a desire to justify themselves. The narcissist is concerned about one "global" problem - himself, all other people are a "support group", "power generators", "an entourage playing a king."

One of the characteristics of the "king" is narcissistic expansion, meaning that other people are not considered as separate, independently acting persons, but are an extension of the narcissist himself (with one more leg, arm, etc.). This means that the narcissist expects free and unrestricted access to another person and reacts viciously to various obstacles set by those who distinguish their boundaries.

The peculiarities of self-perception and ideas in narcissistically organized individuals are in emptiness, falsehood, envy, shame, or in polar experiences - self-sufficiency, vanity, arrogance. In the compensatory phase, narcissism forces a person to do things and show such attitudes and feelings that protect him from negative experiences.

Narcissus - deeply defective and lonely creature. In a study I conducted several years ago, it was found that narcissism and its severity correlate with a certain type of loneliness. Individuals with an average narcissism rate experience an alienated state of loneliness. This type of loneliness is characterized by a person's alienation from other people, which is accompanied by the impossibility of unconscious communication with other people and intimacy in relationships. Individuals with high levels of narcissism experience a dissociated state of loneliness. With this type of experience of loneliness, the degree of identification and isolation is maximally expressed, often to the same object.

The whole set of narcissistic pathology, if summed up, boils down to the following characteristic features.

The narcissist does not tolerate criticism and reacts to it with rage, shame, or humiliation. You can make a very minor comment, but this can cause the most violent storm of protest and rage.

Narcissists are prone to exploiting other people. The narcissistically organized person uses others to achieve his goals. In short, the other is a tool, a way, a tool, a service.

A tremendous sense of self-importance. Narcissists exaggerate their achievements, abilities, strengths. One of the main tendencies of the narcissist is to be noticed and "rewarded" for the qualities of a "special", "unique" person without compelling reasons. Narcissists have abundant fantasies of endless success, strength, talent, beauty, or perfect love. Their fantasy productivity is very active, as it allows them to fill the inner emptiness. The narcissist feels a sense of being chosen, expects a particularly favorable attitude towards himself.

The narcissist's basic need is constant attention and admiration.

The narcissistic personality lacks the ability to recognize and experience other people's feelings.

Narcissists are extremely envious. The successes and abilities of other people cause envy and an instant reaction to devalue their achievements. The intolerance of other people's success leads the narcissist to harm them, to the point of complete destruction.

Defiant, arrogant, shameless behavior. Narcissists can behave very shocking and provocatively, as if showing everyone: "Here, I can do that, so what!". Shame is intolerable for a narcissistic personality, and then shame goes "bypass", which looks like shamelessness or shamelessness, hiding behind a protective barrier of denial ("Shame will not become my flaw").

Weak boundaries. The narcissistically organized personality lacks the ability to recognize the existence of its own boundaries, as well as to perceive other people as individuals, and not as an extension of their own.

Poor contact with reality. Poor contact with reality is due to the fact that the only reality for the narcissist is themselves; in their perception, "reality" itself is at their service.

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