Housewife Syndrome

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

It so happened that again we are talking about housewives:), but now according to the letter: Natalya, good afternoon! stumbled upon your fascinating blog, can you comment on the issues of professional ethics in your specialty? Situation: The wife, secretly from her husband, visited a psychologist in order to deal with her children's complexes and improve her own self-esteem, during the year. As a result, trust first disappeared and even an irrational hatred arose for her husband, his hobbies, his opinion and for some reason his relatives with whom there is not even a common life. It all ended with the divorce and the flight of a proud, self-confident woman with two babies into poverty. The psychologist was a woman of about 60 years old, a candidate of sciences, publishes, teaches. What is the professional community's attitude to such situations?

Such situations occur in the practice of psychologists and psychotherapists. Suddenly the husband ceases to recognize his wife. She begins to behave confidently and even aggressively, and suddenly even packs up her things and leaves. Through a little case, it turns out that the wife visited one of the mental health professionals … and that's what happened. For a husband, it's as simple as a bolt from the blue. He had no idea that something like this was happening. Everything was, as always, nothing foreshadowed. The suspicion immediately creeps in that the psychologist has stolen or changed his wife's brain. Or somehow fascinated her and powdered her brains. And she, a stupid creature, believed and turned against her husband. How are such specialists allowed to work if they teach women bad things? Psychologists are really not without sin. There is even a term “consultant-induced divorce”. In this case, the specialist transfers some of his personal problems and difficulties to the client, broadcasts his own decision that the marriage should be terminated. If the client is suggestible enough, then she finds irrefutable disadvantages in marriage, recognizes them as insoluble and divorces. But this does not happen often and there are banal reasons for this. For the reputation of a consultant, it is not broken marriages that are important, but saved ones. People with family problems come to a psychologist to fix a marriage, not break it. To destroy the union, they go to court or to a lawyer. The psychologist does not teach how to file an application for divorce. Information about this is completely free of charge at stands in district courts. Accordingly, a woman will first of all go to consult with a specialist known for building relationships in the family, and not for destroying them. If you want to talk about the psychotherapist's income from such ladies, then "I have them." Let's say that a psychologist or psychotherapist is such a greedy creature, exclusively for money. A divorced woman, especially one who lived at the expense of her husband, is unlikely to be solvent. But deliberately delaying the therapy process, leaving the client in a semi-unresolved situation, is a potentially good source of income. So breaking up the marriage is correct in terms of therapy if the client so chooses, but in terms of money it is "bad business" (Long-term therapy is not unprofessional. It's about preferences if the psychologist is a villain). With regard to this woman psychologist, her ethical views and actions, her professionalism, we can say absolutely nothing. Divorce following therapy is not an indicator. In fact, we do not know what the woman turned to, what the circumstances were and what options for solving the problems the client faced. Was her sudden dislike for her husband really irrational and thoughtless. Much may seem irrational to us if we do not know the reasons why this or that person behaves in such a certain way. The psychological community has a negative attitude when there are some facts of unethical behavior. Dissatisfaction with the results of the therapy of the client's or patient's family members is not a sign of unethicalness or unprofessionalism of the specialist.

However, let's look at the situation from the facts we know. So, a woman with 2 small children goes to the psychotherapist and the housekeeping is on her shoulders. Those. she, in principle, has something to do in her free time from housekeeping, if any. But she does not go for shopping, or for a massage, or to talk to her friends, but to a psychotherapist. This hints to us that she is in crisis, has problems that she herself cannot solve in any way, she does not have any support in relation to these problems. Let's face it, people in Russia in most cases go to a mental health specialist when they are very tight. She does not tell her husband about this and hides the fact of consultations during the year. Probably, the problem concerns the family, and she does not want her husband to somehow interfere in the process. For example, he prevented her from seeing a psychologist. In the course of therapy, a woman changes and becomes more confident, expresses her feelings to her husband and expresses complaints. Usually these things are really recommended during therapy if the client's problem is family related. The therapist suggests that the problem can be solved by letting the partner know what the person is feeling and wanting. In fact, most husbands are not villains at all. They simply do not know what is on the wife's mind, and they cannot read thoughts. To put it bluntly, they are quite willing to meet or are ready to discuss compromises, taking into account the wishes of both parties. However, as is known from the letter, the husband regards his wife's behavior as irrational. The wife is defined as cocky and proud. I will subjectively assume (maybe I'm wrong) that there is an element of irony here. Now many husbands really do not know that something psychologically is happening to their wife. It seems like the house is clean, the soup is on the table, the children are in the kindergarten. He gives money for all this, believing that “what else is needed”. And suddenly … this. Well, a woman cannot escape from such well-being in a state of mental health. Only if she is bewitched or she is mad. At the same time, there is such a phenomenon as “ housewife syndrome". It begins, as always, with a happily married marriage. Newlyweds are suitable for each other in status and intellect, in general, only live and enjoy. However, soon, for one reason or another, and most often because of pregnancy (or pregnancies) and childbirth, the wife stays at home for several years in a row. The husband goes to work to raise money. He works a lot, for this reason he comes back late and tired. The wife has all sorts of bullshit on her mind like diapers, loose nails, not brought potatoes, etc. Some wives insist that the husband also lean against the conduct of life. However, the spouse believes that he has already completed his part, and the wife, since she is at home all day, must solve all these problems herself. My wife and I soon get bored. She does not develop, does not move forward in life, is fixated on the house and household trifles, in the evening she cuts with varying intensity. It becomes tense at home, you don't want to spend time together. The husband later appears at home. What about the wife? She begins to get tired of the monotonous life and does not receive any positive feedback from her husband for her work.… He notices only punctures and flaws. Emotional contact is lost, it seems to her that he is not opposed to her. She cannot count on him, because he simply may not come when he promised, refuse to help or take on at least part of the responsibilities, even if her temperature is under 40, and the children are crawling around in dirty diapers. She begins to assess herself negatively. She really wants to develop, she wants to leave the house, she wants to communicate with her man and feel empathy from him. But she sorely lacks time to read the news of scientific and technological progress. In her free time from children and households, she wants silence and something that does not burden the nervous system: a simple novel or TV series. The husband begins to make fun of her and look at it with disdain. Her self-esteem begins to roll downward with acceleration. This is especially evident in those cases when she does not have sufficient social connections that would show her that everything is fine with her, that she is great. The wife begins to try more and more, but her husband does not notice her more and more. Those. there are no shifts in their relationship. More responsibilities lead to the fact that she overloads herself and ceases to be in time with the simplest things. The woman plunges into a state of powerlessness. Modern society makes it known that “you have to keep up with everything” and “don't you have time? So lazy. " Fortunately, there is a lot of information around that there are women who also do a lot of things. Against their background, it looks inferior. The main request for a psychotherapist from such women is how to change themselves in order to improve their family and be in time for everything. They stand up for her husband. And they justify his behavior by the fact that he is tired, she has degraded, and it is clear that he is annoyed and he is not interested in her. Yes, of course, in his free time he has to go to his friends, it's hard for him. Yes, he has every reason to have a mistress. If he leaves her, she is to blame. And yes, the first thing it turns out at the consultation is that both are responsible for what is happening in the marriage. She cannot fix and fix everything unilaterally. Further, the woman begins to try to involve her husband in changes, to put her interests next to his. Further … it all depends on how the husband reacts to it. If she begins to consider her hysterical and stupid, continues to neglect her, then … the marriage is rapidly heading towards its end. Now the question arises, who actually destroys the marriage in such cases. A psychologist who "taught his wife bad things" or … someone who did not bother to ask what this "wife is mad about". Now the widespread dissemination of information about PMS has become just a wonderful explanation for all the claims, discontent and emotional outbursts in women. Not everyone has PMS and cannot be permanent. So dear men. You just have no idea how many women are now in a state of tacit decision to leave. Even without the pernicious influence of a psychologist, but by themselves. They lose themselves in marriage and they don't like it. Your views on the place of women in the family and position in relation to men do not matter in modern European society. There are women who devote themselves to their family with pleasure and without any difficulties, but they are far from always happy with the situation in which they find themselves. Yes, and husbands leave women who have suddenly "sunk into the household." They become uninterested in a housewife with interests revolving around pots. But in the next relationship, it may turn out the same.