Psychological Portrait Of The Client "Housewife In A Midlife Crisis"

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Woman, 40-50 years old.

Children - adults, adolescents. The spouse is a successful businessman and manager.

Financially dependent on her husband, housewife (or rather, the mistress of the house), mother.

A brief description of. What and how does she live

All life is around the husband, the main value is the family. Lack of emotional intimacy with her husband, mutual dissatisfaction. He spends very little time with his family, but even home he “drags” his work problems, nervousness, bad mood, and confusion. Cheating, alcoholism, the husband's preoccupation with his business life, his absence by his side at important moments in life, lead to the accumulation of resentment, chronic stress. When communicating with loved ones, the husband often displays authoritarian, arbitrary, domineering behavior, which leads to conflicts, and given everyone's dependence on him, you have to suppress your own emotions, discontent, true needs and feelings. She got used to sacrifice herself, her emotional well-being, health for the sake of maintaining relationships. A thin world is better than a good quarrel, this is the motto. Responsible for the emotional well-being of her husband, how he looks “in public”.

Lack of intimacy, sexual problems, dysfunctions. It has long been not an "attractive object" for her husband, but rather an important part of life, a close trusted person, reliable rear, "family". Warmth and care has long been replaced by generous gifts. She does not think about divorce, she is in a financial trap, she is used to a good life, high status, level of income, services, she is afraid of losing them. She is afraid to be left alone that her husband will leave, therefore she is ready to close her eyes to her husband's infidelities, while being in constant anxiety, stress, trying to control, receiving a tough rebuff. The children have grown up, it seems like nothing keeps them in marriage - there are no common values with her husband, he limits his business world from her, believing that she is not able to understand and share his problems with him. In these conditions, she has two choices: either to start asserting herself, looking for a job, a hobby, or a small business, realizing that this will not help strengthen the family, and can lead to a final break. Either accept, leave everything as it is, while losing interest in life.

The main conflict is financial dependence on the husband with dissatisfaction with the emotional and sexual life, the inability to leave, divorce, fear of losing status and comfort. But, and keeping a marriage for the sake of stability, money is offensive.

Unfulfillment, resentment against her husband, for not recognizing her value, self-sufficiency, her contribution to his success.

Children are pain. The despoticness, authoritarianism and categorical nature of the husband, the absence of warm relations in the family, (love and care has a financial equivalent), their functionality, with a weak dependent mother, concentrated on children (and not on herself), lead to infantilization of children, social immaturity, and inability to independent life. Options are also possible - various types of addiction, psychopathic, antisocial behavior of the child. Children growing up in such a family hit the weak, vulnerable spots of their parents, their values - status, impeccability of the family, “ideal parenting”, trying to reveal, pull out all family secrets, skeletons in the closet, everything that is hidden behind the facade of a “decent family”. All this is experienced very painfully, is perceived as injustice, betrayal, collapse of hopes and expectations. The spouse blames everything. Conflicting relationships with children - stress, anxiety, fear for their future. A buffer between a husband and children (child), smooths out sharp corners in the relationship between them, tries to hide something, shield them in front of each other. Responsible for the emotional background and peace in the family. Is in constant tension because of this, will survive.

How she looks like

Or older than his years, although he tries to keep himself in shape. Excess weight (hormonal dysfunctions, lack of libido, tendency to overeating emotionally). Or very well, devotes a lot of time to his own appearance, maintaining youth. Tastefully dressed, with a short haircut, can dress like a youth, comfortable, comfortable. He always has a "good face with a bad game", keeps the face, facade and image of the family.

Who surrounds her

Family. Representatives of various services. The spouse does not favor girlfriends ("girlfriends"), therefore "family friends", business partners of the husband. Emotional affection for pets.

Psychological picture. Personality traits. What is important to her. Emotional condition

There is an education that I did not use. Raised, either in a wealthy patriarchal family, with attitudes - "a man is a breadwinner, a stone wall, a woman's neck", etc., but, most often (given the historical context of her childhood) - she saw a hard-working, surviving mother "a simple Soviet woman" dreaming about a prince, protector and earner husband. There is no skill to take care of yourself. Masochistic (experiencing moral triumph when there is an opportunity to convict her husband of something - insensitivity, treason, alcoholism, etc.), manipulative. I'm not used to asking, demanding, seeking, relying on myself. Depends on her husband, his mood, therefore she is sensitive to any changes in his mood, tries to predict them, adjust, catch convenient moments. Calls it feminine wisdom. She is prone to violating other people's boundaries, unsolicited advice, statements of expert opinion on any occasion. Rescue tendency. Arrogant, emphasizes her status as the legal spouse of such a person, is proud of him. At the same time, self-doubt, instability of the emotional sphere, a constant state of neuropsychic tension, a feeling of loneliness, lack of fulfillment. Indifferent to entertainment, pleasure. Rather eternally "concerned." She is limited by worries about the family, therefore she feels a sense of self-sacrifice, which increases the degree of conflict in the family. Very conflicting relationships with children, because it is on them that all her self-realization pours out, takes a dominant and controlling position towards them, is hot-tempered, irritable in relations with them.

Psychological fatigue, lack of joy, pleasure. Fears and anxiety for children, their own future. Lack of emotional support, strong and stable friendships.

Frequent headaches, mood disorders, sleep disorders, irritability, incontinence, especially in relationships with children / children. Hypochondria. Prolonged depression. The meaning of life is lost. The need to calm down, understand yourself, find peace of mind.

Basic life attitudes, which I used to follow:

- Give in.

-Do not think.

-Don't feel.

-Help, even if you are not asked to.

-Be an excellent mother.

-Always sacrifice yourself for others - context - your desires, your aspirations, your beliefs and, ultimately, your body.

The main "games" that he plays in the family: "Hunted Housewife", "See How I Tried", "Frigid Woman".

Core values (what is in short supply is valuable, not implemented).

The emphasis falls on specific material values - health, a materially secure life, education and well-being of children, efficiency in business, accuracy, rationalism, diligence, tolerance. Striving for family well-being, health of loved ones, stability. Recognition, approval. Both public and from the husband's side. In an unsettled relationship with a husband, the value of "love" is especially relevant. A strong need to be loved, so the value of love on the side or in dreams can increase, which in turn further reduces satisfaction with marriage.

The more family orientation is, the less it is for an active active life, therefore values such as freedom, independence, self-confidence, active activity, realization are not among her priorities. The value orientation towards a materially secure life reduces the value of the values of knowledge, creativity, development, so they are also not a priority. The most important value is the emotional and therapeutic function of the family, when marriage fulfills the tasks of realizing emotional well-being, comfort, and security. Such a family in which the tasks of support, emotional release, intimacy, attachment are realized. Something that is not in her family.

What can help her: if she learns to listen to herself, her needs, desires, learns to reckon with them and independently satisfy them. Will leave the role of "rescuer", learn to accept help, support. Learn to value yourself for your personal dignity, and not for what you do for others. Observance of the balance of taking and giving in a relationship, if he stops giving more than loved ones can take, and exactly as much as they give her. It is extremely important for her to put her wishes and needs higher than the needs and wishes of those around her. If the balance of physical and mental health becomes a top priority for her. The possibility of realization outside the family, the acquisition of a different identity.