What Is Your Love Language?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Author: Milashina Olga Georgievna

Love can be shown in different ways. Gary Chapman, author of The Five Languages of Love, identifies the following ways of showing love:

• words of encouragement;
• time;
• gifts;
• help (care);
• touch.
• words of encouragement;
• time;
• gifts;
• help (care);
• touch.

Read more about love languages in the notes - "Five languages of love" (from the book of Gary Chapman) - Words of encouragement and Time and "Five languages of love" (from the book of Gary Chapman) - Gifts, Help, Touch. Through love languages, we receive confirmation that we are loved, and also communicate our love to people who are important to us. How important is this or that love language to us? What is the most significant love language - native? Drawing love languages helps to answer these questions, since a metaphor is a shortcut to our unconscious. By analyzing the colors, the size of the figures, their location, you can learn a lot about your own love languages. It can be vital to "repair" present or create future relationships. Practical example … Permission to publish from the client has been obtained, the name has been changed. The girl is in long-term therapy. Ilona comes from a family where there were no violent quarrels, fights, insults and a showdown. The cold reigned in her family, everyone was “on his own”, doing his own thing. No guests came to the parental home, there was always silence. The girl felt lonely and unnecessary. Now Ilona has grown up, but the feeling of loneliness remains. She has no friends, a beloved man. The girl really wants a warm relationship, love, but she does not know what it is, because she has never seen such a relationship. If you did not know parental love, everything can be solved, you can feel it and learn to express it. You just have to make an effort. We are discussing love languages with Ilona. After the discussion, I ask the girl to make a list - to list five love languages in order of their importance to her personally (in the first place will be the native language). Then draw an illustration for each love language and rank the colors used. The following figure turned out.

Time comes first. It looks like this

Gifts are flowers in a vase

Touches are two hearts.

Words are mouth.

Caring is a teddy bear.

The color gradation looks like this.

Let's move on to discussing the figures:

Drawing of the joint time is in the first place. Apparently, this love language is important for you - spending time with a man

- I've never seen my parents do something together. Yes, and with me, none of them had a common time. And I dreamed so much that we would go somewhere together, or cook together, play, talk. Then I would feel loved.

In the picture, a man without clothes is naked. What associations does this image evoke?

- The man is defective, greedy, empty, low-status, as if with all his looks says that "there is nothing to take from him." That's what dad always said. She and mom had different wallets, if dad gave mom money, then in debt.

The man has no feet and hands. Where can you go with this man?

- Nowhere.

What can you do with him?

- Nothing. It turns out that I see men unstable, "armless", empty and uninteresting.

It turns out that way. In the general picture, gifts stand out - this is the largest, most noticeable image

- Gifts are flowers in a crystal vase. Of all types of love, the easiest for me to imagine is that a man is giving me flowers. The bouquet is like something really achievable.

Flowers are depicted in a pleasant color for you. This color is at the top in the color gradation. But the color of the vase is in last place in terms of attractiveness. What associations do you have, Ilona, does the vase evoke?

- The vase is fragile, it is easy to break it. And the flowers will wither quickly. As if gifts are some kind of temporary, fickle language of love. As if gifts can be received only sometimes, on some special occasions. Mom sometimes gave me gifts, and now she sends me money while I am studying at the university. And dad, as I said, saved every penny.

It turns out that mom and dad have a different attitude to gifts. And you don't know if you can accept gifts from a future man. This will contradict the usual picture of the relationship between parents

- Yes, and I do not feel worthy. And as if I want to take the last away from the man.

This belief was formed from the experience of communicating with dad. But, every man has his own beliefs, preferences. He's definitely not a dad. Do you want gifts like the language of love to be present in your life?

- Yes, I want to. I will give and receive gifts.

The image of touch is the heart. Is this an incorporeal contact, emotional? Did I understand this image correctly?

- Yes, emotional contact is more important to me than physical contact. I can't even imagine contact with bodies. I feel like a teenager, for whom touching the hand of a loved one is already happiness.

Such a language of love, like words, is represented by the outline of the mouth. The mouth seems to be turned into emptiness. it has no color. As if there is no energy, no words. Does my perception match what you wanted to convey?

- Yes, that's what I wanted to convey. I cannot imagine that I am saying pleasant words to someone or someone is saying them to me. There was no such experience in my life, or I do not remember it.

The image of care is a teddy bear. What is it about for you?

- Probably about not playing with me as a child. I expect a parental relationship from a man, I want him to play with me like a child. My inner child wants to be played with.

Playing is more of a time together than a concern. You started with this love language, and ended with it. It looks like it really is your main love language

- Yes, that is right.

Do you think an adult man wants to become a parent for an adult woman?

- If he is really an adult and is ready for an adult relationship, he will not want to. I understand it. It's sad to see how many restrictions are in my way to a relationship with a man. But, I already SEE these limitations. So, I can eliminate it. I am a purposeful person, ready for changes. And I like to understand myself. Thus, with the help of a picture, you can get information about how important this or that love language is for us, how we unconsciously relate to it. Know the languages of love. very important. This knowledge helps not only in communicating with each other, but also with oneself. Our inner parental part can show love for the childish part in an accessible and understandable language for her. So, for example, at any age you can buy yourself a toy to please your inner child. Or make such a toy yourself. You can jump, dance, have fun, sing songs, while approving yourself. Use the language of love that is especially attractive. And then a real man doesn't need to become our parent. The better the relationship within our personality, the easier it is to build relationships outside, with other people.

Another article mentioning the languages of love: Wife or mistress, with whom to go next?