2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Now, it seems that you finally got rid of him. Or from her. Behind were scandals, late return home of the second half without warning and without intelligible explanations, numerous attempts (fruitless) to clarify and improve relations. It would seem that you need to rejoice, start life from scratch, communicate, meet new people, or, conversely, take time for yourself, if your inner motives require it … And indeed, for a while, everything really goes like this. It seems that the sun peeped out from behind the clouds, the veil fell from the eyes, and the shackles from the legs. I want to sing and enjoy life.
But then several months, six months, a year, or even several years pass, and a worm begins to gnaw at the soul. After some time, the worm gains strength, grows and begins to whisper: "Yes, he cheated on me and did not want to marry, but at least it was fun with him …" "Yes, she constantly pulled money out of me and complained that I I earn little, but at least it was so good with her in bed! " Our mind begins to play the game "yes, but …" A familiar story, isn't it?
The same rake
What happens after that? Usually - either attempts to return the ex-partner, ending with new unpleasant adventures, or - if this fails or simply lacks determination for this - a depression of mood, apathy, or even depression.
The return of a partner usually does not provide the desired relief. And not only because people do not change, but because, if they do change, they do it very rarely and slowly. And now there is a feeling of deja vu - again there are scandals, fits of rage, guilt, jealousy … A person understands that he has fallen into a trap. The smartest ones quickly break off relationships again. And those inclined to forgiveness give the inappropriate partner a second, third, fourth, eighth chance … And all this until a pile of ashes remains from the nerves.
And the partner often feels frustrated too. He also thought that this time everything would be different! And you also did not live up to his expectations, as he did yours. Therefore, the intensity of passions with each subsequent time can become stronger and stronger. And the separation passed for the nth time is likely to be poisoned by an even greater burden of mutual accusations than the first. And, sitting on the ashes, you will probably ask yourself more than once: “Why did I get involved in this again? After all, they say that one cannot go into the same river twice?"
Sad consequences
Most of us understand this intellectually. And yet sometimes, under the influence of alcohol or during difficult life periods, we begin to look back there. And the voice that says "yes, but …" becomes more and more insistent. And no reasoning can convince him. There is a modern proverb: "Give a person a second chance, and he will give you such an experience that no one else will ever get even the first chance from you."
The saddest result of stepping on the same rake is a closed heart. But we could open it to another person, give him our warmth and receive it! But this does not happen because of the fear that is fixed in the subconscious over and over again after unsuccessful "resuscitation" of the relationship. Such thoughts arise: "What if I was not created / but for happiness?" "What if I deserve everything that happened to me?" "What if he / she is right doing all this?" “What if it will be the same or worse with another person? No, it's better without any relationship at all! " And this is already an indicator of deep trauma, the work with which is a matter of special analysis. Better not even bring it to this.
So why, despite extensive negative experiences, do we feel longing for our ex? And how to overcome the attraction to them in order to preserve yourself?
To be continued.
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