How To Negotiate With People Who Are Bothering You

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

When we talk with a person who causes negative emotions - fear, irritation, anger, contempt, anxiety, etc. - we first of all feel the changes on the physical level. We have different symptoms in the form of abdominal pain, trembling hands, rapid breathing, skin redness, rattling voice, etc. Blood pressure and heart rate may increase.

Why is this happening?

We anticipate an unpleasant situation in advance, prepare for a difficult conversation, and this discomfort is instantly reflected in our condition. At the time of the conversation, we are already completely or partially "unsettled", it is already difficult for us to manage our emotional state and therefore we end up losing these negotiations.

Often after such an unsuccessful dialogue, we begin to feel inferior, insecure, self-esteem decreases. It can be a shame that again I did not manage to stand up for myself, prove my position, explain the situation, etc.

How to make sure that during a conversation with an unpleasant person or about a difficult topic for us, we can remain calm, reasonable and feel good?

There are basic positions of attitude towards people - "5 principles of coaching". It is a habit that can be mastered and that can become a lifestyle. In principle, you can often find such advice - look at life positively, or look at it differently, or learn not to take it personally, etc. It is easy to say, but where is the instruction how to do it. What should be done to look at life positively?

So, 5 principles of coaching. If you learn to look at people and situations on the basis of these 5 principles, then all unwanted moments when talking with people will gradually start to go away. There will be fewer "evil" people, and then they will disappear altogether. Health will stabilize, the mood will be optimistic. Self-confidence will appear and the authority of your personality in the eyes of other people will increase.

Principle 1 - all people are good the way they are

They also say in another way: "Everything is ok with everyone." We are used to assessing other people, dividing them into good or bad, good or evil, etc. In fact, all people are different, and they live in their own style, which they themselves have chosen. If it is important for us to build a dialogue with a person, then we can always find something bright and attractive in him, let it be, for example, 10% of something good, but it will definitely be.

If we are initially disposed towards a person disapprovingly, do not trust him, mentally condemn him, then even if we try to speak with him kindly, he will read everything that we think about him in our body, and the conversation will not work out.

Seeing something good in everyone is a habit, just like seeing bad. You can learn this habit if you want

For example, let's take a situation where the boss at work "finds fault". Let's look at the boss from this position.

“In principle, he is a normal person, he lets go when I need to leave early. Helps when urgent tasks need to be completed. Knows how to joke. I don’t know what problems he is now facing, maybe he’s in trouble at home … In any case, he’s fine. His position is the one that has to be demanded,”- this is how you can look at him.

Principle 2 - people have all the necessary resources to solve their problems

It is no accident that they say that the answer is already in the question itself. When we ask about something, we already know the answer. From the standpoint of logic, one can discuss this topic, but in real life this principle works 100%.

If we know exactly what result we want to get, then we know and in what way we can do it.

Let's take the same example, when the boss is not happy with our work and constantly criticizes it.

Let's say we have clearly defined for ourselves that we want to make sure that the boss stops criticizing our work. We analyze what we are criticized for - for inaccuracies, typos, inaccurate information.

What resources are there to address this issue?

“I can do my job better, i. E. double-check the data, take more accurate information for the calculation, do not postpone everything until the last day. Consult on this issue. To say that I do not have enough knowledge in this area, etc.”.

Principle 3 - all people act with positive intentions

It is about the fact that we are trying to do something good and right, but taking into account exactly how we understand it "good and right". Another person's opinion may not coincide with ours. It is important to understand that the other person is acting from their own idea of a certain situation.

For example, you and your colleagues are discussing the question of what other ways are there to attract customers to your retail network, and your colleague is very energetic in defending his position. And from your point of view, these methods are already outdated and the company will only lose time if it uses them. The level of tension in such a conversation can escalate to the limit.

Let's take a look at a disputing employee based on this principle.

“Maybe he wants, on the contrary, to help achieve a result in sales in this outdated way, and simply does not know about modern technologies, because at his age such knowledge was not given at the institute.

He just doesn't know how to do it differently, so he insists on his own. Perhaps he is not nagging, but is simply afraid of the anger of higher management and therefore expresses his concern about the disruption of sales plans."

Principle 4 - all people go through changes that are inevitable

We all change in the course of life - a kid, a teenager, a boy, a girl, a man, a woman.

Lovers, couple, family, mom and dad, grandparents.

Pupil, student, young specialist, specialist, leading specialist, deputy head, leader.

You can go on for a long time, and this once again confirms that changes are inevitable, there is no need to be afraid of them.

Principle 5 - all people make the best choice out of all the options they currently have

This means that the decision made by us or by another person was most appropriate for the situation in which we found ourselves. We did what we could, because we don't know how to do it differently, or because it is important for us to do just that now.

To better understand this principle, let's imagine a situation where at work your colleague was offered a promotion, but she refused. It is important to understand what is attractive to her in her current position, why it is so important to stay in the same status.

For example, what may be the motives:

- The working hours of this employee in a particular company are strictly regulated, until 18:00, and the manager has irregular working hours. At the moment, it is important for her to pick up the child from kindergarten, because there is no one to help in this matter. And the choice in favor of such a decision for her is due to domestic circumstances.

- Or let's say a lady accountant wants to avoid responsibility, well, she wants to live without taking on additional obligations, so she refuses the post of chief accountant. This is her choice and for her it is the only right one.

Looking at the world from these five basic principles is a matter of habit. How can you master it?

Take your difficult or conflict situation and consider from the perspective of the above principles. Answer the questions:

What is this person's goal?

What does he want?

How does he feel?

This simple exercise will balance our emotions, turn on awareness and provide an opportunity to analyze the situation from the perspective of a person who makes a balanced decision and knows how to control the course of negotiations.