Should Or Responsible

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

A phrase as common as "you must take responsibility" is an oxymoron. This is a stupid expression, the meaning of which few people understand

Let's figure it out.

To begin with, the notion of responsibility is already distorted by many. Everyone understands responsibility as a willingness to be responsible for a choice made. And that's all.

Already this delusion has caused and continues to cause enormous harm and problems in relations between people. We learn from childhood to avoid mistakes. It is beneficial for us not to admit our mistakes and to hold on to the last. We are all accustomed to the fact that if you admit a mistake, you will be punished immediately. A certain learned habit develops in the psyche of a child, and then in an adult. The habit of how to defend one's innocence with all possible forces and not admit a mistake.

Think back to any classic childhood experience. A case when you have done something due to carelessness or banal curiosity. And then there was an episode of interrogation and clarification of the circumstances. Parents tried to bring you to clean water. Someone was immediately intimidated with the phrase: "If you don't confess, it will be worse!" And they tried to deceive someone, saying: "If you confess, I will not punish," and still punished.

The only thing they wanted from us was a confession of what we had done, and then the expectation of reckoning

Everyone is afraid of being wrong and punished, from a child in a kindergarten to an official in government agencies. And all these are the consequences of idiotic (I'm not afraid of this word) reinforcement and maintaining the fact that if you were wrong, then you will be punished.

People, most likely, are not aware that it is normal to make mistakes, it is characteristic of a person at any age, and the main thing that they forget when talking about responsibility is the willingness not only to be responsible for their choice, but also the willingness to admit and correct the consequences of their choice.

Willingness to recognize and correct (think and do everything possible for this) the consequences of your actions.

Nowhere is it said that you need to feel guilty and expect reckoning for a mistake.

We are not encouraged to admit it easily and calmly when we make a mistake. And they did not spend their spiritual energy waiting for reckoning and punishment, but rather spent it on thinking about how you can fix the situation and what lesson to take for yourself for the future.

We are not taught or encouraged to admit to ourselves at the beginning and then to those affected by this mistake. And then make every effort and ability to correct or at least neutralize the consequences of our choice.

We are not psychics and cannot know all the consequences of our choice. But a destructive system of punishment and reward maintains the habit of not admitting what they have done in any way.

It is natural for a person to run away from responsibility, since he feels that if he makes a mistake, he will have to regret it.

The fear of responsibility is common to everyone, but more women.

It so happened that for some time women were secondary in society. Remember even primitive times. Their work concerned the maintenance of the hearth and the care of the children. The main responsibility lay with the men. They had to do everything in order not to perish themselves and not to let their tribe perish.

Therefore, the feeling of confidence that the man will be responsible for everything is inherent in women from birth, not to mention the upbringing in which girls are taught that they are the weaker sex, and they have the right to weakness.

Times are changing now, and roles, responsibilities and rights are mixed between man and woman.

But the desire to give responsibility for themselves and the family to a man in women has remained and is constantly manifested.

Responsibility = choice = freedom

The most unfree and, therefore, irresponsible person is a slave. And the most free and, at the same time, responsible is the owner.

It is beneficial for us to play the role of a victim, since there is nothing not to be responsible for and always find the culprit.

Women are cunning creatures, and this is their way of adapting to change. When you need to evade responsibility, the attitude appears: "I must". Since I want something else, but I cannot afford it, then I will have to do what I do not want.

I have to take care of the children. I have to keep an eye on the house. Must, must, must, must …

Where does the debt come from?

Of course, it is not so pleasant to admit that this is just a personal choice of a person: to take care of the children and to look after the house. It is much nicer to tell everyone that this is my sacred duty. So you feel like a hero. A person who sacrifices himself for the sake of others.

Should is the opposite of responsibility. When you don't want to be responsible for something, then you come up with something for yourself that you have to do.

I do not want to be responsible for my choice, so I will have to do what I do. This is not my decision, this is how it should be. Therefore, the responsibility is not on me, but on who or because of what I have to do something.

I have to cook, I have to be faithful, I have to make money, I have to do my conjugal duty, etc. Everywhere must, duty, must, must.

This is a great way to get away from responsibility and accept that only you choose what to do now.

And since you choose, then there are chances that the choice will not have very pleasant consequences and you will have to take on the decision and adjust them. And this, oh, how, I don’t want to.

And when I do not want to do what I have to do, then I begin to accumulate reasons, resentments and claims in order to justify myself and others. And, therefore, have the right to do something else.

For example, a husband thinks he should be faithful to his wife. He does not want to agree that this is his choice, and, therefore, it is his responsibility to be faithful. After all, then you will have to admit that it is he who is responsible for the feelings that he has for his wife. And if they do not satisfy, then it is not she who is to blame, but the reason for it.

He prefers to consider that it is his duty. It’s necessary since you’ve started a family.

And then, feeling that it is imposed by society, his wife, acquaintances and anyone else, he begins to accumulate discontent, claims, resentment and discontent towards his wife.

All this is done only in order to justify and obtain the moral right to go left. After all, she (the wife) is so bad, so why can't I go to the left where it will be good for me.

She does me badly, which means that for balance I will also do her.

The husband does not understand that this is his choice initially. He chose to be faithful and then to change. And even he chose such a tactic of quietly accumulating claims and not expressing everything that worries and worries him immediately upon occurrence.

Everyone does this, and most often women. It seems to them more profitable to keep silent and accumulate grievances, claims, so that later they can have something in return. And if they express dissatisfaction, then either in the form of claims (with the subtext that you are dear to me), or in hints (which no normal man can and should not understand). Women play at the offended and flirt so much that then they themselves suffer from a huge mountain of debts hanged on their husbands, among which there is not a single one fulfilled.

They do not understand that everything they do, say and think is their choice, and they are automatically responsible for this choice.

Such cheap and stupid manipulation does not end well. Mutual reproaches, grievances and showdowns.

Women act cunningly. They put on a yoke - they should. I have to look after the house, I have to raise the children, I have to clean, etc. And then women's logic tells them the following - if I have to, then my husband also has to.

And all these conclusions remain in her head. It remains part of her reality. And the husband does not even bother to be informed of what his wife has invented for herself and, what is more dangerous, invented for him.

How many families have suffered and will still suffer from a terrible virus in relationships called "for granted."This is a kind of box in the heads of the spouses, where everything that comes to mind is put together. All claims, discontent, decisions and thoughts go into this box. And the content is never submitted for review and discussion.

All women will say: "Well, it's so clear that since they started a family with him, it means that he has his own obligations, and I have mine. What is not clear here." So they live, hoping that they will understand her, read her thoughts and guess. It's so clear and logical.

Women with their phrases "must …" evade responsibility. They cannot admit to themselves that they choose it, that they do it at will.

It is easier for them to declare that they have to, they have to, they have to fulfill their duties.

And all this is done only in order to have the same right to hang on others.

So that later you could ask these people and get something for yourself.

After all, if you admit to yourself that this is just my choice and my personal desire, then it turns out that the spouse can choose and wish in the same way. But the choice and desire of a spouse may not be at all what one would like. This is where the danger comes in.

She chose to take care of the children and the house, and for some reason, such a bastard, he chose to walk, drink and lie on the couch. How so. This is not fair.

He, too, must choose what I do! Should.

This stupid, ineffective and dangerous circle of mutual grievances, reproaches and obligations can and should be interrupted.

It is enough to understand that by the fact of birth we become responsible for everything we do, say and think. No matter how much we want to get out of this and put on someone or something all the guilt of our discontent, we are always responsible for our choice.

It is convenient to blame the country, government and other systems for your problems. Indirect accusation is just one of the reasons that we do not live, but rather survive in our country. Not only do we transfer our responsibility somewhere, but we also depersonalize the culprit, saying that all the troubles are from the government.

But to admit that everything that you have is the result of your and only your actions, words and choices means recognizing yourself not only responsible for everything that happens to you, but also to feel such a hateful feeling of Imperfection and lack of Power over yourself and the world.

It is so sweet to feel personal excellence and power. Understand that you can, if you want. And how unpleasant it is to feel that you cannot.

Think about it, because all troubles, wars, problems of a local nature and family troubles have a source precisely in the feeling of being inferior, or rather imperfect, which entails a desire to prove one's power at any cost.

Countries prove their power to each other, husband and wife prove to each other their power (she can rule her husband, and a husband can rule his wife). Everyone is afraid to show their true weakness. And the real weakness lies in the fact that a person, a country and any system can and does make mistakes.

It is very unpleasant and difficult to admit a mistake on your own. Better to make excuses to the end.

It is for this main reason that people run away from responsibility. And since responsibility is in us from birth, we run away from ourselves. We do not want to believe that we can not be powerful, that we can be imperfect and can be wrong.

How important it is Effectively (the concept of "right" simply does not exist) to educate children. Encourage admitting mistakes, encourage the joy of being able to correct the consequences of mistakes, and feel entitled to be wrong and imperfect.

And also, show all this to children by example.

Our power is to be honest with ourselves. Do not run away from yourself and accept the fact that we and only we are responsible for what we have. We are free, and we make a choice every moment of our life.