2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What can be the reason for disappointment in psychotherapy? With unjustified expectations. When a client comes to psychotherapy, there is much hope for the personality of the therapist. He knows, he will give advice, he will solve the problem, he will change my life. But what I understood while working as a psychotherapist and undergoing personal therapy - without the client's own will to change, nothing will happen.
It's like in a state, if you don't have political will, you won't change or do anything. You cannot change the world around you. You cannot reform.
So a person, if there is no moral will and strength to change, no therapist will help you. Even insight and awareness comes from your ability, not just the therapist's ability to give good interventions and ask the right questions. Because, often, it is just the wrong interpretations and therapist's interventions that can lead to insights.
But real life changes come from will, not from awareness. How many do not realize, but if you do not connect the will, there will be no changes in life.
What is moral will? This is when, despite suffering, despair, sometimes powerlessness and helplessness, you continue to move and do not give up. You are ready to see the truth and grow in it, because growth in maturity comes with the awareness of the truth about your life and about the world.
Also, this is the ability, after seeing the truth, to make a volitional decision about what you can and what not.
Sometimes it is not a moral weakness to admit that something is destroying you, you do not have the resource for it and you need to refuse, is not a moral weakness, but a manifestation of moral strength.
And this ability to see the truth, to grow in it, to have the will for decisions, to grow in them, to have the will to afford what you can and refuse what you cannot - is the responsibility of the client.
If you expect this from a therapist, then you will be disappointed.
For example, you are in rehabilitation after severe fractures or a stroke and the doctor says: you need to move, exercise, walk. He can prescribe it to you endlessly, even endlessly discuss it with you. But without your will to do what is needed, even if it is painful, tense, somewhere unbearable, you will not recover, you will not recover. The doctor won't do it for you.
So the psychotherapist will prescribe, talk to you, help you grow, realize, work through resistance, but without your will to change something, nothing will happen. This is an axiom of life. Will burns karma (Eastern proverb).
Therefore, the therapist does not change your life. You create changes yourself, thanks to your character and will. The psychotherapist is only a guide and assistant. He can help you grow, can give you psychological knowledge, but without will, your own, there will be no global changes.
That is why knowledge without will is meaningless and sometimes destructive. And if you live only at the will of the therapist, you find yourself in psychological dependence. And it may be good for you, but with the same success you will be good in a church, a fortune-teller or a sect.
Is it possible to develop your will during therapy? People already come to therapy with this or that potential. But it is definitely possible, by discovering yourself, building your identity, strengthening your self, and developing your will.
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