Normalizing Violence

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Often, women addressing various emotional problems say: “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, I’m not like that, for something life doesn’t make me happy. The main thing in life is everything. Loving parents, great husband, great job. And for me something is all wrong and, not so. I'm furious with fat."

Through a small business, it turns out that with a husband, for example, life is generally wonderful. He walks, periodically throws heavy objects at her, lectures that she is nothing and does not represent anything of herself, does not give money to the house, but uses her income. And borscht does not hesitate to eat. Although, yes, it happens that if she doesn’t serve the spoon on time, she can throw the soup out of the plate. But he, the husband, that is, is a very good person. Well, that's all he does, it's okay.

And for what, in fact, should he respect her? She works and earns money (and sometimes more than her husband), looks after the house and the children, goes in for sports so that nothing hangs out there, looks after his parents and goes with them to the dacha … this is how it should be. Those. nothing extraordinary, for which people are generally respected, is not in it. Now, if she did more, then yes, there would be a conversation. So borscht in the face is deserved. Only fools take offense at this. The smart ones draw conclusions. If you got borscht rain again, it means that you simply did not draw conclusions.

There are not so many extreme cases, but the layer of people, both men and women, for whom violence is an integral part of their lives, is very large. For women it is more often a family, for men it is work. These are socially approved places where personal violence can be committed. And this is not only the norm in the eyes of society. It becomes abnormal to defend yourself or even show displeasure with such behavior towards yourself. “Wise women” in the family are silent and do not contradict their husband, they simply accept all this nonsense that the husband carries. The wife can also nag her husband for her own pleasure, he will simply be silent and ignore her, because it is normal that women are fools. Well, this is a world where women are inadequate, and it is too indecent to be offended and somehow react to inadequacy.

At work, in no case, no matter what happens to you, you can not complain. The woman "wanted it herself" or "sit-then-at home." Well, the man who complains is a weakling. And the main thing is that the authorities do not even need to strain to give such a reaction. I would say that the claims to the authorities cause him some kind of stupor from surprise. Pattern break and cognitive dissonance.

The collective of equals will condemn. Well, everyone's the same! This is fine! Why are you driving the wave!

Violence enters the life of citizens as an integral part of it. Nor is it about the struggle for survival, it is just part of a normal routine. There must be victims, there must be aggressors. If you fall into the category of victims, then do not fuss. That is life. Sheep do not bite wolves, this is unnatural

Thus, violence is normalized both in the eyes of society and in the eyes of the individual. There are people who, in the opinion of society, have the right to be aggressors, they are always right, and a person has no right to resist them. For example, parents can tyrannize an adult child because they raised and raised him, did not sleep at night, etc. And therefore “you will always be our child” and we have every right to your life, no matter how old you are.

The husband, too, often in the eyes of society has a right to much in relation to his wife. Here one could, of course, suspect that the text on the topic "all men are cool", but in fact, basically normalize this state of affairs of a woman. From “be patient, everyone lives like this” and “look at yourself, how could it be otherwise” to “well, since you are such a fool and a rag that you allow yourself to be treated like this, then you deserve it”.

Normalizing violence - protecting the individual against negative feelings associated with violence. Especially if it was committed against a person in childhood, and the mother was the main aggressor. The child begins to evaluate violence against himself as part of the world around him. Well, it just can't be without it. This is the basis of relations between people, it is, after all, love. Mom makes fun of you in front of friends, and says all sorts of obscenities, such as how you got your pants dirty as a baby. Everyone laughs. Don't you dare be offended. Mom loves you! If you, my friend, fall in love with someone, you can safely say nasty things about your beloved in the company of friends. This is such love

Often, the normalization of violence leads to the point that a person begins, in order to feel better, to direct the aggression towards himself. Starting with the fact that a person habitually and methodically ridicules his own shortcomings and encourages others to join the bullying. It's like even aerobatics. I am so critical and unperturbed. Like, you can even beat me, I will not be offended, because I am a great guy. Or even, here. I’m going to beat myself up badly. It will be very funny.

The normalization of violence often leads to the fact that people-victims themselves, on occasion, begin to attack those who gape, and those who, in their opinion, cannot fight back. Well, what if my boss humiliates me, then I can humiliate my subordinates. What's wrong with that? All bosses do that. Did my parents punish me severely and did not give me food if I was guilty? So what's wrong with this approach? This is how I bring up my children. How else can you bring up children?

Do not think that a victim of violence is completely immoral and feeble-minded.

For example, women who find themselves in relationships with men as aggressors are far from often neglected housewives with 8th grade education. There are many well-educated and successful women. But they have a dissociation in relation to violence and themselves.

This is a kind of psychological defense, when people think that everything that happens to them is not about them. This tactic helps to overcome pain and a large influx of negative emotions. One lady I know was a lady of very strict views on equality in the family and free will. Then somehow I accidentally saw her relationship with her husband … well, there was absolutely not what she was promoting, and not what she said. No, it’s not a lie, and she didn’t want to impress me. She confirmed what I had just witnessed with my own eyes, but … with her somehow it could not join the concept of "violence".

She gave me a lot of information on the relationship between a female and a male in a herd and a flock, personality theory, neuroticism, childhood traumas of her husband … and in the end … "Yes, actually it's all violence, but in our family, it's not violence."

Yes, of course, everyone lives as he wants. Maybe someone likes this pastime. But mostly I don't like it. These people simply don't have much choice. They are looking for a partner and a job with “home conditions”. Those. an understandable and understandable environment with flourishing aggression and violence - just “home sweet home”.

People suffer all their lives, and if they run away, they skillfully choose the same again. After going through 10 firms, they choose the one where emotional abuse is most developed, after meeting 10 partners, they will focus on the one who is most prone to violence. And so on in a circle, which is then joined by children and grandchildren.