2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The topic of self-development is very fashionable now. And with the development of information business, those who want to help in finding the meaning of life, gaining personal happiness, losing weight, raising children and other areas are just a dime a dozen. And all would be fine, development is a good thing, but this mainstream creates certain stereotypes in society, which people, without hesitation, try on themselves as a standard. And then they suffer and gnaw at themselves because they do not correspond to this imposed image.
A client came to me complaining of constant fatigue.
Husband, two small children, behind a leadership position.
- You see, I feel incapable of anything.
- What exactly are you not capable of? To feed the children and the husband? Keeping the house clean? To keep the little ones busy with something interesting?
-No, my whole life is, in principle, adjusted, I'm talking about creative self-realization.
- What would you like to be realized in?
- The fact of the matter is that I do not know! From all sides, I hear calls to make plans and achieve goals, to work on yourself, to find your calling, to open your own business. And I seem to light up, and I even get business ideas, but how it comes to implementation, such fatigue and heaviness falls on me that I postpone this project until "sometime later", which, as you understand, never comes.
- Tell me, but these calls, from whom do you hear them? Close ones? Husband? Girlfriends?
- No, it's on the Internet. If I read an article about how a mom and her children opened her own business, I get upset and go out of my way for several days. Then I receive an invitation by mail to the next marathon, and there are examples of how its participants found themselves and their life changed dramatically.
- And how do you feel about these people and their success?
- I feel envy.
- And what exactly do you envy?
- I envy the fact that they are engaged in an interesting business, that they benefit people, they receive recognition. In general, in principle, they tore their butt off the sofa and "do great things."
- Tell me, do you like staying at home with your children?
- Yes, I like it when I think about going to work, I understand that I don't want to go back there. And in general, I don't want to work the way I worked before the decree. For me, my husband, my children are a priority now, I do not want to spend my time and energy on working for someone instead of investing it in my family. Ideally, when the children grow up, I would like some kind of not very stressful work, not a full day or a week, so that family is still my top priority.
- What is your lifestyle now? Do you have a lot of personal time?
- Oh, what a personal time! Children wake up early, you can't really do your own thing with them, so, just do something around the house or cook something. In the evening, we put the children to bed and the husband needs time to devote, and then it's time to go to bed in order to have time to sleep before the children wake up. Sometimes I have time to read a book, do exercises in the morning, but not every day, to meet with my girlfriends to chat - these are our mothers' meetings, well, and read something on the Internet.
- That is, you say that you like being at home with children, and you would like to continue this. Despite the fact that you do not have personal time for your own longer-term affairs. At the same time, you feel tired and, moreover, not capable of anything. Despite the fact that in the main area for you - the family, at the moment everything is fine with you.
-It looks like this. It seems that everything is fine in the family, but I do not feel successful, just taking care of children and home. And I don’t understand where this fatigue comes from if I don’t do anything special.
- I see the reason for your fatigue in the fact that you are constantly fighting with yourself, because you are in an internal conflict. And all your strength is expended on this struggle.
And the conflict is this:
You take as a role model examples from the Internet that you come across in different sources and whose main purpose is to encourage those who read them to take the next course, marathon, training, etc. Pure water marketing.
Your body gives you signals at the moment when, as you say, a weight falls on you, that either the goal itself is not relevant, or there is not enough resources, for example, time, to achieve it.
Only you perceive this hint as your own laziness, fear and lack of ability and start a program of self-judgment. It turns out a vicious circle. There are not enough resources to achieve - condemnation of oneself and a waste of energy on this - there are still no resources, and resistance also goes to another goal, which in turn starts condemnation of oneself again.
In other words, you take the goals imposed on you as a guideline, without taking into account your own needs and capabilities. And then you scold yourself for not meeting these goals. Then how to do exactly the opposite.
- Yes, it looks like that. And what to do in this situation?
- First of all, you need to remove the source of desires that appears outside, thanks to advertising, and not your own needs. Unsubscribe from all mailings, stop reading blogs that make you jealous and talk about how easy it is to run three businesses with three young children. You don't need to look outside for inspiration, because that inspiration lives within you. If you stop feeding yourself endless stories of other people's success, you will hear the voice of your own inner inspiration.
- That is, I, in fact, need to isolate myself from the information flow and try to listen to myself? Honestly, I confess, it's not easy for me to even imagine how to do this, but I'll try.
There is also something else that we did not have time to talk with the client about. The reason for responding to various business projects may be the desire to distract from daily, repetitive, in general, affairs. Isn't it fun to dream about your project? But the implementation of these ideas will require resources that a young mother simply does not have. So, maybe just to enjoy coming up with these plans, without trying to implement it? Who knows what all this can turn out to be when the children grow up and there is more free time?
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