Are Your Parents To Blame For Everything In Your Life?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Some time ago, and even now, however, various trainings on the topic of forgiving parents were very fashionable. Often latent in these trainings or clearly there is a theme that everything that happens in your life became so because of them, your parents … They are, for example:

They did not give their son or daughter a start into a bright future without paying for an expensive foreign university, "having studied in which, of course, he would have been the president of, if not the United States, then at least some transnational corporation, receiving a million dollars a day."

They loved the child a little, which is why he or she became a drug addict / drug addict, or started drinking.

In childhood, they did not buy a foreign-made bicycle for the child, but bought a simple "Salute", it is because of this that he now does not want to work anywhere, or wants, but cannot. Well, how can a 25-45 year old work now, if in childhood they didn't buy a cool bike for him?

The list of such claims, more or less adequate or, on the contrary, utterly divorced from reality, can be incredibly huge and varied.

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In general, of course, what happens between parents and children in a certain way affects the future of children in a certain way. Only this influence is not predetermined and predictable. Even studies on this topic, at least those of them that are somehow similar to scientific ones, show a very ambiguous effect of parenting on children. Basically, you don't even need to be a great researcher of this topic. It is enough to look around you and remember how the parents raised someone, and what came of it.

One girl was scolded by her parents for bringing home triplets, requiring only 5s to be brought from school, and she grew up as a careerist who cannot get married in any way. Yes, he still lives with his mother to this day. And her friend, who was also bullied by her parents for her grades at school, we see happily married for a long time. And she also wanted to spit on the marks and as soon as she turned 18 she left her parents.

Here the parents forbade two identical girls to wear a short skirt to school and high-heeled shoes. One of them still does not wear such clothes and shoes, and the other, in spite of them, wears them now and wore them in high school.

And here are two alcoholic dads and two of their classmates. But one later becomes a professor of medicine, and the other is in prison.

Parents paid their son for expensive education at the university, and he drank himself to death.

Parents did not give their son a penny for education, but he achieved everything himself. Or he created a business and hired people with higher education.

There can be many different options. You, my readers, can easily find, remember, describe your examples of how children perceive very differently what their parents give or do not give them. Moreover, even in the same family, children can grow up very, very different.

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What does this mean? This means that a lot of different factors affect how a child grows up. In addition to parents, grandparents and other distant and close relatives also influence. The political system in the country and the society around it influences, the first teacher in the school influences, and not the first one either. Weather influences, in the end it all! I am not even able to describe all that affects the little person and how exactly. It is definitely not worth relieving responsibility from the parent. But is it necessary to cycle on the parent's figure?

He wrote a publication, “The Dying Immortal Mother. When you have a daughter you can ride. The name is clickable, you can follow the link and read it.

In this and similar publications, in continuation to this article, he described a very "special" mother. This is a very soft definition of the situation. Whoever reads, understands what it is about. A mother who is very good at using her child, and already an adult. But in this publication, and the child is very "special". I also choose an expression for this. Not everyone would accept mom's demands without criticism and fulfill them. And if you read the comments on the publication, the readers reacted very, very differently to both mother and daughter in that situation.

Again, I certainly would not relieve the parent of responsibility for what happened to their child. But every child has a period when he can take responsibility into his own hands. Maybe. But it does not always take. And I certainly would not relieve the responsibility of my life from someone who was once a child.

In general, I think it is a strong and useless extreme when they try to lay all the responsibility or all the blame on someone else.

In this regard, it is also a logical question, but if necessary to keep the whole focus of his attention to the "victim" from his parent, in his adult life, on his childhood and on his parents? Is it necessary and is it useful?

Is there any point in forgiving parents? Tell me, what is the point of forgiving them? Even if they were sadists, for example? Do they need your forgiveness?

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Yes, there are egregious cases, sometimes even connected with illegal and criminal actions of parents. True, there are cases after which children end up in hospitals, receive disabilities, and end up in psychiatric hospitals. I am sure that such “parents” should be punished for this.

Yes, there is such a thing. Only in this case, what is the point of devoting your life to thinking about which parents were not good?

I think no. I sure that

no matter how life develops, it can almost always be turned in a direction that suits you more

I myself changed my life a lot when it didn’t suit me. I myself, as a psychologist, working with people see how they achieve what they want and what they did not even believe in before! I think that my readers may have the same experience, maybe my fellow psychologists who read the article have examples of how the person working with them has changed.

We generally change throughout our life. But if you get stuck in the past, it is difficult to change. It is a fact.

I suggest you leave your parents alone and go about your life. If it is difficult to do this yourself, it is better to come to a psychologist for help. But only not for him to confirm to you that the parents have done their job and now nothing can be changed in your life. To go to such a psychologist, to go for this, I really do not advise!

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I invite colleagues, all readers, all interested in this topic to discuss this topic. Let's discuss?