2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Two of my friends, after the birth of their second or subsequent child, turned to a psychiatrist, two more - to a psychologist. Depression, anxiety, exacerbation of psychosomatic illnesses, nightmares and even hallucinations and panic attacks - this is not a complete list of what they have experienced
All of these "patients" - with a higher education and a very high level of intelligence, women who have married for love and have desired children. Lest you think that this definitely does not happen with those who are smart, kind, intelligent. That is, it will definitely not happen to you.
But then let them share not only successes, but also failures - so that it is fair. Because so far I see that some of the "successful" mothers are cunning, and sometimes they are cunning a lot. Someone is disingenuous about earnings in "their own business", presenting the figure that once happened as a regular one. Someone is disingenuous that the children do not get sick or hardly get sick, because she is taking some action. Someone is cunning that children sleep or eat well, because some magical way works flawlessly. They don't lie, they often really think that it is. Only when the child or the environment changes does it become clear that it was not a matter of the way or their skills. And in a situation. But the situation has changed, and it is necessary to develop new mechanisms for getting out of it. And as long as your strength is spent on the development of these mechanisms, you cease to be successful and succeed in everything. Cunning for themselves, for those around them, has become a way for many mothers to "pull up" themselves to a successful image of everything that succeeds and earns on maternity leave.
And when I wrote an emotional, heavy post on Facebook that the child was in hysterics for an hour, begging for strawberries (and he is allergic, and there was no more than one to try - this was the first time), and that I want to escape from children at the office table (seemingly such a simple thought, at least once slipping through the minds of many mothers - "where to run away"), such a thought turned out to be a shame in public space. And I received an amazing comment from a friend. She wrote: "Why then gave birth?"
As if the mother should only be happy and successful. As if the desired child cannot disappoint. As if we are either ideal, or we have no right to exist.
An amazing thing happened. We, mothers, have created a bunch of sites and accounts of our own name and write right and left advice on how to keep up with everything, stop getting annoyed, replenish strength, go in for sports. Stop! What are we doing?!
We have been taught to maintain this popular image.
Girls, are you serious? How can you get up at 5 in the morning and run in the morning if you haven't slept until 5 in the morning? Yes, you can probably have some small period of good time when your children are healthy. But during this period you will report on your successes on Facebook, and your readers will think that this is how it is with you - always!
Let's destroy this popular image and stop trying to impose on ourselves the unrealizable standards of social networks about "successful moms". You do not have to make money on what you love and have an amazing figure. You don't have to have time to study English with children and find 10 amazing new games. You don't have to breastfeed until 2 years of age and know more than one winding of a sling - and you don't have to have one at all.
We take to the streets and see real moms. Who argue with their husbands and shout at the children. Bottle feeding and spanking snotty toddlers.
And when I wrote about a terrible child's hysterics that was turning my insides, my friend asked, "why write this."
Why write about it?
So that when you, dear, blows away from motherhood, and when you share with your friend that you are tired, she does not put her lips in a bow and tell you: "Well, why give birth?"
So that if you have to go to a psychiatrist, you would not find this thought as embarrassing.
So that people have a realistic view of motherhood and a practice of helping a tired mother was developed, including psychological support groups.
Let's run a flash mob under the tag #realmom and take a photo of a real one. Not doing well. In stained clothes. With a snotty capricious child in her arms.
Because such us, the real ones, are also loved and supported.
This does not mean that you have to stay in clothes with stains, with bruises under your eyes and continue to yell at children. But we have to admit that this happens, and it happens often, and it happens to everyone. For all the other moms who think in horror that they are alone.
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