2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Sveta remembered how her mother once said to her: - Daughter, you have such a difficult character … How will you live with such a person? Be gentle and flexible, then everyone will be drawn to you …
These words were spoken after a second-grader Sveta refused to sit with a drunk father, who demanded that his wife or daughter massage his back and legs. The girl was not strong enough to properly stretch his stiff muscles. The father was angry. Shouted at the Light and mother.
The mother was constantly busy with work and taking care of her spouse, she hardly remembered about her daughter. Whenever the girl turned to her, she made a suffering expression on her face and sighed: - Lord, what do you want this time?
Sveta felt guilty for almost everything: for the fact that my mother needed to go to a meeting at school, for the fact that she needed to buy a dress, as she grew out of the old, for the fact that she fell ill at the wrong time and asks for the attention of her mother, who is very busy. The girl squeezed out of herself with difficulty: - Mommy, my head hurts … and it's hard to swallow …
After touching her forehead and making sure that Sveta had a fever, and most likely a sore throat, her mother, without much interest, prepared a solution for gargling her throat and ordered her to gargle. While she fiddled, trying to make out the inflamed tonsils and felt under the jaw, Sveta did not even dare to breathe, feeling immensely happy. Mom gave her her time, and she is an ungrateful daughter, whom Mom seems to be wasting a few precious minutes on. Sometimes the girl was jealous of her father, who had only to cross the threshold and say:
- Well, how long are you going to be there? Mother ran out to meet her husband, smiled ingratiatingly and said: - Sorry, dear, everything is ready, we are just waiting for you. Sit down quickly at the table.
Father, not deigning anyone to look, walked past the hidden Sveta and sat down at the table. The mother never told her husband that her daughter did not even have time to eat - after all, the head of the family had to try and get enough of it first. Therefore, all the tastiest things went to him, and to Sveta what remained after both parents. The girl did not have grandparents.
And at the age of 8, Sveta decided to follow her mother's advice and became affectionate and docile: in the morning she would run to put the kettle on so that her father could see how she was taking care of him, and when she learned to cook, she tried to cook a separate meal for her mother - she had a sick liver and she needed dietary food. The mother was moved:
- What a good you are, daughter … God grant you a kind, caring husband, so that you make him happy …
And Sveta began to make everyone happy except herself. And it seemed to her that it should be the only way, and not otherwise. The meaning of her existence was now reduced to receiving gratitude from others for the fact that she had helped in something. Even classmates began to understand that it is enough to simply ask Sveta - and she will not refuse. Sometimes the girl suffered from her behavior, because she was entrusted with the most thankless tasks, which she, almost crying, sometimes performed until midnight. But in the morning it was so nice to receive attention and to hear praise for the effort and the result!
As a result, by the time she graduated from the school, Light had become a person who thought in only one category - convenience and sacrifice for the sake of others. Otherwise, as she could be convinced, she could not listen to words of gratitude from her own parents and those closest to her. Even Lena's best friend could not stand it once:
-You are a cool girl, but it's impossible to communicate with you. You always look into your eyes to please. You can't please everyone in this life, how do you not understand this?
-It's easy for you to say, how beautiful you are, you can afford to be capricious and intractable, - Sveta took offense at her.
-Do you think it's all about my appearance ?! - Lena was amazed.-No, you fool, people will treat you the way you let them … And you allow to wipe your feet about yourself, you want to be good for everyone! You can not do it this way! You just can't, if you want a normal life and normal relationships …
But the meaning of her words remained beyond understanding for Sveta. After all, she always did as others wanted - she patiently listened to the drunken instructions of her father, who was not at all shy in expressions, talking about her future, and the suffering revelations of her mother, who was burdened by her own life. So it was from elementary school - Sveta could be considered a good daughter only if she agreed to a course of behavior that was obviously unfavorable for herself. Give up someone's turn? No problem. Go see the neighbor's kid? What is the conversation, she has nothing to do at home. Do the cleaning at one in the morning, because in the morning mom is waiting for someone from the housing office? Of course, you need to have time to wash and bake a cake, so as not to meet with an empty table.
The future spouse Andrei drew attention to Sveta only for the reason that no one else from the entire stream wanted to work with him on a research project. Seeing how a tall, tall guy pouted angrily and was ready to curse his fellow students, Sveta was the first to come up and peacefully offered:
- Hi, I am just interested in this topic. Can I work with you?
Not expecting this, the guy nodded silently. When he was convinced that Sveta was very responsible and ready to take on the entire scope of work, he did not hesitate to ask her to perform all the calculations and interpretation, which the girl did with great pleasure.
The project was highly appreciated, and after that something like a conscience leaped in Andrei. He invited Sveta to the cinema, after which they went for a walk in the night square. Andrey took the girl home and risked kissing. Sveta was unpleasant that he touched her without her permission, but such was her nature that she could not refuse. The second meeting ended in Andrey's bed in his apartment, when he was left alone …
Three weeks later, the girl discovered that she was pregnant. Andrei did not give up paternity and came to woo her parents. After a modest wedding, Sveta diligently tried to win her husband by cooking his favorite dishes, keeping the house clean and providing her husband with maximum comfort.
Everything was fine until the baby was born … and here Sveta realized for the first time that she was physically unable to combine caring for her husband with caring for a newborn. Andrei began to show dissatisfaction, and quarrels between spouses became quite common. The man did not understand why now he had to do the cleaning or wash the clothes, if before Sveta did an excellent job with everything herself …
- Yes, they are all like that, white-handed … They don't want to do anything themselves, they try to strain their husbands, - Andrei's mother was categorical about her daughter-in-law, whom she considered unworthy of her son from the very beginning of their family life.
Soon the son of Sveta will be five years old. She is still trying to please her husband, and the growing offspring, and parents - both hers and Andrei. Every year it is more difficult for her to do what is required of her, although she would like only one thing - to be left behind and allowed to do what she has long wanted to do. Sveta froze whenever she heard piano music. The dream of learning to play this instrument remained a dream, because my mother once said:
- No man will like it if you, instead of doing female duties around the house, start strumming the piano. Music is a whim, put it out of your head …
However, Sveta realized with excruciating pain that no matter how ideal a wife, mother, daughter or daughter-in-law she was, no one cares what she wants herself. And she herself wanted to play at least a simple part on the black and white keys … Only it would be so inconvenient for others … but she - she would somehow be interrupted …
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