2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
Unlike the classic "Good Girls", she was not good everywhere)))
This saved her. She still had a template for upholding boundaries and living for her own sake.
A few months ago, a young and successful girl approached me who could not part with her boyfriend. She was already living almost in depression from a protracted, destructive relationship, which she could not stop for about a year.
No, no, no one beat her, the man is outwardly positive and quite successful from all sides. He just manipulated and suppressed the girl, trampling on self-esteem with an elegant heel.
It was with this man that the client, let's call her Olga, got into the Good Girl Syndrome. When you need to please in everything, even through force.
Absolutely blurred boundaries. You can't insist on your own, he will be against it.
And it's not that she shouldn't be against it …
He very skillfully pushed its boundaries with the catchphrase "Well, you don't mind?"
She didn’t mind much, but she wasn’t in favor either. And all the time she lived in an unbalanced compromise. All as he wants, but she seems to be not against it.
By the third year of the relationship, she had already become so much Can't be bad and be against - that she completely lost support on herself.
I lived by his values, and suffered from it.
She went to rest where he wanted, when he wanted, and did not defend her interests.
Attempts to be "Good" for him resulted in self-persecution.
At the same time, Olga had her own business, a completely successful career and everything is in perfect order with her appearance.
Her values included freedom, self-development, career, and self-realization. But he was against it.
Stay at home and communicate only with women. You can't even talk to men at work.
She hid her second life from him, where she could be herself. Where she herself taught girls to defend their interests and build a career. All this consumed such a huge share of her internal resources that she really began to burn out and plunge into the abyss of depression.
The question is, well, why do you put up with such an attitude towards yourself, without experiencing any romantic feelings for the peasant for a long time?
Only fear. Fear of being bad. Fear of leaving him first. Throw it for the new year. Or before the anniversary … There has always been a reason not to quit.
It will hurt him …
She couldn't be bad enough to do that to him. But she could be cruel and painful to herself.
You can't be bad …
Self-confidence is a complex feeling. Everywhere and always confident in herself, she was absolutely depressed and unsure at home with him. She could not designate and defend her boundaries in a relationship. But she could not stop them either.
We modeled how her life would develop if she was good for everyone except herself - and such a prospect scared me in earnest.
The model of the ideal development of life and relationships, on the contrary, was inspiring.
All that remained was to make the final decision and act.
And after a serious study at the session, this block, which prevented me from choosing myself, my life, was broken.
Olga transferred her confidence in business to this difficult situation and …
Within just a couple of hours, she did what she could not decide for a year. Year!
He resisted, manipulated. He even pressed on pity. I used all the techniques that used to work.
But the button broke. She held out.
She was not afraid to be bad for him.
He moved out with his suitcase, making room for her.
In a day, Olga was already a free woman!
You can be yourself. Even get a dog. Or go to a bar. You can chat with friends without hiding. You can go wherever you want and whenever you want.
No need to pretend and agree. Do not please the person whom you have not loved for a long time. Finally, Olga herself and her values took the first place in her life.
The energy that was freed from painful relationships, she deftly directed into business and on herself. Now Olga is uncompromisingly confident in herself and will not allow herself to be manipulated for fear of being bad.
Several months passed.
She learned to build healthy boundaries with men. Healthy boundaries with yourself.
And now Olga has a new, healthy relationship. With a person with whom you do not need to play roles and pretend to be someone.
Well, role-playing games don't count, of course)))
Having changed some settings within herself, she built a relationship of a completely different level with a real noble man, "the god of sex", as she herself says about him))).
And for her beloved she is a Goddess)
A goddess who knows how to say no and negotiate.
When you don't need to wear masks and smile where you want to cry, when there is a place for you in your world, when you can clearly define your boundaries - then your whole life and relationships go to a new level)
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