The Other Side Of The "good" Girl

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

For a long time, in order to survive in an unsafe environment, people needed a clear knowledge of the rules and methods of survival, since they could pay with their lives for their failures and mistakes. Therefore, the training took place under maximum pressure to write the rules of survival in red ink as deep as possible into the brain.

In those days, a girl was required to be "good" - affectionate, obedient, comfortable, hard-working, caring, diligent, modest, quiet, well-mannered, compliant, obedient, predictable, economic - each has its own extended list. This was a prerequisite for belonging to a family, receiving parental warmth, attention and love.

Now the world has become much safer, but to this day, many continue to follow the scenario of the older generations, frightened by the manifestations of the child's natural strength, trying in every possible way to close it behind seven seals with the help of shame ("Well, are you not ashamed?"), Disgust ("Fu, what a roar-koreva "), prohibition (" Stop it now! "), intimidation (" Now the policeman's uncle will come and take you to jail "), fright (" AAA! Where are you going ???), inviting him to follow the imposed algorithms of behavior.

Inspiring the girl's main goal in life is to create and maintain a family, for which she must be beautiful and obedient. So that she constantly pursues beauty, attended Vedic seminars and trainings on the development of femininity, relied on the opinions of others and constantly compared herself with other girls.

Or another goal is to study well and be a patient winner. Find a good job, read smart books, carefully cultivate willpower, etc.

As a result of such a system of upbringing, the girl's psyche is split into "good" and "bad". The "good" part is accepted, the "bad" part is supplanted and guarded by a whole army of defense mechanisms - ignorance, devaluation, introjects, retroflection, etc.

The repressed "bad" part, feeding on fears, only becomes stronger and begins to look for any loophole to prove itself. She reminds me of a huge fox with twelve tails, which his parents locked in the body of little Naruto (the hero of the popular anime TV series).

F. Perls wrote that behind a good girl there is always an evil creature. After all, in order to be "good", she must be disingenuous. On the surface, she is open and malleable, but in the depths there is a lot of anger, which she has no right to throw out in an open way.

She spends a lot of energy trying to restrain the "bad" girl - but she still finds a way to "break through the defense" unnoticed, surreptitiously (hidden aggression, ridicule, sarcasm, gossip, complaints, unsolicited advice and care, psychosomatics, nightmares). It can be more difficult for people around them to cope with such behavior than with direct and honest aggression. It can often be more painful and feel like a knife stuck treacherously in the back.

In the books of Terry Goodkind from the series of novels "The Sword of Truth" there are unusually cruel and heartless women - Mord Sith, who were selected for training only from the most gentle and kind, "good" girls with the "bad" part repressed. During the training, all possible methods were used to make these parts "swap places."

After all, such a girl is quite simple to manage - she is used to obeying and enduring, she does not know herself, does not believe herself and has no idea how to act in the best way for herself.

Therefore, the most important "medicine" for a good girl will be to study herself differently … her desires, feelings, manifestations; the return of self-confidence and importance to what she (like her parents) mistakenly considered unimportant; acquaintance and acceptance of her aggressive "fox" - a bad girl who will help her learn to defend her boundaries and live a life filled with all the colors of the rainbow.