What To Do If You No Longer Have The Strength To Deal With Life's Circumstances

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

THERE ARE MOMENTS….

When you just need to stop.

Stop to look around and determine where the chosen map of life has taken us. Stop for a breath of fresh air and decide whether to continue the old path or take a different route.

Have you ever heard the phrase: "Plans are written in the sand, not carved in stone?"

I first heard it in 2013 at one of the motivational trainings. I practically did not take anything from it into life: external motivation in the style of “pull yourself together, dude, you can do anything” was enough for a couple of months, and I returned to my usual way of life.

But I remembered that phrase for a long time.

Probably in order to remember her now, when I write this article. Or in order to make a paradoxical discovery three years later - the biggest changes happen when we agree with our powerlessness to change something.

Many believe that it takes an iron will and discipline to achieve your goals.

Tell me honestly, how many of your goals died before they were born?

How many to-do lists are left without the “done” checkbox?

How many desires have you given up by convincing yourself that they are not important or timely?

I personally have about a dozen, but I will not say anything about the lists of outstanding tasks.

It's not about willpower or lack of motivation.

We begin to do something either because of strong arousal (desire) or because of strong frustration. More often, precisely because of frustration, when there is no longer a single opportunity to postpone a decision. When, like a blind kitten, we poke our faces into the void and expect indulgences from the world. We beg, cry, call for help, take vows to be obedient and remember all the missed opportunities. We are ready to do at least something, just not to stay where we are now, ready to grab any help, like a straw for a drowning … but once again it breaks off from our bulldog grip.

At such moments, it seems to us that we cannot ask ourselves, we need to try our best and do what we must: swim against the tide, prove to everyone that is stronger than the circumstances, that we are ready to take a blow. We tell ourselves that we need to go, but even a small step is no longer left with any strength or desires.

There are moments …

We seem to be stuck in two dimensions: we can't do it in the old way, but we don't know how in the new way.

Dead end. Stop.

Those of us who are used to hiding behind the illusion of stability, scolding ourselves for inaction, begin to fussily seek a way out of the impasse. They launch an endless stream of self-accusations, excuses and continue to beat their foreheads against the concrete wall. It mobilizes the remnants of strength, go out of their way, make new attempts with old meanings and come to a natural result - another dead end.

Poor forehead. How many concrete walls do you need to know that it is stronger?

Sometimes our strength lies in the ability to refuse in time to do what does not work, admit our powerlessness and keep our forehead whole. Throw the white flag in the face of life and agree with the obvious: we are humans, not gods.

We are wrong.

Not because they are stupid and funny, but because it is normal to be wrong. It is not normal to close your eyes to your mistakes, continuing to do what inevitably brings you closer to the abyss. It is not normal to keep doing the old, waiting for new results. And it is completely abnormal to build oneself out of an iron man, wasting the remnants of vitality.

Perhaps we were not swimming in our own waters, you persistently continue to row further from your native shores.

It happens…

Allow yourself to be powerless. Give yourself permission to stop. Look around, feel the flow of life, feel the direction of the wind. This is possible only from a state of calm, when neither thoughts, nor emotions, nor, moreover, actions do not distract you from the point "here and now."

Stop to absorb the experience, listen to the prompts of the soul, contemplate the new area, do not push yourself.

Stop at a red light, don't risk it. Yellow and green always light up behind the red signal. It is only important to wait for them, and until then - allow yourself a stop.

Perhaps this pause is needed in order to gain strength and start doing what is truly dear and important to your heart.

It happens…

The most turning points in my life and career happened when I accepted my powerlessness and paused. No plans, no work, no decisions.

From the rest point, I returned to psychological practice.

From a resting point, she decided to study systemic family psychotherapy

From the resting point came the long-awaited pregnancy and easy childbirth.

From a resting point, she changed the vector of business and created the Anti-goodness community.

Money came from the resting point.

I often see people get scared of stopping. How they scold themselves for periods of inactivity and lack of desire to do what is needed.

The prohibitions on pauses and stops are rooted in childhood. You can probably classify yourself as one of those children whose parents tried to occupy every free minute of yours with “useful activities”.

I myself am one of those children.

As a child, I really loved to lie on the bed with my legs up to the wall and dream about how I perform on stage in front of the audience. I imagined myself as a singer, sang songs and moved my legs along the wall, which created noise in the next parental room. Not strong, but still. Immediately my father came into the room and told me to do something useful. What exactly he did not specify, but meant some kind of socially useful activity, for example, cleaning.

And although in my time there was not yet such a large number of developmental centers, sections and fashion for tutors, but even this softening fact did not prevent the conviction from settling - “you should always be busy with something”.

Now I'm not afraid to stop. On the contrary, I observe myself with interest at the point of rest, because I know that in the end something very unusual will be born. Not a new version of the old one, but a radically different solution.

Does it guarantee me the result?

No.

There will be a path, there will be travelers, passes and lodging for the night. Ascent and descent from the mountain. Perhaps, having descended to the next plateau of life, I will see that I was going the wrong way. Of course, I will be upset, feel powerless, I will regret the lost time. It `s naturally. It’s not natural to keep going down a dead-end route, just not to face your hard feelings. I'd rather meet them now than later, when the only motivation is deep frustration. It is better to stop now than it is pointless to wander into the jungle of misunderstanding and lack of meaning in what and why I am doing.

The further into the forest, the thicker the jungle. Straight into depression.

Friends, do not be afraid to stop. Do not be afraid of doing nothing and pauses.

Nature itself shows us this natural cycle: life - peace - life. For a healthy baby to be born, you need to wait 9 months. If you force events, then life will not happen. For spring to come, you need to experience winter peace. To meet the dawn, you need to be able to wait out the darkest time of the day.

The fact that we are changing the vector of movement does not mean that we are unmotivated, weak or undisciplined. This suggests that life is not a frozen structure. It changes, we change together with it. Each new turn of life changes our horizons, opens up new horizons. We learn to notice new routes, we admire other goals. This is fine. Each new period of life sets before us new tasks of development, new spiritual goals and opportunities that we constantly discover in ourselves.

Friends, pause, listen to yourself. Your plans are not carved in stone - write them in the sand in order to timely hear the wind of change, which always seeks to break into the life of a truly passionate person. Perhaps it will turn out to be passing and will lead you to your goals in an easier way.

It happens….