Shades Of Fear Manifest

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

One of the frequent requests for psychotherapy in my practice is the fear of manifesting. This fear sounds in my clients as a huge cacophony of sounds - echoes of childhood traumas, and to many - invented and far-fetched.

The fear of being presented has a lot of shades and nuances. And each of them has its own reasons.

Behind the fear of being presented is very often shame, the fear of becoming visible to others in one's imperfection, and also the fear of shame, the fear of experiencing this feeling. To manifest is when my Self becomes visible, noticeable to others. And how you want to be perfect. From this fear - a direct path to perfectionism.

I am 8. Concert. I stand behind the scenes and secretly, wishing to remain unnoticed, I look out into the hall. It is complete. Slight tremors in my knees. How not to forget the sequence of movements? And all the transitions in the dance pattern? The entertainer has already announced our dance. But I don't remember what kind of dance our collective danced then. I was the smallest in stature, so I was the first in the line of dancers. That is, the first step of the entire dance collective is my step. Music sounded, I count 8 in my mind, take a deep breath and from my right foot - my step onto the stage …

I think that many in their lives have faced similar experiences, called the fear of manifesting. However, the devil is not so terrible if you call him by name. What is behind the fear of manifesting? What exactly am I afraid of?

Manifestation is always about the Self, which will become apparent to Others, noticeable, visible. And I really want to introduce myself and appear in front of Others as flawless. And this is no longer about fear as such, but about shame. About the feeling that will arise when I become a noticeable Other in my imperfection. And the fear that Others, seeing this, will appreciate or reject. However, we will never be able to know exactly what others think of us.

What would happen if the fear of going on stage became very big, huge? I would run away and let the whole team down. Fear stops movement. Without risking to manifest ourselves, we risk not taking place and not being realized. Without manifesting, we are invisible to Others. And if we are not visible to the Other, then there is no relationship with the Others.

We may not be to everyone's liking, and mistakes are possible too. Others may appreciate, criticize, devalue, ignore and reject us.

However, we always have freedom of choice.

Another shade of fear to manifest is misunderstanding, not knowing who I am, what am I? A common reason for clients' difficulty in answering these questions is the developmental double biases received from significant adults. Double bind is a concept that describes a communicative situation in which the subject receives mutually contradictory instructions belonging to different levels of communication. A classic example is the demand: "I order you not to obey my orders." Double bind is a contradictory communication, when in words we talk about love, and by behavior we broadcast indifference, sitting in a closed position - we report readiness for dialogue

An example of a double bind situation: a mother says to her child, "don't argue and don't let yourself be hurt." How does the child feel? That's right - confusion, he did not understand what he actually can and cannot.

Whether a person wants it or not, double bindings, to a greater or lesser extent, are always present in his life.

Paradoxical indications are more common in everyday life than people think. Therefore, their awareness is very important for the mental health of communication partners.

A person receives the first experience of double binds from their parents. When a child constantly receives such conflicting messages, he experiences the stress of not understanding. Most parents don't even know how many double binds they pass on to their child. Especially in the early days, during the period of total dependence on them. This information is fixed on a subconscious level and affects self-confidence.

One of the examples of double bindings in Russian literature is a letter from my mother to Rodion Raskolnikov in the novel by F. M. Dostoevsky's "Crime and Punishment", which explains the split in the soul of the protagonist and his path to crime. "Am I trembling creature or have I the right?" - very often it is with this question that clients turn to me.

To manifest or not is a choice. And mistakes can be corrected. And accept your imperfection.

If you are familiar with such experiences, I invite you to therapy. Assign to yourself the right to appear and be responsible for this right.

If the article turned out to be useful to you, you can subscribe and you will be aware of my new publications. I also wait for my face-to-face and online consultations.

You can sign up for a consultation by phone:

+380679805716 (Viber, Telegram, WatsApp)