2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
What is greed? What is the essence of this concept? What are the reasons for the occurrence? And what to do with greed if it bothers you?
Greed is an immoderate desire for possession or consumption. There is another definition that briefly and succinctly explains what greed is - it is hunger frightened by fear. A person once had a certain need, hunger, lack of something (for example, he did not eat enough), and now, when everything is in order, there is a feeling that at any moment the resource will become thinner, something will happen so catastrophically that he lose everything. That is why now I will be greedy and hold on to everything I have.
Quite often people “suffer” from greed, who, even having millions, still bring everything into the house, they have a pathological need to steal something. A simple example - successful businessmen pick up slippers, soap, shampoos, towels, toilet paper and even flowers from a pot in hotels in Turkey.
Greed does not always mean money, it often arises from food or is associated with the emotional sphere. Let's talk about situations where you feel confident that people around you expect you to share the conventionally candy, bagel, or bun. This situation happens in families when relatives eat from a plate; some people perceive such actions rather painfully ("You have the same on your plate!"), they are irritated by the behavior of loved ones. However, there is a twofold aspect here - the feeling of violation of boundaries in close relationships and it is rather difficult to understand exactly where this happened.
For emotional greed, phrases are characteristic - “I gave him everything, all of me! And what is he to me ?! Here, a lot is still tied to the fact that a person, in whose psyche greed lives, having shared his feelings with another, expects that in return he will definitely receive something. When there is no feeling of greed, we simply share with another person (from the excess of what we have ourselves - I know that tomorrow I will earn more, I will have new emotions, and I can share them again). If we are afraid that this resource will not be replenished in any way, we will keep everything to ourselves (we will not love, we will not show tenderness, gratitude, affection, praise, because in return we will not receive anything, which means that we will not have internal source for make-up).
Money is like a litmus test in terms of greed. In other words, this is when the greed "turns on" to leave a tip to the waiter, pay for some services a little more than usual, buy something for yourself (in the literal sense of this phrase, or buy something more expensive). In the latter case, it is rather auto-greed, and it is directed exclusively towards oneself (I do not give something to myself, I forbid, etc.).
Another rather interesting type of greed is that a person is afraid to overpay or even pay the official cost, which is slightly higher than the average. Relatively speaking, he will not go to a salon where hair styling costs 1000 UAH. (with an average cost of this service 300 hryvnyas), believing that here he is being deceived and trying to lure out more money. Such behavior is often associated with a person's firm belief that everyone around him wants to rob him, and this, in turn, is associated with a projection (that is, a person himself does not mind cheating someone, getting money just like that - in fact, there is such a need each of us, but it is expressed in varying degrees). The transfer of sensations directly depends on early growing up and lack of perception of oneself as a person, a person simply does not value himself - "I am important only because I have money, but because of this, everyone around wants to rob me …".
What is the difference between greed and frugality? Many people ask themselves this question and try to justify their behavior with exceptional frugality ("Now I will spend everything, and then what will I sit on? Where can I get the money later?"). There are several differences:
Internal aspect
You are not a greedy person, if you can afford to buy something more expensive, pay for services with interest, leave a tip to the waiter - that is, in certain situations you show generosity, but not always (here I will be more generous, but here it is better to keep the money - there are quite a few weighty factors, for example, the waiter behaved incorrectly and was rude).
Material moment - frugality is associated with the fact that you collect money for something more important and valuable
Relatively speaking, now I'd rather not buy this blouse for $ 30, but put this money in a piggy bank (down payment for an apartment, etc.). Yes, the amount is small, but in the end, this way I can save at least 1/1000 of the cost of my apartment! That is why I choose the second option, it is more important for me to realize this desire.
In this case, it is not about greed at all, but about frugality. Now I have to save a little to achieve a more important goal. And greed is directly related to impossibility - you pull 10 hryvnia for tea, and your hand trembles, everything inside resists ("No, I won't give you anything! I don't want to!"). This is an inner deep feeling that "I cannot give." If you, in principle, do not have some kind of prohibition on spending, then this is not greed, but savings. However, for a clearer understanding of what exactly your behavior is connected with, you need to look inside yourself and honestly admit if you have this prohibition.
What are the causes of greed?
Greed is formed at about the age of 2 years, when the child begins to separate himself well from the world - this is me, this is mom or dad, these are mom's things, these are dad's things, but these are mine. During this period, it is very important that the baby develops a clear understanding that he has his own toys with which he can do whatever he wants (throw away, break, throw away, etc.) - “This is my toy, and I I do what I want! " If the parent makes it clear in every possible way that the toy should lie in "this place", there is no need to break it, and indeed you are "ay-ay-ay how bad" because you broke a toy, the child will have a feeling against this background "Double bottom" ("This is mine, but for some reason I cannot dispose of this thing!"). As a result, greed and resentment arise ("This is mine, but still not mine!"). Having matured, a person does not want to share anything of his own - do not touch, I will not give you anything, even to the extent that I throw this money into the trash can!
The next reason is that parents begin to teach the child to share when he is not yet ready for it (at 2 years old, the baby is not particularly ready to give his toy to another, unless he played enough). The ability to share is formed by 3-4 years and only if no one forces the child to give something of their own. This age is characterized by the building of social contact when the baby goes to kindergarten. Relatively speaking, if he has 3 apples, he will probably share one. Why is that? The more something a child has (for example, 3-5 apples), the more likely they are to share at least one. At this age, the baby has to choose all the time - to share or not to share. However, the messages of society prevail - share your toy, that child over there also wants to play. At the same time, the child is constantly haunted by the question: “So, surely she will be returned? How does he play? Doesn't it break? Will it be returned exactly intact?"
If the family is large, the elders and the younger ones will always have difficulty with generosity. The elder is always forced to share with the younger, and the child may not be ready for this at all, especially if the age difference is less than 5 years. Often, in large families, babies have nothing of their own - no toys, no clothes (everyone is wearing clothes one after another, and toys are common). This attitude also leads to greed in adulthood. There is another important aspect here - the child does not have a feeling of satiety (he played enough with a toy, he has a lot of things, etc.). When there is a feeling "I have enough of everything, I could share," then the child has a desire to share.
The famous British psychoanalyst Melanie Klein developed the theory of greed in her book “Envy and Gratitude. Investigation of unconscious sources”. In her opinion, gratitude is directly related to greed, this is the flip side of greed. All psychoanalytic theories are tied to breastfeeding (if the child was not fed on time, the mother had little milk, etc.) at an early age, respectively, then the child rushes onto the mother's breast, wanting to absorb it all. This is exactly what greed looks like in adults (when something is missing for a long time, then you want to rush and eat everything). Now there are a large number of greedy people, and mainly this is the generation that grew up in Soviet times, when there was a large deficit in many ways. As a rule, all this leads to overeating, obesity, various health problems, but a person still cannot get enough, so he continues to drag home, steal, which is bad. Out of greed, we triple the junk accumulated at home - let there be more of everything, and if everything collapses tomorrow, I will not have a deficit in anything!
As for self-greed, the main reason for its occurrence is the similar behavior of mother, father, grandparents, who were greedy towards themselves, experiencing hunger or lack of something. Accordingly, they instilled in us such a model of behavior and attitude towards ourselves (relatively speaking, every time you see a beautiful thing in a store, a grandmother who survived the war “turns on” inside your consciousness - “You can't spend so much money on such trifles, child! Better go buy food - more sugar, buckwheat, because tomorrow there will be none of this. And if you spend money today, tomorrow there will be nothing left! ).
Emotional greed is directly related to the emotionally stingy mother figure. If the mother (or any other family member) was emotionally cold, did not get involved in your worries, she could not complain, cry, she could not be angry, being next to her, she seemed to extinguish your flame without responding to a call for attention (think drew a drawing, met a girl in a kindergarten, etc.). Due to the lack of emotional inclusion, love, care, attention in the vessel of love, you have only a few drops, and every time you give a part to someone, you recalculate your dividends (fell - did not fall, etc.).
What to do? Necessarily - therapy! Psychotherapy heals a lot, especially emotional greed. It is, of course, also possible that you will find a friend or girlfriend with whom you have a borderline relationship (in the depths of your consciousness you realize that this person is not obliged to give you anything, to share something, to love and support), then thanks in return there will be more. Directly in a partnership, there is a high probability that you will get into the projection and go deep into the bottomless bottom (conditionally, you, like a black hole, will be given and given by a partner, but the feeling of saturation will never arise), so here inside yourself you need to try to understand that now "everything that is done happens only for me, and no one demands anything in return." It is for the same reason that psychotherapy is perceived emotionally easier by a person. You can be angry with the therapist for a year, two, five, although he treats you with warmth and attention; you can devalue his attitude, but sooner or later the realization will come that this is all done for you and not with malice.
If greed is not at the extreme level and does not bother so much, find an area in your life where there is excess or at least saturation (and it really is!). It can be a resource of energy (you have a lot of strength, you have time to do everything, spin "like a squirrel in a wheel"), time (in this case, you can help, support, take care of a loved one), finance (this resource is quite relative - for Someone you are a poor person, but for someone you are rich). If you have chosen a financial resource, try to cultivate the generosity of your soul through charity (give the granny on the street 5 hryvnias, but do it consciously).
At one of the sessions, the client told the situation of how she taught her sister to share - she collected a huge bag of sweets, having spent more than one day, and maybe a month or two on it, and brought it to her sister. In Soviet times, sweets were in short supply, so the girl was simply confused and did not know what to do with all this. For several days she thought about her decision, and then brought the client candy in return - she shared. The decision was deliberate and deliberate, no one forced her to do it - the person gave because he had a lot. So, the main recommendation is to share on the sly. Here we are not talking at all about a generosity of a million, just understand for yourself how even a small amount of money in your wallet will change your life (hryvnia, two, five). No way! So if you want to develop generosity, start small - go and share with someone.
Sharing without expecting anything in return is very enjoyable. It gives a sense of awareness and maturity. And allow yourself to buy something more expensive at least occasionally. Start with yourself, because if you are generous, you can share with others when you feel full!
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