Signs Of Low Self-esteem In Women

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

In fact, today this topic is quite burning. What are the signs that you can understand that a woman has low self-esteem?

The first and most basic criterion is that in most cases a woman does not know what exactly she wants (finding herself in a new situation, communicating with other people, etc.), or notices (but already after the fact!) That she is fulfilling someone's wishes that are radically different from her. Of course, sometimes we all do not know what we want, especially if it relates to something new, but in the context of the topic we are talking about most of the cases.

The next sign is that you do not allow yourself to defend and fight for your desires and ideas. How does it look in practice? Having indicated for yourself what exactly you want, you, nevertheless, cannot tell your companion (friend / girlfriend): “No, I do not want to go there and do it! Let's do it like this! " or "Don't do this to me!" Why is this happening? The thing is that inside the psyche there is no "permission" to allow yourself to fight for your desires.

The third criterion is that a woman does not allow herself to be herself. Hearing the opinion of others that it is “bad” to live like this, it is “bad” to want to (for example, not getting married and not having children under 30, earning indecently as a woman, wanting something from a man is “bad” and unacceptable in society), she simply closes in herself and constant boundaries. All these messages depend directly on the environment and the circle of the family, they can be voiced or not - that is, on a subconscious level, a woman understands what is expected of her (for example, successfully marry and have children, become successful and build a dizzying career). As a result, she does not give herself the moral right to be herself (“Okay! If you want something from me, this is your right, but I want something completely different from my life!”) And goes “on about” the desires of others.

So, in fact, we are returning to the main criterion - a woman does not know what exactly she wants from her life. In fact, all the criteria for low self-esteem are closely related. As a rule, when we know what we want, give ourselves the moral right to “want” and defend our desires, the third criterion (allowing ourselves to be ourselves) does not arise.

How does low self-esteem manifest, inability to listen and defend oneself, "inadmissibility" to be yourself?

1. A person does not hear his intuition. For example, intuition suggests: “Better not to go there! You shouldn't do that! But succumbing to the persuasion of a friend / girlfriend, a person continues to follow other people's desires, although an unpleasant scratching feeling arises in his soul. Here it is worth remembering a simple truth - individuals who cannot tell others “No, I don’t want to do that!” Are often used by people for their own purposes. The whole problem is that, due to low self-esteem, such a person allows such an attitude towards himself, does not defend his boundaries, beliefs and respect for his personality.

2. You very often hide your real feelings from others - you do not allow yourself to get angry, ashamed, admitting publicly felt shame or guilt for certain actions, or experience fear. How does it look in practice? A person does not have “permission” inside the consciousness to be himself and be offended (offended), respectively, she (he) cannot say: “Now you offended me!”.

As a rule, this behavior is directly related to the fact that emotions are hidden from themselves. As a result, others can do whatever they want with you. Alas, but quite often, having experienced and understood the origins of guilt, a person, instead of accepting this guilt and saying "No!", Yields to outside control. As a result, he can be manipulated like a puppet.

3. A person often tries to please others. In reality, the situation is pathological and is associated with the fact that from childhood such a person is sharpened to please everyone. The reason is simple - a narcissistic trauma received in childhood from narcissistic parents, so a person is used to being good, necessary and correct in society, to do exclusively what others expect of him.

The second option - you often do what you don’t like, waste time on what you don’t really want (for example, you choose the wrong profession, the wrong environment and friends with whom you are uncomfortable), but nevertheless for some reason continue to do so.

4. Women with low self-esteem "get stuck" in relationships that do not satisfy them (the man does not work, and the woman actually supports him and her three children).

5. Women are addicted to self-criticism. In practice, it looks like this. Coming from a party or some meeting, they begin to carefully analyze their behavior: “It was better not to say that word or phrase to me, but in that situation it was not worth looking at that person at all … I wonder what they thought of me after my words ? Probably, now they will decide that I am not normal … . Such thoughts can take a day, two, a week, and sometimes even a month.

6. Postponing success for later is also evidence of low self-esteem. Often this is precisely what is associated with "self-examination" and excessive self-criticism - you constantly think that something could have been done better, that others will condemn you. As a rule, a person condemns himself for certain actions, and those around him have forgotten about everything a long time ago.

However, in order to achieve success, you need to prove yourself to some extent (take a step towards your goals, declare yourself to the world as a person), but the problem is that in the end all this will lead to self-criticism, and the person will withdraw into himself and "blown away" …

7. Fear of judgment from others. It is very important for people with low self-esteem to know what others think of them, what they say about their actions behind their backs, etc. Over time, this becomes paramount, even more important than their own life. A person wants so much to be thought well of him that it would be better for him not to do anything, stay at home, just in case he won’t show himself in any way - in general, he will do everything so that he is not condemned in the end.

8. You are in a hurry to judge other people yourself. In some situations, people do not even notice this behavior on their part. However, if you control this moment, you will notice that such thoughts arise: “Ugh! What a nasty person! How could he do that? And in general, what a stupid awkward situation, how could you get into it? " Thus, with a more careful analysis of one's behavior and the situation as a whole, it can be noted that a "trail of negativity" is imposed on the people around (on their words and actions).

What is noteworthy in the context of this subparagraph? If people often judge others, it means that they are judging themselves in the first place. And worst of all - usually only 10% of the negativity spills out. At the same time, the person himself is also not very good from the realization that he condemns everyone around him, as if he has no one to rely on. At the same time, with all his behavior, such a person says: “Give me someone more pleasant in communication, provide an idealized object. This is the only way I can develop and become better! This is a kind of need for people with low self-esteem, which is directly related to the shame they experience. As a rule, shame is formed from 3 to 5 years old. During this period, the child needs to idealize his parents (they must a priori do everything in the best way). If there was a problem, and the parent did not cope, or the person himself could not survive his frustration, over time this will transform into low self-esteem.

9. A woman does not know how to do anything, is shy and afraid to talk about her desires and needs. Even when a man asks, “Darling, where do you want to go? How can we best spend this day?”, The woman may mumble something in response (for example,“Well … I don't know! where do you want? ).

Sometimes it happens that she understands what she wants, but she cannot voice her desires aloud - it is so uncomfortable and even scary, as if she would be inflicted with a terrible wound. What is the result of this behavior? A girl / woman feels so uncomfortable and uncomfortable that she does not allow paying for herself in a restaurant / cafe, etc. Relatively speaking, she feels like a mediocre person - why pay for an ordinary person? Usually her actions are veiled by her own self-sufficiency - "I can do everything myself!" If you conduct a deep psychological analysis, in the depths of your consciousness you can find a clear fear of dependence on another person, associated with an infringed sense of self-confidence and success.

Another important nuance - as a rule, a girl / woman with low self-esteem is deeply convinced that a man's love must be earned, and indeed, in order to be loved, something must be done. As a result, she does everything - cooks, cleans up, does laundry, works two jobs and fulfills all the claims of her beloved. The situation given as an example is deep enough, even catastrophic. There may be a reverse option - the girl thinks that her partner wants her feminine behavior, and although this is contrary to her nature, she will try to provide him with the opportunity to care for her, despite her choleric temperament. It is important to understand here - if this is not typical for you, you are sick of gallantry, this is directly related to low self-esteem.

How to deal with all this?

1. First, put on the most beautiful dress, find the image that you really like, and stand in front of the mirror. Then you need to constantly repeat to yourself: "I am the most beautiful!".

2. Carefully analyze each of the listed sub-points, transferring them to your life (week - one, second - second, etc.). Track your behavior (Perhaps in this situation I allow myself to be used by others?

Do I understand exactly what I want now? Maybe I am resisting success? Am I afraid of what they will think of me now?). In an amicable way, you need to work on each sub-item for at least a month.

3. Work to defend your boundaries, try to understand what exactly you want. Allow yourself to be yourself - imperfect (with difficulties in character, with any flaws, etc.). It doesn't matter what kind of person, the main thing is to accept yourself (everyone is worthy to live on earth and take what he wants from life).

4. Learn how to protect your boundaries, defend your "I", show aggression (in a healthy sense).

5. Attend counseling sessions with a psychotherapist - with low self-esteem, support and support is very important, you need a resource that you can rely on at any time.