2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
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LATE is just a way of expressing latent aggression towards someone you are late for
Being late, not coming at all or “for a good reason”, coming two hours later or at the end of the whole event is one of the ways to present your aggression. Only not directly, not openly, but in a hidden, veiled way.
People are waiting, angry, worried, wasting their time, are in limbo, everyone has their nerves at their limit, they are counting on you … You disrupt meetings, negotiations, are late for your best friend's birthday, show up at the end of the event. And when you come, present a "good reason" - a traffic jam, a sick child, an urgent work that has unexpectedly fallen down, a broken nail, or "I just forgot."
Those to whom you are late want to kill you. And the latecomer innocently claps his eyes, laments and nods at the imperfection of the world and his inability to get there, to get there on time. And he is very offended when he is rightly accused of being late. “This is not me, this is the world. I wanted to, but I couldn't."
Here it is hidden aggression - a person makes nasty things, some kind of aggressive attack, but does not take responsibility for it.
And often he sincerely does not understand what is happening. He tries, gets ready, does everything possible, but the space is organized in such a way that cars break down, the Internet is turned off, computers freeze, children get sick, bosses call, clients go crazy and everything possible happens that you just can't get there, arrive on time or at all.
as if the whole world is against … in fact it is not the world against, but me
The first stage is to return your real feelings to the subject of your lateness into the zone of awareness. Not the ones that you want to experience, but the ones that you actually experience.
It could be fear.
“I don’t want to come because I’m afraid. What I'm afraid is the tenth thing. You never know what, but I'm afraid."
Anxiety.
"I don't like all this …"
Anger.
“They are all assholes and goats. It is necessary to go, but only idiots have gathered …"
Contempt.
"Nothing, they will wait … Tea, not gentlemen …"
Envy.
"Well, again they will sit there so smart, successful, successful.. And I will feel like a fool …"
Loss of meaning.
“It's really just a waste of time. A completely pointless formal meeting. For check. You have to go, but what nonsense to go there!"
Magically, when awareness occurs, the clouds dissipate and the world is no longer intrigued. You can acknowledge your real feelings and choose whether to walk or not. If you walk, then on what conditions. Taking responsibility back works wonders.
this does not mean that everything is under control, and there is no force majeure in life. it happens. but if being late for you is the norm of life, then this is no longer force majeure, but your way of interacting with the world and people
For which you read your worries, embarrassment, fears, envy, fears, contempt and shame. There is a lot of hidden aggression in this method. You can guess about it not only by your feelings, if you are frank with yourself, but also by the reaction of the people around you.
Usually people are very unhappy when someone does not fulfill obligations, violates time limits, ruins their plans. And even if they try not to show it to you, you feel it.
Time is a certain border that a person will define for himself, and violation of this border is perceived as barbarism, vandalism, invasion and destruction, violation of my rules, conditions, borders, agreements. Destruction of my world, violation of my laws and external conditions.
Violation of time boundaries, as well as violation of any other boundaries of the personality - spatial and physical, gives rise to reciprocal aggression. The need for boundaries is one of the basic, meta-needs of a person. These are human needs that are always there and do not depend on anything.
Other meta-needs include the need for security, intimacy, and interaction.
This means that if you endanger, for example, a person's financial security - do not fulfill obligations, violate agreements, do not pay bills, then they will be very angry with you.
One of the ways of hidden aggression is not to repay debts or not to pay what is in your responsibility to pay.
being in time, as well as being in contact with your obligations, means taking back responsibility for your actions and decisions. regain adulthood and freedom. to get out of the role of a “victim of circumstances” and a child who cannot but go to school, therefore lies, skips and is sick
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