2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The specific forms of upbringing that are responsible for the described types of responses are determined by the styles of the parents' behavior. Within the various possibilities for fulfilling a certain role in the family, there are various types of mothers and fathers, caricatured in their extreme expression. In practice, these types often overlap.
Different types of mothers
Professional mother. This mother exists primarily for children. She brews, cleans, keeps everything in perfect
okay.
The doll's mother. This mother's love extends only to young children. She loves and cares for her children while they are small and helpless. As soon as the children grow up, the mother deprives them of her intimacy. She pulls away from them.
The mother is the victim. This mother brings up her children very carefully. She attaches great importance to being a good housewife. She sacrifices her freedom and her time and does not think about herself. In her self-sacrifice, she is happy and disdainful of her own interests. Later, the need for gratitude from the children develops.
A very careful mother. She tries to remove all difficulties and dangers from the path of children. She sees bad, dangerous in literally everything and is overly worried.
Someone else's mother. This mother does not show her children that she loves them. She conserves her love. She often kisses children on the sly when they sleep. Her parenting style is precise and perfected.
A walking bookcase. This mother views the upbringing of her child as her duty. She brings up according to plan and according to books, she is super accurate, but she lacks natural intimacy and love.
Jealous mother. When children begin to move away from the parental home and become independent, this type of mother begins to lose her calm. She begins to seem unnecessary to herself and reproaches children for ingratitude. In order to maintain her dominant position, she continues to criticize her children when they have grown up a long time ago. She controls the clothes, appearance, friends and household of her children.
Mother friend. A companion of his children, the complete opposite of "someone else's mother." She delves into the needs of children, identifies with them and cannot say no to them. She postpones upbringing "for later".
Temporary mother. Because of the professional activity and other occupations of the mother, the upbringing of children is neglected. The temporary mother tries to compensate for this when she comes home in the evening. She showers children with caresses and toys.
In our experience, all these types of mothers, in turn, are the result of different situations and styles of their own upbringing. So, different types of mothers can be correlated with three forms of upbringing, namely:
■ upbringing with an exaggerated emphasis on secondary abilities - the type of a walking bookcase, someone else's mother;
■ naive primary upbringing - types of professional, doll mother, victim mother, super careful mother;
■ dual upbringing - a temporary mother, a jealous mother, a mother-friend.
Different types of fathers
Angel of patience. The naive father moves away from the problems of his children, but takes care of them and shows emotional closeness.
Theorist. His forte is words, deeds are not for him. He educates in the spirit of theory. He pays little attention to the uniqueness of the child's personality.
Stubborn father. His children should work, not play. He wants them to achieve something and be successful. His upbringing is determined to achieve. The stubborn father decides for himself what the child should do, what he should not do, and does not leave the child either freedom or time for activities of his choice.
Dictator. He is not raising children, but soldiers. His strict discipline requires unquestioning obedience; he vigorously implements order, diligence and punctuality. He is often kind at heart, but he does not know how to combine severity and gentleness in upbringing. The dictatorial father makes sure that his orders are followed exactly, but leaves the children
some leeway.
Wizard. He gives children complete freedom and allows them everything, if it is convenient for him. Children look at him as a playmate, while mothers in this position of a father
you have to suffer a lot.
Sovereign. He treats children like adults. He does not praise or blame them. He believes that he can bring up children by his presence alone and that he is fulfilling his duty as an educator, being with the children in the role of a "silent servant."
Different types of fatherhood can also be reduced to three forms of upbringing boys: an exaggerated emphasis on secondary abilities - "theorist", "dictator", "stubborn father"; naive primary education - "angel of patience"; dual education - "magician", "sovereign".
Perhaps most parents have a dual upbringing in the past, but fathers in their role are more prone to exaggerated emphasis on secondary abilities.
Overestimation of primary abilities is more characteristic, in our opinion, for the role of the mother.
Parent types are essentially abstract generalizations of common traits. The reality is much more varied. Here, to a lesser extent, one can find pure forms, much more mixed forms of various degrees of importance.
A significant difference between the typical positions and styles of behavior we have named from most of the typologies described in the psychological literature is that we associate psychological types with the conditions for their occurrence. Physical constitution and disposition play a secondary role here. Thus, each form of upbringing, each parental role is not predetermined by fate, but can change over time.
The types of responses described above, as well as the types of mothers and fathers, include most of the people with whom we come across in our psychotherapeutic practice, dealing with the corresponding disorders.
The forms of upbringing and their consequences in the categories of actual abilities can be defined as follows.
Naive Primary Type: Exaggerated emphasis on primary abilities while underestimating secondary abilities.
Secondary type: exaggerated emphasis on secondary abilities while underestimating primary abilities
Dual type: primary and secondary abilities are inconsistently emphasized by one or more educators.
Pezeshkian N. "Psychotherapy of Everyday Life: Conflict Resolution Training".
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