2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43
The more initiative women delve into all spheres of the life of their "hero", the less heroism remains in the hero, since the place for heroic deeds disappears.… And if from your enthusiasm there is "happiness" in the relationship, then your man is a real Hero and this article is not for you (you can not read further).
If a woman is tired, disappointed and upset that a man has stopped developing (does nothing and does not want to), then let's talk together
When she has already “wanted” everything for both and only she alone “knows” how everything should be right, then energy leaves the relationship and both “go out” - she is from exhaustion, and he is from lack of room for his own growth in the relationship. A man may not have enough momentum in his guided direction, which may be alien to the Woman's version of a joint relationship. In this case, development stops and "life" leaves the union and one of them begins to think about how to get rid of "dead body of marriage".
When a woman begins to rescue, nurse and guide a man, she deprives him of the necessary conditions for growth.
What is development, and what are the necessary and sufficient conditions for development to happen?
The academic formulation from a textbook on developmental psychology says that a necessary and sufficient condition for DEVELOPMENT is the presence of contradictions between desires and possibilities. If you deprive a person of this condition, then his development will stop. This applies to children and adults as well as men and women.
This formula contains two aspects: desires and contradictions
1. The presence of desires is a necessary condition for "being included in life."
2. It is the presence of contradictions between the desire and the abilities necessary for the possession of the desired that creates a situation that calls for growth and development.
Desire causes the necessary energy, and in the case when there are no desires, then there is no energy. Desires are like celebrating life. Without desires, there is nothing and nothing to celebrate.
There are individuals whose desires were suppressed, ignored, or heavily corrected by significant adults as early as childhood. It is often very difficult for such people to find themselves in the life they dream about. Without a conscious study of their needs, without painstaking work on healing the "wrinkles of the soul" and rehabilitation of their own desires, happiness does not shine. Please do not confuse individual desires and preferences with generally accepted social scenarios of a "successful person".
The criterion for how to distinguish social programs from your own desires is very simple:the presence of the energy of enthusiasm.
There is no enthusiasm, which is simply necessary, like air to overcome the abyss separating a person and his dream - it means that this is not it - not yours. Desire can be of different scales and not necessarily global. Rather, on the contrary, the study of one's own desires begins, just on the example of simple needs, which can even be called whims and whims, it is the observation of one's own everyday behavior and the satisfaction of these "little things of life" that accelerates one's energy of desires.
Symbolically, it is possible to build a line of 5 growth archetypes according to the degree of "neglect of personality":
VICTIM - FAILED - ADVENTURIST - HERO - WINNER
In this article, we will only talk about those people who still cannot grow up to the level of "Hero" and their guardians who do them a "disservice".
The harmfulness of hyper-care is very clearly illustrated by the situation of male / female relations, where a woman undertakes to save and help her man in a masculine way. Masculine, here it means guiding and teaching: how, where and how much. The masculine way is very specific and clearly "knowing" how it should be. At the same time, at work (in social implementation) - this makes it just effective!
A woman can help both in a masculine way and in a feminine way. It can be authentic and whatever you like, this is the flexibility of its nature. She can do anything, for that she is a woman, this is a popular popular saying - "what a woman wants, God wants":)
However, in a relationship with a man it will be effective only when he agrees and is ready to LEARN from her. In this case, it is good when personal relationships are excluded, because students grow up and leave. If a woman understands this and is ready for the fact that a man will leave her when he is mature, then there is no problem. When she realizes that parting is inevitable, then for her there will be no pain in it. On the contrary, his departure will be an indicator of his growing up. But as a rule, a woman is not ready to be a mentor on such conditions.
A woman, as a rule, wants "to eat a fish and not choke on a bone." This is a trap for ambitious, muscular women. Why muscular ?! Yes, because - permission, trust and all-acceptance, which are characteristic of feminine (feminine) women, are not their "strong point".
Consider options for relationships with ambitious women. It should be noted that ambition and competitiveness are the qualities of our muscular (male) side of the psyche. And if from this state a woman builds not only a career, but her personal life, then happiness (that which is female) does not happen.
Three types of relationships where a woman is ambitiously larger than her partner:
Man - VICTIM / Woman - CONTROLLING MOTHER
HE plays the game "Everything is bad", while the word "everything" can be decomposed into the components of the picture of the world: I am bad / YOU are bad / WORLD is bad.
SHE is fighting to refute his distrust of life, trying her best to show by her example that in her face the world is good and kind. The world is the way he wants to see it and she is able to appreciate HIS talents. She is ready to serve him with faith and truth, with good behavior to encourage him to activity and creativity.
ILLUSION of her is that she is his MUSE
The way out is in the search for the polarity / opposition of the qualities of the image of the Muse-Fairy. It is good to periodically realize that BEAUTIFUL MUSE is not its only truth. That there are other not only positive emotions in it: anger, anger, irritation (honest emotions of dissatisfaction with the situation). These emotions awaken a man and call for growth, unless he is, of course, determined to parasitize. If he is tuned in to "ah, go away, old lady! I'm in sorrow," then you should understand this as early as possible, if a woman's own life time matters.
Man - ADVENTURIST (Orphan) / Woman - "YOUR GUY TO THE BOARD"
HE plays the game "joint work for my benefit - unites" and his self-esteem is already really high, but unstable. HE feels like an orphan who must be helped. This can be decomposed into the components of the picture of the world: I am good / WORLD is good / YOU are bad.
She, his fighting friend, is ready to be his brother and partner, investing time and money in him. At the same time, secretly hoping that when he becomes a Hero, he will bring all the results of his victory to her feet, come to her as a Winner, not as a partner, but as a woman. But after becoming a Hero, he often brings his "gifts" to less businesslike and more feminine women.
Her ILLUSION is that she is KIND to him (like a sister / brother), and she does not betray her relatives
EXIT in the realization that "no one owes anything to anyone." If we are talking about personal relationships, then do only what I would do as a gift, knowing that there will be no gratitude and return. To respect his freedom and self-sufficiency, more than a duty to her.
THE EXIT, I call it here, is the creation of conditions for the EXIT of relations into a new quality to the next step of the VICTIM-REJECTED - ADVENTURIST - HERO - WINNER.
And remember, no one, neither man nor woman, can force, force, manipulate others without negative consequences for themselves. Only the person himself decides how he will dispose of his life. Even with all your good intentions, you cannot deprive a person of contact with their destiny.
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