IS IT POSSIBLE TO END YOUR EMOTIONAL HUNGER?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I have already written that everyone carries within themselves their need, their own hunger, which is formed as a result of the systematic and prolonged abandonment of a vulnerable child without critically important emotional food

as a result, a person does not know how to feed himself, and does not know how to use a variety of food sources

To put it metaphorically, a person who has not received breast milk will yearn for it, not being able to assimilate and generally recognize other types of food as edible.

In other words, it will not appreciate or notice a single opportunity that life provides, being internally focused exclusively on what is lacking.

And he will wait for the person who will provide him with this necessary food.

There is nothing shameful or terrible in this, it is a great tragedy, although most people are very embarrassed about their deficit - either on their own or as a result of imposed shame (it is a shame to be weak, needy and unable to cope).

When your vulnerability is squeezed into the back of your self-awareness

this is the worst state of affairs

For feeding yourself without realizing (or embarrassed) that you are hungry becomes an almost impossible task.

On the contrary, the majority succeed in trying to hide all the signs of their emotional need, and they themselves suffer from it, and they also harass their loved ones in the unconscious hope of making up for the deficit.

Therefore, only awareness, a close look at your need

and the history of its formation gives at least some chance to consider it, find your own pain points, and first try to protect them in new, more adult ways, And later, recognizing both need and vulnerability, Agree to nourish them.

As a result of long-term work, awareness, you can come to a point where need will no longer "rule" all actions and deeds, forcing you to run away from relationships with people, or persistently demand that these people feed your inner Child with breast milk.

In my personal opinion, for this to happen, the experience of several partnerships, carried out in analysis, in therapy, is necessary in order to get out of the co-dependence so characteristic of our mentality today.

So, if we begin to pay attention to our emotional dependence on a partner - at either pole: is it important to receive something from him, or is it important that he leave alone,

and if both are associated with strong feelings of fear, shame or guilt, then the first step towards freedom has already been taken.

It is worth noting here that everyone's need is localized in some own zone of particular importance, and this is always a zone of injury.

It is extremely important for some to feel caring: to hear such questions, to observe such actions in relation to themselves that will convince them that they want to be taken care of, and, therefore, are loved.

"How are you?", "What's wrong with you?", "Why are you sad?";

they yearn for elementary attention, and therefore easily "fall" on the appropriate strategy of the partner, even if he once asked, showed concern.

For others it is important that they pay attention to them, notice the beauty (uniqueness), and expressed it with the words: "I have never met such a beautiful (unique) woman."

Such people were taught that there is nothing special about them, they are like everyone else or even worse than others.

Still others need to acknowledge their efforts: "You do so much for us, we are so grateful to you."

These people were often used as free labor, without noticing children's efforts, the desire to please an intolerant parent, or devalued the efforts in another savage way …

There are many options for pinpoint strikes on the image, on the feeling of being valuable;

there are people who are a continuous wound, a bloody mess, it is especially difficult for them not to fall into "unearthly love" or agree to go out to meet at least some kind of relationship.

Expectations of what was not received are too great

it hurts too much to get another blow to the old wound …

Awareness of my deficiency helps to understand: it depends only on me whether I can

Free yourself from the damned legacy or

I will remain forever in a prison of fear and expectation.

Nothing is particularly encouraging along the way:

nor the disappearance of rose-colored glasses from his past, nor the need to touch your wound, experiencing pain and suffering, nor approaching the realization of their vulnerability and their limitations …

Only a thirst for liberation and a strong desire to finally become yourself

can support the one who ventured to choose this very unpopular for many, a very difficult road.

Simultaneously with the awareness of your hunger and how it is localized, you begin to see an acute dependence on how a particular person feeds you (if we are talking about relationships).

… I want him to love me, Cared - he

Recognized the value - only he, Let go, left alone - he …

Only then will I feel important, loved, significant, needed, Only then will I feel the joy of life.

… How long do you need to stay at this point in therapy? How many months;

How many words of resentment and anger should be expressed, how many tears of longing and loneliness shed?

Again: the more wounds on your soul, the longer

And there's nothing you can do about it, cry and move on.

You will remember how often you were left alone - without support, without help, how much you were deprived of love, and you will clearly see the relationship: how everything repeats itself - now, in the present.

You will see how you yourself continue to lynch yourself, leaving you hungry, and hope for outward compassion.

…….

- I can not go on. I'm terribly tired.

- What are you tired of?

- I'm tired of answering for everyone. I need to take care of everyone, organize everyone, I am tormented by guilt when I “do nothing”. And even more so, I cannot deny my relatives a single request. I cannot bear my own guilt, which then arises.

- And when in such cases do you respect yourself?

- When I did everything that was planned, when I was able to help all my relatives.

- And what else can you respect?

- (Through tears) There is nothing to respect me for! There is nothing more valuable in me …

… She finds nothing valuable in herself, recognizing only her functionality …

She does not believe that she can be appreciated for anything else.

And also she, and also he … Many of us.

… She expects that all those in need of her, whom she, according to the child's scenario, “closed” on herself, will one day leave her alone, live with their own lives, and set her free.

And she will receive the right to her life - without guilt.

…..

They will not be released. They don't. They won't.

You will have to win your rights - from your own fear, guilt and shame.

Any conquered right:

the right to “I don’t want”, the right to "I can not", the right to the significance of their experiences, the right to one's own choice, etc., pulls you out of the clutches of addiction, adding stability to your inner Adult, who will support your Child in his need.

…..

All who have experienced this experience of internal revolution say:

…It was very scary. It is scary that they will be rejected, they will not understand.

It's scary to lose loved ones who will see that you are not so good.

It was deathly scary, and at the same time I felt euphoria - that I had finally insisted on my own."

… Finally, I agreed with my need.

She said what she thought, and not what they wanted to hear; showed her feelings, no matter how ridiculous they may seem to others; insisted on her decision, no matter how they opposed him …

This is how we satisfy her - our need - by acting in accordance with our desires, in accordance with its inner subjectivity, its truth, whatever it is.

Respecting yourself, appropriating your dignity - just like that, and nothing else.

Acting in accordance with ourselves and our needs is how we feed ourselves.

At this point, we are already able to calm the "remaining" deficit -

in an emotional connection with another, close person;

Calm down so much that he no longer steers, does not run "in front of the locomotive", choosing exactly the one who is able to give and is able to give what is needed.

As we are chosen by the one who needs what we give, and not what we are unable to give.

….

… At some point, your need stops running ahead of you, you have the ability to wait, even hold it back a little and calm it down.

Your inner Child is convinced that they can take care of him, be on his side, the Inner kind parent seems to say:

“I promise I will feed you. Let's take a little look around, wait, see.

Perhaps this food is not good for us."

Now you no longer need others to heal spiritual wounds; knowing how to feed yourself, you know exactly what you can give and what you want to take.