Now Everything Will Be Different Is It Worth Forgiving Betrayal?

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

Where does infidelity come from - psychological debriefing

Whatever you worry, and no matter what words you call your partner, you need to understand one thing - any betrayal has reasons - deep unresolved children's issues and conventional needs. Often when we go to cheat, we thus try to satisfy our need for intimacy through the establishment of sexual contact and strong flirting.

And vice versa, when it is difficult for us to be in closeness, we try to run away from it and cheat on our partner. In psychology, this is called counterdependence - when you really want intimacy, on the one hand, but, on the other, there is a fear of being absorbed by a partner. When a child is not given enough freedom and is controlled too much as a child, he may grow up to be cheating.

The second deepest reason is the chaotic presence of parents in the child's life and their unpredictable absence, which has always been painful. When intimacy for a person is associated with these traumatic memories and negative feelings, he chooses to run away from her through leaving or cheating on the main partner, so as not to experience pain.

A man who was very controlled and depressed by his mother as a child will choose similarly oppressive, hyper caring women. Over time, he has no space left and he will try to break out of this control. On his woman, he plays out those scenarios that he could not solve with his mother in childhood.

For women, cheating can be a way to get the love they didn’t receive as a child from their father. When they have sexual intercourse with a man, for them it is a manifestation of care and love. Such girls will very often cheat, because they will seek more and more of this love, but they will never be able to get enough.

“Infidelity is when you have nothing to say to your husband because everything has already been said to the other.”

Françoise Sagan

Domestic reasons for betrayal are about the fact that "we always lack something." For a woman, this is the understanding that she is interesting and that she is taken care of. If she receives little from her man and her need is not satisfied, she will look for care and interest in herself on the side.

In men, cheating "out of interest" in women is more common. When a woman is already well known and there is nothing new in her, boredom sets in and there is a feeling of losing her masculinity in dealing with the opposite sex. By finding objects for betrayal, men can confirm and realize their interest, win.

When there is a lot of tension in the relationship, constant scandals and quarrels and one of the partners cannot withstand this, he will look for other relationships where he can stay in peace. In any relationship, there are not only needs, but also aggression (in a good sense of the word). Both should remain in the relationship between partners. If in a couple it is not customary to declare themselves, to discuss their desires and needs, to defend their boundaries, to return aggression, then betrayal is simply inevitable, since one of the partners will "carry away" all this aside.

Who is to blame and what to do?

Popular omen - if the value of the relationship itself for one of the partners is very low, expect treason. In this case, if any of the described reasons are even slightly present, your partner is unlikely to think about the consequences for the relationship. And this is a reason to think about whether it is worth staying in a relationship with someone who definitely does not appreciate you.

If you are considering forgiving and forgetting, make sure your partner does not have a low moral standard. Immoral behavior is characteristic of narcissists or sociopaths, they use the other person without thinking about his feelings. Even with the slightest desire to diversify their sex life, they go “to the left”.

Cheating has not only a negative connotation, but sometimes also has advantages for a relationship. When a third person appears in a couple, aggression or repressed needs can be carried out of the relationship. In this case, the one who cheats has the missing completeness and this can freeze problems in the relationship, but only if the partners value each other very much. But the key word here is "freeze" and this is the other side of the coin. The presence of a third in a pair is not a solution to the problem, but rather a suspension of the state. Even if one of the partners has learned to satisfy his needs or to throw out aggression “on the side” and the relationship still continues, sooner or later the structure will still fall apart.

The second relatively positive consequence of cheating may be a revaluation of the relationship. This is a chance to understand what's wrong with the relationship, or why the relationship isn't right for you anymore. Reappraising can help rebuild relationships and make them better. Having tried something on the side, the one who changed can make sure that his partner is still better. Be that as it may, the disadvantages of cheating in a pair are much more. And very important is the betrayal of a partner. In relationships, people trust each other with their boundaries and when they are so grossly violated, it always hurts. Relationships stop developing harmoniously, and seem to start to rot. This is easy to explain - while the relationship is on the side only at the stage of rare meetings, the lover or mistress seems to us wonderful and the relationship with them too. And his partner, who has already become boring and inattentive, receives more and more disadvantages at his expense. This is all an illusion, because in such a situation it is impossible to objectively assess which relationship is more correct for us.

So, if you are thinking about continuing the relationship after infidelity, you need to answer yourself a few questions:

• What's missing in a relationship? What do you or your partner want besides sex in a new relationship?
• Is there too much in a relationship? What are you trying to run away from?
• If you forgive cheating on your partner, can you really do it to the end? Do you solve this problem once, or will you come back to it?

By answering these questions, you will find out what you can get from your partner, what you can give him in this situation. You will understand what actions are required to get what you lacked so much or to remove the excess from your pair.

Yes, cheating is painful, insulting. Think and answer yourself honestly - how valuable is your relationship with him? Then you will understand if you can continue to be together. Even if you do break up, this is also a movement forward and development.