Liz Burbo: A Man Can't Get Well Without Forgiving Oneself

2024 Author: Harry Day | [email protected]. Last modified: 2023-12-17 15:43

I want to reiterate that a person cannot get well without forgiving himself. This fundamental stage opens up the possibility of transforming not only our love for ourselves, but also the very heart and blood in our physical body.

This new blood, filled with the energy of newfound love, will wash the whole body, like a miraculous balm, and heal all cells on its way. Even if your common sense does not allow you to believe it - try it all the same, because you do not lose anything.

Here are the stages of true forgiveness that thousands of people have already walked and rewarded with miraculous results:

1. Define your emotions (there are often several of them). Become aware of what you blame yourself or another person for, and determine what feelings this causes you.

2. Take responsibility. Being responsible means realizing that you always have a choice - to respond with love or with fear. What are you afraid of? Now realize that you may be afraid of being blamed for the same things that you blame the other person for.

3. Understand the other person and relieve tension. In order to relieve tension and understand the other person, put yourself in his place and feel his intentions. Think about the fact that he may blame both himself and you for the same thing that you blame him for. He's afraid, just like you.

4. Forgive yourself. This is the most important step in forgiveness. In order to forgive yourself, give yourself the right to be afraid, show weakness, be delusional, have shortcomings, suffer and be angry. Accept yourself for who you are in the present moment, knowing that this is a temporary state.

5. Feel the urge to ask for forgiveness. As you prepare for the stage, imagine that you are asking for forgiveness from a person whom you have condemned, criticized, or accused of something. If this image makes you feel happy and free, you are ready for the next stage.

6. Meet with the person you want to ask for forgiveness. Tell him about your experiences and ask for forgiveness for judging, criticizing or hating him. That you yourself forgave him, mention only if he talks about it.

7. Make a connection or make a decision about a parent. Remember a similar situation in the past with a person who represented power and authority for you - with a father, mother, grandfather, grandmother, teacher, etc. This person must be of the same gender as the one you just forgiven. Repeat all the steps of forgiveness with him.

If the emotions you are experiencing are directed against yourself, go through stages 1, 2, 4, and 7.

Tips

· Give yourself the time it takes to go through all the stages of forgiveness. One stage may take you a day, another - a year; the most important thing is that your desire to go through these stages is sincere. The more trauma and ego resistance, the longer it will take.

· If step 6 turns out to be very difficult, know that your ego is resisting it. If you think: “Why on earth should I ask this person for forgiveness, if it was not I who offended him, but he me? I had every reason to be angry with him! - it is your ego speaking, not your heart. The most important desire of your heart is to live in peace and compassion for others.

· Do not worry if the person you are asking for forgiveness does not react the way you expected. Some things are almost impossible to predict. He may not say anything, change the topic of the conversation, be surprised, refuse to talk about it, cry, ask for forgiveness from you, throw himself into your arms, etc. Try to treat the other person's feelings with understanding - as well as your own.

· As I noted in the description of the sixth stage of forgiveness, you should not tell the person who offended you that you have forgiven him. There are three reasons for this:

1. It may turn out that the person you are angry with had no intention of offending you. Reality is very often different from our perception. Maybe this person did not even suspect that you were offended.

2. You must understand that you need forgiveness in order to free yourself. Forgiving another person means taking the necessary step towards forgiving yourself.

3. You must also realize that it is not in your power to truly forgive another person. Only he can forgive himself.

· If a person does not want to accept your request for forgiveness, it means that he cannot forgive himself. You can forgive him, but that's not enough. He must forgive himself. You are only responsible for yourself, but the fact that you have forgiven yourself can help the other person to forgive themselves.

· If you tell another person about your experiences, and he begins to justify himself out of surprise, it may have seemed to him that you are accusing him. If so, then you have not yet forgiven this person and hope that he will change.

· If, when you are going to meet this person, you hope that he will understand the depth of your suffering and ask you for forgiveness, you still have not forgiven him. In any case, you should not be angry with yourself; you just need a little more time to move on to stages 2 and 3. You have probably already forgiven this person with your mind, but have not yet had time to forgive him with your heart. To forgive a person with the mind means to understand the motives of his actions, but this does not bring either relief or inner liberation. This happens a lot. Forgiveness in the mind is a good start, as it at least indicates goodwill.

· Remember: forgiving someone does not mean that you agree with their accusations. When you forgive someone, you seem to say that you look with the eyes of your heart and see something more important in the depths of this person's soul than his accusations.

· Thanks to this forgiveness, it will be easier for you to give yourself the right to be yourself and to show your human feelings.

Now let's look at the three emotions that people experience the most difficult: fear, anger, and sadness. A person usually suppresses, controls, hides these emotions - in a word, he does everything so as not to experience them, as they rebuild the mental wounds received in childhood and adolescence. These wounds are caused by five negative psychological factors: trauma of the rejected, trauma of the abandoned, trauma of humiliation, betrayal and injustice.

Rather than giving themselves the right to be imperfect and suffer mental wounds, most people continue to blame others as the cause of their fear, anger, and sadness. That is why people experience so many negative emotions, and emotions, in turn, cause all kinds of diseases.

But these emotions can be used for good:

· Fear helps you to understand that you need protection and are looking for it. He also reminds that real protection should be sought in oneself.

· Anger is useful in that it helps you discover your need for self-affirmation, articulate your requirements and listen more carefully to your needs.

· Sadness helps you understand that you are suffering from a sense of loss or from a fear of losing. Sadness teaches a person not to get attached.

LOVING YOURSELF means taking responsibility for your own life and giving yourself the right to exercise this responsibility. If you love yourself, you will have a healthy and energized body that will allow you to fulfill all your dreams.

I hope this book will help you more than once to find deeper awareness, a more fulfilling and happier life filled with love. Never forget that your inner GOD uses all possible means and through your body speaks, reminds you: "LOVE YOURSELF!"